I hate to admit

Giving in, and letting go

It should be an easy answer, right?

How do you know which love overpowers the other.

Minho should be the answer, it's so fucking obvious and it's right there in front of me. But even Minho knows I still have some love left in me for Chan.

Right now, I was a sobbing mess, but here Chan is trying to be the good guy. And I honestly hate him for it.

I don't know what I am doing.

I don't know what I'm going to do when I go in that hospital room tomorrow and face Minho, I mean are we even boyfriends anymore?

"Hyunjin don't beat yourself up okay, everything will be okay. I believe in you and Minho, remember I said we will make him know who you are even if it means making new memories." Chan spoke softly.

"What if I don't want new memories?" I replied.

I even told Minho myself when he was still unconscious that we would make new ones, no where I am second guessing myself.

"Sometimes new memories can be just as good as the old ones." Chan pressed his forehead against mine.

"Maybe he deserves someone better than me." I closed my eyes.

"Don't you dare fucking say that." Chan's voice raised.

I grabbed a hold of Chan's shirt and fisted it in my hand, my mind was all over the place and I hated it. My emotions were everywhere, I could feel it all.

Pain.

Hate.

Love.

Ashamed.

Betrayal.

Sad.

This could be the alcohol talking too but I feel...sexually attracted to Chan right now which leads into my other emotion I feel.

Disgust.

In myself.

I let go of Chan's shirt and let my hand rest on his chest.

He was wearing some button up shirt where the first few were unbuttoned, and my fingers grazed over his skin.

I mean I know I'm shirtless right now only because I felt on fire earlier from the alcohol, and I really just wanted to crawl under my blankets and go to sleep until tomorrow.

But here I am with Chan, both of us sitting on my bed.

"Chan... I think you should go." I whispered.

"I'm not going to leave you like this Hyunjin, face it you need me here right now." Chan replied.

"No, I don't. Go home to your boyfriend Chan, he's the one that needs you not me." I'm not leaving you."

I pulled back slightly from Chan and looked at him in the eyes, and he's right. He has no intention of leaving me.

"Then go to the living room, leave me be." I spoke.

"Why are you so eager to push me out?" Chan asked.

"Because...I'm pretty sure this is the alcohol talking but I want nothing more than to rip your shirt off and do so many things..." I looked away in shame.

Chan chuckled softly.

"So please, just leave." I pushed Chan away and I turned to lay down my back facing Chan.

I was about to grab the blanket when Chan slid in beside me, he wrapped his arm around my waist pulling me into him.

He was flesh up against me and I could feel the warmth radiating off of him, I then felt his lips on my skin as he kissed my bare shoulder.