I hate to admit

Am I here?

Minho

I finally decided it was time to go back home, I think I've had enough time to myself to escape from everything.

Really, I was just escaping from myself.

I had no one but to blame but myself.

In a way the hotel was my safe place funny enough, I had my time away from everything and everyone but now it was time to go back to the real world.

But I didn't know if I had anyone to go back to. I know nothing could go back to the way it was before all this shit happened, I don't know if anything can be fixed at this point.

All I can do is try right?

Will he want me back even? Will he want to see me?

Can I bring back our family together?

When I checked out of the hotel and threw my one suitcase in my car I drove off. No surprise as soon as I started driving that it began to rain, it was steady at first but then it fucking down poured and made the roads almost treacherous.

I drove slowly and took my time, but my mind was running rampant.

It's been months since I received that message from Jisung and I chose not to do to anything about it. Another jackass move on my part, maybe Hyunjin needed to be away from me, maybe he needed that someone Jisung was talking about.

But I can't help thinking about what would have happened if I would have tried to find him, tried to go after Hyunjin. I know after Jisung told me he was in that place, the place with the white walls, the white room I knew he was safe.

I guess I didn't know if he was okay though.

I mean people go to those places because they are crazy, but Hyunjin wasn't crazy. He was just emotionally and mentally exhausted, he had had enough.

There is no way saying sorry or apologizing to him will be enough.

The last thing I thought about before I heard the blaring horn was him, Hyunjin and how much I love him, how much he means to me, how he is my everything.

The last thing I saw was his picture sitting there on my dashboard of my car before everything went dark.

The last thing I felt was the cold wet rain, the pain I felt from the shards of glass hitting my skin.

Everything was pitch black now, and I had no idea if I was still here.

I love you Hyunjin.