I hate to admit

Everyone is selfish

We sat in silence as he bandaged up my hand and did it fucking hurt, I have a feeling it might slow me down a bit in practices. After Minho cleaned up everything, he took me back to my room and we sat down on the bed.

"How's Felix?" I asked.

"Locked himself up in his room, I'm afraid of what he might be doing to himself though." Minho replied. "I tried talking to him, but he wouldn't let me in. I feel terrible, I never meant to take it out on him." "I know you didn't and I'm sure he knows it too, he's sensitive Hyunjin and you know that."

Felix doesn't take confrontation or being yelled at very well, he either breaks down and locks himself in his room and doesn't come out for a day or so. He hasn't done so in a very long time but today I really laid into him and I fucking hate myself for it.

"He will come to you Hyunjin just give him some time, okay?" Minho looked up at me.

Why do I feel like I'm being selfish right now?

All I want is for me to feel fine and move on from everything, I want to love someone, I want to feel cared for and taken care of. Right now, Felix needs me, needs the both of us and all I want is Minho.

Even then I don't think I can fully trust Minho. Does fame overtake everything?

"Hyunjin." Minho snapped me out of my thoughts. "Talk to me."

"How can I Minho? Even though I'm not totally upset with you, the whole thing still bothers me." I replied. I turned my body, so I was fully facing Minho and he was just sitting there looking at me like he does...like nothing else mattered in the world.

"I know. You know Hyunjin you overcame your accident and started back up again, dancing is your life and you're thriving. You told me the doctors said you'd never dance again but you proved them wrong. Maybe I am being selfish for wanting this for you and being selfish for myself because I want the recognition but not just for me but for all of us. Sure, you can say I want the fame, but I also want the world to know who you are. I know this whole thing is bringing back memories that you want to forget but know I am right here by your side." Minho brought his hand up to cup my cheek.

Not even Chan wanted to see me succeed.

Minho has always been there by my side through the good and the bad to even the very bad. My mind tells me to be cautious and my heart tells me to let him in.

Love is funny, love is contradicting, love is pain.

Somewhere there is an ounce of feeling still lingering for Chan, on the other hand Minho has made me forget so many things of my past.

People will always want something from you whether they choose to tell you or not, there is never a perfect relationship, and no two people are truly a match.

"I know you're not like him and I will never compare you to him, I also am going to be very cautious and whether you choose to accept that is up to you. I like you Minho and my feelings for you have long been there, I just can't fully accept you." I spoke softly. I could feel the tears begin to fall but Minho was right there to catch them.

He kissed both my cheeks where my tears fell and wiped them away.

"You can see me as the bad guy if you want, as long as I know you won't fully push me away, I'll be alright." Minho whispered.

Minho then took my hands in his and held them, he looked down at my bandaged hand and rubbed his thumb over the bandage. "I'm sorry for keeping it from you, tell me now and I will end the contract."

I sat there in silence, never once was there a time when we had to give up a contract or end something without good cause and now, he's willing to give it up.

"No. As much as I would love to smash that bastards face in, I won't be the reason we give this up. Besides Felix needs this just as much, have you seen how happy he was after the concert? Not everything is about me Min, I appreciate it but no." I spoke.

After our long talk we just laid there in each other's embrace, we both eventually drifted off to sleep and the memory from earlier has long been forgotten.

I heard a soft knock on the door, looking at the time it was late, and Minho was still sound asleep. I got up and went over to the door and opened it, Felix stood there with his head hung low and his hair was a mess. After he looked up at me, I could see how puffy and red his eyes were and the tear stains on his cheeks.

I motioned for him step back and as I took a step forward, I closed the door behind me and made my way downstairs to the living room, Felix followed me, and we took a seat on the couch.

"Please don't hate me." Felix barely spoke over a whisper.

I sighed and pulled him into a hug. Letting it last as long as I could before pulling away, I looked at him.

"I could never hate you Lix. I was upset and stressed, you did nothing wrong, and I apologize for acting that way." I replied. "I know you don't want to put your problems on me but know I'm here, I also know it has something to do with Chan, right?" "It does."

Felix pulled away to get a better look at me then his eyes landed on my hand. "What happened!" Felix's eyes went wide as he assessed my messed-up hand. "It's nothing...just broke the mirror in the dance room is all." I chuckled lightly.

Felix frowned and held my hand.

"Jinnie I..." Felix started. "I don't want to ruin the image you have of 3racha and especially their leader, I will be okay especially with you and Minho by my side." I kissed him on the forehead. "If he did something to you..." "No Lix everything is alright okay. Now cheer up for me yeah?" I smiled.

Still seeing the disbelief in his eyes, he simply nodded his head. I know he isn't dumb, but this is nothing for him to worry about.

Right now, I have to protect Felix from all this and protect myself.

Protect my heart.