I hate to admit

Love is cruel

I was about to get ready to get going back to the hospital when Chan burst into my apartment.

"Hey Chan, I was just about to get ready to go back." I spoke.

"Um yeah about that..." Chan said.

"Why what's wrong Chan?" "It's um Minho...he woke up." "Well, that's great then! What are we waiting for Chan let's go!" I was about to head out the door when Chan grabbed me by the arm and stopped me.

I turned around and looked at Chan and I wasn't like how he was looking at me.

"He's awake and seems to be okay but..." Chan's voice trailed off.

"But...his memory?" I looked away.

"He knows who I am, he knows who Felix is. Felix was the first person he asked for. He also doesn't know who Changbin or Jisung is." Chan replied.

"But he doesn't know who I am..." I walked over to the couch and sat down.

I knew something like this was going to happen, nothing ever good fucking happens in my life. I'm just thankful that he knows who Felix is.

These past few years have been nothing but shitty.

Shitty.

And shittier.

"I spoke to Felix before coming here and he was on his way to the hospital, I told him to be careful and not to mention you just yet. I told him I would bring you by tomorrow so he wouldn't worry." Chan scooted closer to me wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

I leaned into Chan but not before my tears came, making me a complete mess.

I thought I would be sad; I mean I am but at the same time I feel angry.

Angry that so much has been taken away from me, taken away from Minho and from Felix. We were one happy family enjoying what we loved.

Dancing.

Now Miho can't even enjoy that, I don't think he will recover like I did. His injuries are far worse than mine ever were. I don't doubt though that he will try, he is strong and persistent.

I walked up and stormed into the kitchen and opened the fridge.

I grabbed a bottle of Soju and downed it.

"What the fuck are you doing Hyunjin!" Chan yelled grabbing the bottle from me.

"It's already empty Chan." I glared at him.

I turned to grab another bottle and got the lid off before Chan grabbed that one too. Chan looked at me and downed half the bottle before I grabbed it back from him and finished it.

"This isn't f-fair Chan!" I shouted. "Why does my life suck, why does this have to happen to Minho, how come you were never this way with me! Here you are being the kindest and gentlest person, comforting me, helping me through this and don't just say Jisung is making you do this either." I yelled.

I walked or tried walking away but hit the corner of the counter on my way out, guess I'm a lightweight right now.

"Fucking Christ." I groaned as I grabbed my side.

"Hyunjin, come on it's not the end of the world. Not everything in life can be perfect okay, I have hopes Minho will come through this, you just have to believe Jinnie. Besides Felix will be there with Minho and I'm sure he can help him remember. I can't say anything on the dancing thing because his injuries were pretty bad." Chan was talking but I wasn't really paying any attention.

"Answer me Chan, tell me why you are here. Tell me why Jisung can change you, tell me why I was never enough." I started crying.

Chan was coming over to me when I pushed past him and went straight to my room.

I opened my bedroom door and took my shirt off as I made my way over to my bed. Leebit was curled up in a ball on my bed, but he jumped off as I sat down hissing at me in the process.

"Fine be that way." I growled.

"Hyunjin...I can't really explain...I'm sorry okay. Just before we met again Jisung was always there for me and even when I was a complete ass to him, he still stuck by my side. I didn't fucking deserve him just like I never deserved you. I was young, we were young Hyunjin, and my dream was nothing to be but an artist, I wanted to be famous and so I was. The fame was like a high and you were just caught in the middle. " Chan explained.

"You never loved me, not really." I looked up at Chan.

"Hyunjin don't say that. I'm trying to make up for everything, I've hurt you too many times to count and I fucking hate it okay. You were my first love, and nothing changes that, you are my first love Jinnie. Jisung knows that too, he knows he will never replace you and even though you and I aren't together and whatever our relationship is Jisung knows that he is second in my heart. It's a shitty thing to say, and he tells me he's okay with it, but I know deep down he isn't, but he also values you as a friend Hyunjin. He's willing to make room for you in our lives because he knows I still Love you; he knows I can never let go of you." Chan cupped my face in his hands and his thumbs wiped my tears away.

I am so fucking stupid sometimes.

I just want Minho back; I want to be fighting with Chan again because that's what feels normal. This is so new to me, and I don't know if I like it.

I know Chan still loves me and I know I will always too, but I love Minho too.

I know you can love two people at the same time, but which love overpowers the other?