I hate to admit

An old friend

Well, I was not expecting that, and Felix wasn't kidding.

Not even a text or a phone call or even a fucking email for God sakes, Chan never asked how I was doing, never came after me, never wondered how this was all affecting.

Now he pulled this stunt?

I'm actually proud of him in all honesty, he really stepped up but what I was not expecting was for him to take a break from music, take a break from what he worked so hard towards.

"So, that's how your life was?" Soobin finally spoke.

"Yup in a nutshell. I was in a good place before he came back into my life, I was settling down with someone after that someone repeatedly told me how much he loved me every day and I finally gave in to him." I explained.

"So, the kissing scene was what did it." "So, you've seen the music video? It was a big part of what messed most of everything yeah, he gave me some time to myself to figure out my feelings for Chan. After that me and Chan worked through things, and everything was going back to normal until the fans came in." "I'm sorry Hyunjin, you've gone through so much." Soobin looked over at me.

I have gone through so much, and now I don't even know anymore.

In reality I am well enough to go back out into the world, but I don't know if I want to. I never really needed to commit myself, I never really needed to be in this place. I wanted to be here, I wanted to invite the white walls to swallow me whole.

I just don't know if I have anything to go back to.

"This is my life now Soobin, I don't have anything or anyone to go back to." I spoke spacing out.

"That's not true Hyunjin, despite all that you have a friend. The chubby cheeked guy clearly was standing up for you and the asshole leader clearly had some shit to sort through, but it looked like he got the courage to stand up for you too. The blonde one yesterday he came for you Hyunjin so yes you do have people to go back to." Soobin placed his hand on my thigh to stop me from moving my leg up and down.

Do I though?

"Thanks for being here with me but I need to be by myself." I got up from the table without even touching my food.

Walking back to my room I pushed my door open startling Leebit who scattered and hid under the bed.

"Sorry Leebit." I sighed as I threw myself on the bed.

I looked over at the open window as I heard some pitter patter hitting the window, the windowsill had small droplets of water building up. The rain was falling at a steady rate, I could see the leaves moving on the trees as the wind was picking up.

After a bit Leebit finally jumped up on the bed and snuggled up to my side then thought better of it and jumped up on my chest.

He fell asleep fast as he purred, I stroked his fur for a bit then with the steady sound of the rain and the whistling of the wind I dozed off myself.

My mind was put on pause at that point; I don't think I could hear my thoughts anymore.

"Wake up sleepy head."

"Either I'm dreaming or Leebit finally learned to talk and I'm actually going crazy." I mumbled.

"Well, you are in a nut house." The voice laughed, sounded familiar.

I opened my eyes and took a minute to adjust but I can safely say I was not going crazy.

"Jisung?" I asked.

"Yeah, the one and only. Sorry if I'm not someone you were expecting but I thought I should come and see you." Jisung explained. "It's a surprise but not a bad one. Even though I think we agreed not to see each other if I recall." "Yeah, well tough luck Jinnie, you have me anyways. Felix told me he came to see you; I sort of gave in and told him. He's actually really scary when he's threatening." Jisung chuckled.

He's not wrong there.

He may seem small and innocent and has the face of an angel, but he can get scary especially when he's angry.

"What are you doing here Ji?" I looked down at Leebit who jumped back on me.

"He's cute." Jisung pointed to the kitten.

"Uh yeah Felix gave him to me, he thought I needed company." I replied. "Kind of reminds me of Minho." "Funny that's what I thought too." "Chan finally got his balls back, took him a long time but he came to his senses. It was too late for him to stand up for you, but he still did." "I know I watched the whole thing."

Hearing Chan calling Jisung babe seems like they finally got their happy ending, which I'm glad for. Chan... deserves something, someone, happiness.

"He still loves you; you know that. And I'm okay with that, I've been a bitch for Chan for as long as I can remember, and I knew what I was getting myself into sort of, but you never did and I'm sorry for that. Chan definitely did not deserve you, but I'm glad you both came back to each other's lives." Jisung placed his hand over mine.

"You two will be good together, you guys will overcome whatever. I guess somewhere inside I do love him too but not in the way you guys love each other. I'm over that love for him, I still carry a whole lot of hate still. So, the next time I ever see him or if I do, I can't promise he will survive." I laughed.

Jisung laughed so loud that he scared Leebit off, I watched as he scurried under the bed.

"I won't stop you Hyunjin believe me." Jisung smiled. "How long you going to keep this up." Jisung motioned his hands around the room.

I ask myself that question every night before I go to bed and every morning I wake up. In some way this place became my home, and, in some ways, it keeps all my bad thoughts locked up.

"I wish I knew the answer to that Ji." I spoke softly.