I hate to admit

The concert

I can't fucking believe what I'm seeing right now.

After all these years...I knew the voice sounded familiar from the songs Felix had me listen too. I guess luck is not on my side this time.

I knew he became famous but not this famous.

I'm glad I didn't actually run into him because I don't know what would have happened if I did. I'm sure I'd have a mental breakdown or some shit, I was never the one to stand up for myself especially with him. Our fights always ended up with him making up excuses and not hearing me, he never took my feelings into consideration.

To him I was nothing but a useless waste of space, someone who was just there. He used me when he wanted too, and I always gave in because I always thought just a little bit that he actually loved me.

I guess I should get back, back to the front stage area where we are seated. I'll be basically up front in his view; sure, he will be focusing on performing but being that close there's no way he won't catch a glimpse of me.

"Hey guys sorry, got lost on the way back." I spoke. 

"You're just in time! They're about to come on stage!" Felix shouted excitedly.

I looked over at Minho who was smiling like an idiot at Felix until his eyes met mine. He knew immediately that something was wrong with me even thought I tried to keep my cool.

Minho mouthed 'you, okay?' and I simply nodded my head.

Suddenly the lights dimmed, and music started up, the stage was dark, but you could see three silhouettes in the middle.

Soon enough the stage lit up and the concert went underway.

He hasn't changed a bit, at least not much. He was still as hot as ever and seemed to have gained more muscle, his hair color changed, and his voice was still amazing. One of the many reasons I fell for him.

I was trying to keep me eyes away, but it was hard especially when I wanted to try and enjoy the concert, all three of them were amazing especially the one with the cute chubby cheeks as his rap was so lit and so real and then he turns on the vocals. The other one who was a little on the short side was just as good, his rapping was fire too and all together they know how to put on a show.

"Hello everybody! We just want to thank you all for showing up here tonight and supporting us, you our fans mean the most to us and we want to give you the best experience possible! There are many more stages to come so please look forward to them! We are 3racha and I am Bang Chan!"

"That's right our amazing leader right here! Hello everyone, I am Han Jisung and as said by our leader here we hope to put on one of our best performances yet! So please cheer us on and support us, this is for you!"

"Seo Changbin here! We are very grateful to be here, and we hope you look forward to our new album coming out soon!"

After their introductions they left the stage to I assume to get changed for their next performance, Chan looked so fucking innocent and it makes me sick. I tried so hard to look away, but I couldn't, still I am drawn to him.

Next to me Felix was like a little schoolboy with a crush, he was all smiles and his eyes lit up each time watching them and just hearing them sing.  He was having such a good time and I hope to God I don't bring my personal problems into his happiness.

Every now and then I could feel Minho's eyes on me, he was checking up on me more than usual and I found it odd. I know I never told him who my ex really was, fuck I didn't really know he went on to becoming part of one of the top rap groups in Seoul. For some reason I could tell Minho was being very anxious and it bothered me.

Fuck this whole thing is bothering me.

The next stage was up, and it was even better than the first one. I could definitely tell why Felix was so obsessed with them.

The few songs they just did were the ones Felix had me listen to not long ago and some of them I have heard on the radio, I could even tell why they were the best group in Seoul.

They had taken some time to talk after their stage and the fans were going wild, they had a total of two stages left and they were talking about their new album. They were giving their fans hints and what they can look forward to, just watching the three of them up there they were like brothers...best friends. They all clicked well together, and it makes me wonder if they know who their leader really is.

Now I was nervous.

Most of this concert I had been lucky and not having made any sort of contact with him, even when they came close to the front and interreacted with some of the fans. I had stayed safe.

But here we go again.

The closer they came to the front the more anxious and nervous I got. They were on their last song of this stage performance and then they had one more left.

"They always say the same excuses, while they're complaining we're producing."

As he said those last words his eyes roamed the audience and then settled on me, I was right next to Felix on his right but if I had been on his other side Felix would have been in his line of vision.

Yup just my luck.

His expression was rather calm, I could see a bit of surprise and shock but other than that he was keeping his cool. Just like he usually did, he was good at that.

It seemed like an eternity went by, the chubby cheeked one nudged Chan as if to get his attention and when he finally turned around, he almost lost his balance but like the cool guy he was composed himself.

The three then walked back to the main stage.

"We are sad to say our concert is coming to an end, but we assure you the last few songs will be the best yet! So please look forward to it!"

He even sounded calm.

I guess being in this industry you learn to keep personal issues aside, I should know too since I'm in the same industry, but we have never performed a concert. We are mainly dancers, and we do few songs or collab with other artists, I can only imagine what it must be like to perform like this.

I feel like I'm going to explode on the inside, I feel my hands getting clammy, my heart is racing, and my body is trembling.

And no one can see it.

Felix is too excited to notice anything but 3racha and enjoy the concert, Minho seems to be on the same boat. He still keeps an eye on me but it's also relatively dark so it's hard to see me clearly, I honestly feel like I could have a panic attack.

I am hoping the rest of this goes fast, I want nothing more than to go home and crawl under my covers and cry myself to sleep.