I hate to admit

My pain

I don't think I even slept at all, and it shows.

The three of us were in the studio, we wanted to keep up our energy and be ready for the work that is about to come. If I have been shown anything or heard anything it is that 3racha does not mess around when it comes to their work. They take everything seriously and we need to be on our game.

"Hyunjin that's the fourth time you missed the spin, it's not like you. At this rate we will be here all fucking night and you know I have stuff to do. We have less than a week until we start our new contract." Minho was standing there looking at me.

"No, I think I messed up this time Min, I was off beat." Felix spoke up.

No, it was all me.

"Felix please don't cover up for me. I'm the one keeping us here." I replied. 

"Let's go again." Minho turned around and started the music back up.

And again, and again.

"What the fuck!" Minho shouted. "Hyunjin get your shit together."

"Minho don't shout, it wasn't all him. I was distracted too." Felix said with his head down. "Damn it, Felix! Stop covering for me okay, I'm messing it up and I don't need your help." I yelled at him.

I was a complete asshole.

Felix looked up at me his eyes were already overflowing with tears, his lips were trembling, and he stood there just looking at me.

"I-i'm s-s-sorry H-hyunjin. I j-just wanted t-to...s-sorry." Felix ran out of the room.

"God fucking damn it!" I yelled punching the mirror.

Shards of glass fell to the floor and blood dripped down. I punched the mirror again and again; Minho finally stepped in and pulled me away.

I pushed Minho and walked out the door.

I guess it's a day for major fuck ups, knowing damn well Felix doesn't take yelling very well and what did I do? Now my hand is messed up and the dance practice mirror is broken, they aren't cheap either.

I could tell Minho was getting frustrated with me and I myself was getting frustrated too, I never miss a beat or fall behind. What made today any different? Even when I'm not feeling good or upset or hadn't had any sleep, I still make every move perfect.

Had I really let him get to me so much that I can't get my moves right or am I actually angry at Minho for keeping something from me that he knew would hurt me?

Did I fall for someone again who wants fame over me?

As soon as I got home, I went up to Felix's room, he had locked himself away and I could hear him crying through the door.

Damn it.

I knocked on the door several times but no answer, all I got was a 'go away'. "Felix...come to me when you're ready okay. I wasn't upset with you I promise." I spoke through the door and then walked away.

I went back downstairs; I didn't even know what to do right now. My head was spinning, I grabbed a water bottle from the fridge and stepped outside the back door. I walked out onto the cement and stopped at the edge. I was just under the awning; the sky had turned a dark grey and the clouds looked angry. Thunder was heard in the distance and the rain was here, just my luck too.

Always with the rain.

I downed half the water and set it on the outside table, I let my hands fall to my side and I just stood there looking up at the sky. I could feel the blood dripping from my hand, and it fell in pools by my foot, I then fell to the ground and sat there.

I rolled my pant leg up as high as I could revealing my scar.

I let my fingers graze over the scar, I flinched at the touch. It was as if I could still feel the pain and the memory it came with.

"Can you stop trying to mess with my work! I don't need you hovering over me or telling me what's good or bad about my music. I never asked for your opinion." Chan yelled at me.

"I was just trying to be a good boyfriend! Is that such a fucking crime?" I replied.

He had just finished a new song and I happened to overhear it, he used to ask for my opinion all the time in the beginning and now I rarely get to hear his music anymore.

"You used to ask me for my opinion, what's different now?" I asked. "You don't know shit about my music and what I do." Chan replied. "I would if you let me in! Do you care more about the opinions of the people you've been with than your own boyfriend's?" "Have you been spying on me?" Chan pushed me with such force that I fell into the table against the wall, everything on it fell to the ground.

All I could hear was glass breaking and a sharp pain run through me as my lower back rammed into the table.

"You don't own me Hyunjin, what I do and who I do is none of your business. You were never good anyways." Chan was standing in front of me now, his anger was radiating off of him and for what reason? My guess was as good as yours.

"Then why do you keep me around?" I spat. "Because sometimes I just need something that doesn't require a lot of work." Chan grabbed me by the chin harshly. "So, I'm just some object now is that it? Our relationship was what? Nothing?" "You only filled a void, and in the beginning, I was young and childish. Now I know who I am and what I need. And it's certainly not you." Chan let go of me with such force that I fell to the ground, my leg had twisted under me, and I cried out in pain.

Not only was my leg under me in an unusual angle but there was glass on the ground, a part of a vase that broke and as I moved my leg out from under me in agony there was a piece of glass sticking out of my leg.

Chan knelt down in front of me and jammed the glass even further in, "You almost cost me my career Hyunjin. Now let me ruin yours."

Chan then stood up and walked away.

The memory is something I could never forget; it's seared into me, and I hate it. I don't know how he got that way; everything was off and different. We always had arguments and yelled at each other, but that day was different.

"Hyunjin." Minho stood next to me and as much as I wanted to hide my scar it was too late. He was now kneeling beside me, and I could feel the cool touch of his fingers on my leg.

"You didn't have to hide this from me." Minho said softly. "It's a memory I don't want to relive Minho, this was almost my career ending injury." I rolled my pant leg back down.

Minho sighed and he turned me, so I was facing him, there was no anger or frustration anymore but rather a warmth. He looked at me like he always did, with care, love, worriedness. "Let's go inside." Minho helped me up and we went back inside.

We went up to the bathroom so Minho could clean my hand up for me and bandage it, and he did so with such tenderness and care. It was as if he thought I would break at any point.

"Minho." I whispered.

"Mhmm." Minho replied.

"Don't leave me."