I hate to admit

Love and sweat

Chan

Fucking Christ, the other night with Hyunjin I was getting serious deja vu vibes.

Seeing him dance just by himself before he saw me standing in the doorway was like the old times seriously.

His moves were so flawless and perfect in every sense of the way, he only got better even after his accident. When he started dancing around me slowly making his way towards me it was like I could feel him, it wasn't until he was on my lap that I realized how much I hurt him and how much I hated myself but most importantly how much I loved him.

I had my own motives going into this and I realized why I did what I did.

Just feeling him close to me again reminded me of everything we went through, what he went through.

I remember the times I used to sit and watch him dance, I remembered the times when he dragged me to the floor with him. We danced for fun, and we had intimate times while dancing.

We have one more practice session before we do the shoot for the scene, I have a feeling it won't end well. Hyunjin is as smart as they come, and he knows that I'm trying to in some way get to him again.

I had cleared my schedule for the day so I could get to the studio early and work out some stuff, I knew Hyunjin would show up on time or at least a bit early and I was counting on it.

I'm honestly surprised that Minho has even let Hyunjin out of his sights especially with me. I can only guess he trusts Hyunjin with his life, trusts him not to do anything stupid. I however know that both of them aren't stupid either, I'm Bang fucking Chan nonetheless and I'm the biggest asshole there is.

Jisung knows it, Hyunjin knows, and Minho knows, I'm sure somewhere in there Felix knows. Chanbgin however puts up with my shit and he has long since known.

"I'm surprised you're here early." I heard Hyunjin from the doorway.

"Well, I didn't want to miss anything this time." I spoke.

"Funny. Let's just get this over with." Hyunjin walked in and sat his bag down.

I went over and closed the door, Hyunjin gave me the dirtiest look ever. When the door clicked in place I turned around and stood there. Hyunjin had his hair up halfway with a few strands just falling in his eyes, the blonde really suited him. He had his favorite pair of baggy sweats on and a hoodie I hadn't seen in a long time.

He's wearing his favorite dancing clothes; I remember clear as day.

"Do you ever get tired of wearing those?" I asked. "Um no, they are my favorite to dance in, it' s like a superstition of sorts." Hyunjin replied.

He had told me that he never felt like he did good if he wasn't wearing those specific clothes, the shoes didn't matter but he had to have the sweats and the hoodie with his hair tied halfway up.

I wasn't going to complain though, he looked hot as hell every damn time.

"You know you love it." Hyunjin smirked.

"You're damn fucking right." I walked up to him and wrapped my arms around his waist pulling him closer to me.

"Mhmm, why don't you let me take those off of you." I kissed his neck. 

Hyunjin hummed in satisfaction, and he tangled his fingers in my hair.

"Hello earth to fucking Chan." Hyunjin snapped his fingers at me.

"Huh? Uh yeah let's get started." I coughed.

Hyunjin rolled his eyes, and I walked over to grab the chair while Hyunjin messed with the music. I sat down in front of the mirror and Hyunjin took his spot just behind me a few feet away.

He didn't even say when and he started up the music, he slowly started to move in sync with the music and I started to sing. I watched Hyunjin carefully in the mirror, his moves were so fluid and the way he can just freestyle the whole thing was even better. I know the last bit of the scene he regrets because it has to stay as part of the choreo since it would ruin anything if it got changed.

I think it got a bit more intimate than he wanted it too, but I know I'm not complaining, he already knew it was going to be somewhat sensual, but I don't think either of us imagined it happening this way.

The closer he moved to me the more I could feel him, I could feel how much he loved dancing, how much he hated me, but I could feel something more too, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

This time there was no wondering how he managed to get on my lap, he moved his body with the music and just let it happen. My hands made their way to his waist as he straddled me, his hands moved up my body and cupped the back of my neck pulling me forward. I could feel his breath on my cheek and my voice became lower as the verse was coming to an end, soon enough his hands moved down my body again and he pushed himself off of me.

I stood up looking past him and, in the mirror, he kicked the chair back like he did in the first session, and everything was going as it was the first time. Not a single beat was off and there were no missteps. When the song ended, he was behind me, and his hand reached up from behind me and in front lightly grabbing my throat.

Hyunjin still standing behind me as his body was pressed up against mine, I could feel him breathing, I could feel how tense his body was. The music had stopped long ago, he dropped his hold from my throat and looked in the mirror at me.

"Hyunjin, I know I hurt you multiple times over but I want you to know that I always loved you. I know my fame took over my whole being and my life. There's nothing I can do that will make up for everything I just wanted you to know I'm sorry." I spoke softly.

I know there wasn't a chance in hell that he would ever forgive me, but I just wanted to tell him, wanted him to know.

"I'll never forgive you, but you know that. Why even bother Chan?" Hyunjin replied.

"Because I had to get it off my chest, I hurt you and I hurt Jisung. I thought I might have had something with him but then he turned to Felix, and I realized my feelings too late for him. In the end Jisung strayed from Felix and hurt him in the process and I hated that. I then realized then that I couldn't keep my feelings down for you as much as I wanted to, I put them away and locked them up, but they came to the surface again." I tried to explain.

Hyunjin scoffed but stood still.

I brought my hand up to cup his cheek, his hair was plastered to his face, and he was dripping with sweat, and he looked so damn attractive right now.

"Chan don't..." Hyunjin whispered.

Everything in me was screaming to kiss him but I knew he would probably kill me on the spot.

I refrained from doing so and kissed him on the cheek instead.

"Go home to your boyfriend Jinnie, he's probably waiting for you. I'll see you this weekned for the shoot." I spoke softly.