I hate to admit

You were a burden

Chan

"Hey how is everything coming along?" I asked.

Changbin was in our personal studio going over the tracks and I was currently with him; he had told me what him and Minho had discussed and what the plan was.

"Everything is good Chan; you worry too much." Changbin replied.

"You know we only have a few weeks, right?" "Yes, I'm aware, Minho and I have it covered." "Right Minho." I snickered.

"You know he's not a bad person, so I don't know what your deal is. He's a good dancer and not to mention he has the vocals, also he knows how to write music too." Changbin practically praised Minho.

I don't think I have it in me to even become friends with Minho, I will tolerate him and that is it. I don't care how good of an artist he is; I made the contract longer and I know what I was doing when I did it.

"Bin, our manager chose him and his group because yeah they are good and it will add something to our music, our music video and this song collab we are going to be doing with them will also be a new thing for us. I'll admit he is good but I'm not going to be all buddy buddy with him, this is just work." I spoke.

Hyunjin is with Minho, and I have to act like I'm not bothered by it, in reality I fucking hate it.

Hyunjin was mine and I lost him, everything was my own doing, and I can never take any of it back. I'll admit that.

After seeing that picture of Hyunjin and then seeing him in person, I knew how much I lost when I lost him. He was my everything and I let the fame get the better of me, Hyunjin even tried to make me see it, but I didn't want too.

I looked up and saw Changbin had stopped whatever he was doing and came over and sat next to me.

"Chan, what really happened with Hyunjin?" Changbin asked.

"That's a long story Bin, I don't know if I can tell you." I replied.

"Just a general idea, I know Hyunjin and Minho are together, and it irritates you. You're jealous Chan." "Yeah, and I'm also irritated by Jisung and Felix. You can go ahead and sue me if you want." "I know there was something going there, it was obvious every time Jisung wanted to go to you or whatever."

I knew Changbin wasn't dumb, I mean Jisung didn't really hide under the radar either.

"Let's just say Jisung was there when I needed him, I tried pushing him away, but he always stuck. I realized my feelings too late for him just like I realized I was the problem in Hyunjin's and I relationship." I started to explain.

"Fame was my downfall and I wanted it more than anything, more than Hyunjin. I thought he was the problem. Now I am here, I found you and Jisung and I love you guys despite me not showing it."

"Chan, I knew you had some sort of past and when I met you, I thought you were an asshole. No offensive but I got to know you and we became friends and went into this business and together and Jisung made it all the better. You did keep to yourself and were grumpy all the time, but I just thought that's how you were." Changbin spoke.

"I almost took his dream away." My voice trailed off.

I didn't dare look at Changbin because I didn't want to see his reaction.

How would my friends...no my family feel if they knew how much of an asshole I really was. 

"Okay Chan, I won't push any further and I'm sure it's not totally your fault." Changbin placed his hand on my shoulder to try and comfort me.

God if he only knew.

"I'm going to go and try to sleep, and yeah I know hilarious for me to try and sleep. Especially this early." I spoke.

Changbin just kind of looked at me weird but I just turned around and headed out the door.

I wonder how their date was going.

I was laying on my bed, my mind was all over the place. If it wasn't Jisung on my mind, then it was Hyunjin who never came to my mind until a few weeks ago.

After everything that happened between us, I never wanted to think of him again, never wanted to see him again.

I never knew what happened to him after that night, the night I left him. I jammed that shard of glass down and practically laughed in his face. I got up and walked out never looking back.

He mentioned he was in the hospital, he mentioned he was in an institution.

Fuck I can never forgive myself for that.

I will act all tough and act like the bad guy, but inside I am full of regret, full of anger. No one will ever see me as the good guy. 

I'm honestly surprised Hyunjin even talked to me, I'm sure he doesn't want everyone to know about our history except that we dated and broke up and bad terms but that's about it.

If anyone found out the real story, everything would be done.

Destroyed.

Jisung would hate me, Changbin would disown me.

Minho would make sure to more than likely have me locked up.

I don't even know what would happen with Hyunjin.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when I heard a loud bang of thunder, of course there's nothing like a bit of rain. I'm really starting to get fucking annoyed of this weather already, it's like punishment or some shit.

I looked over at the clock on my nightstand and it's not even past midnight yet, damn usually I'd be on my laptop working away. That thing is like my lifeline, I'd be lost without it.

"Hey why don't you put that away for tonight. Spend some time with me." Hyunjin whined.

"You know I have work to do, I have deadlines." I replied.

"Yeah, but can't you spare some time for me, we haven't had time really just the two of us."

Hyunjin was being whiny, and it was really annoying me, yeah sure he has a point, but I have shit to do. My music isn't going to make itself.

"Just let me finish writing this verse okay, then I will be all yours."

Just remembering that makes me feel all blah, I continued working on that through all hours. Hyunjin eventually fell asleep waiting for me, head on the table and sitting in the chair that was across from me.

When I was done with my work, I closed my laptop and went to bed, I walked right by Hyunjin too. I didn't bother to wake him or take him back to the bedroom with me.

We had plenty of nights like that, and eventually Hyunjin got the hint. 

I knew I was in the wrong but at that point I didn't care, my music was my life and in reality, at the time Hyunjin was a major distraction.

He was almost like a burden.