I hate to admit

Everything is not okay

Chan

"How was Jinnie?" I looked over at Jisung.

"How did-" Jisung sat up.

"You're a good friend Ji, and besides I could smell his scent. Hyunjin always uses a certain cologne." I chuckled.

Jisung was too cute sometimes, he turned his body, so he was looking at me.

"He's alright, but at the same time he isn't. He has me and Felix though and Leebit." "Leebit?" "Yeah, he's his cat, Felix brought it to him a few months ago and has been keeping him company so he was never alone. Hyunjin looked good though, Felix stayed the night with him last night."

Jisung never told me where Hyunjin was per say but I can only guess it was nowhere good, but it was somewhere he was getting help. In all honesty I wish I could go see him, wrap him up in my arms.

I missed him.

"Channie don't worry okay, if you want, I can see if he wants to see you. Might not be any time soon but I can try. He knows you still care about him even if you never stood up for him when he needed you too." Jisung spoke softly.

"That'd be great Ji, but don't force him on it okay." I pulled him into my chest an wrapped my arms around him.

We were lying in my bed; it was morning but with the weather outside it didn't seem morning but more like evening.

This has been my life right now, being with Jisung and lying in bed together usually after a good very good work out if you know what I mean.

It's been Jisung and I for a while now, Changbin was always off with Felix enjoying the time we never got when we were always on tour or making music constantly.

We all needed a break and Jisung and I have mostly stayed at home, but we went out, we travelled, we went on dates. 

Something I never did with Hyunjin, and I regret it all the time.

I'm trying to be a better person and that even means trying not to let all the hate mail get to me. Since our or my announcement on tv, the fans haven't been too happy with me but there were still a few loyal ones which I was thankful for.

Most of the mail and hate was directed at me which I was grateful for. The other boys didn't need any of that shit.

I don't know about Changbin but Jisung and I have still been working on music, writing, producing, composing all so that when the time comes, we will have a comeback.

I'm hoping when the time comes it will be a great comeback, I'm hoping the music we have been making now will reach the fans and maybe we can win them back.

"Have you seen the news recently?" Jisung asked.

"Mhmm, the weather, right? It's been fucking crazy these past few weeks, it's ridiculous." I spoke looking outside the window.

Rain, rain and more rain.

"Yeah, there was an accident though, a big one too. Several were injured and there was a fatality, I guess. I saw it on the news earlier." Jisung replied.

"Damn, hope everyone else is okay though." I whispered.

All of a sudden there was loud noise coming from downstairs and I jumped up so fucking fast followed by Jisung and we both went downstairs.

The front door was wide opened, and the rain was coming through, the wind had started to pick up too.

"Have you heard!" I turned my head to see Changbin as he turned the tv on.

"You know you could close the freaking door!" I yelled.

"Now is not the fucking time." I heard a deep voice.

Felix came in and shut the door behind him.

It's actually been a while since I've seen him despite him being with Changbin all the time but those two were never around.

"Heard what?" Jisung asked.

"The news! The accident!" Felix spoke loudly.

"What the fuck are you on about?" I asked.

We all turned our heads towards the tv, the news was on, and the new anchor person was at the scene of the accident holding an umbrella over their head as the rained poured down.

There were several cars, they were basically pretzels at this point.

You could tell they were trying to hide the scene but there was broken glass everywhere, and you could see some blood.

"That's...no-" Felix started to tear up.

"What? What's wrong baby." Changbin spoke as he placed his hand on the small of his boyfriend's back.

"Minho's car." Felix looked pale, there was no color left in him.

Felix basically fell back and Changbin was quick to grab him and steady him. I looked back at the tv and took a step closer to the screen.

I've only seen Minho's car a handful of times, but it was no doubt his car and it was almost impossible to make out with the shape it was in.

But it was his.