I hate to admit

Don't deserve you

Hours later and I just decided to go home or back to the condo, those two must be having loads of fun somewhere doing God knows what and where.

I couldn't stand it any longer, and I also knew nothing about the place or where to go.

So now I'm back.

"Hey Jinnie." Felix spoke as he lifted his head up from the game he was playing.

"Mhmm." I managed to get out.

Felix looked at me weird, but I ignored it and just went back up to my room, I didn't care if even Minho looked at me weirdly. 

Fuck I don't even know if he was in the room.

Hell no one even questioned where Chan was let alone Jisung.

I stripped my clothes off and went to the bathroom to take a long bath, I just wanted to unwind. Despite having fun with Chan earlier now I just seem all down and mopey and for no good fucking reason.

The water was nice and warm, I had lit a few candles too just to relax more and added some bubbles cause why the fuck not.

I don't even know how long I was in the bath for, I'm pretty sure I dozed off because I jolted up and splashed water everywhere.

I heard a knock on the door.

"Hey Hyunjin! What are you doing in there, we haven't heard or seen you in at least an hour or so." I heard shouting on the other side.

Couldn't quite tell who it was though.

"I'll be out in a few!" I shouted back.

After I had gotten out, dried off and put on some clothes I drained the tub and went downstairs.

"Fuck there you are." Felix spoke.

"Yup I'm here." I replied.

"You good?" "Yeah, I'm fine." "Yeah, okay whatever, you better be ready for later." "Sure whatever." I turned around and made my way to the kitchen.

Damn I sounded bitchy or like an ass.

I don't know what I wanted from the kitchen, but I didn't really have anywhere else to go even though this place has many rooms.

"Great company I didn't want." I heard Minho speak.

"Sorry to burst your fucking bubble." I spat.

I walked over to the fridged and opened it, well at least there's alcohol and plenty of it.

Snacks too.

I grabbed a beer and closed the fridge.

"Looks like someone is in a mood." Minho handed me a bottle opener.

"Uh huh." I took the opener and opened the bottle almost downing the whole thing.

I leaned up against the counter and set my beer down, I really am in a mood, and I have no reason to be.

I had a fake date with Chan and afterwards his actual boyfriend came in to spend some time with him which they should.

So why am I upset?

"Boyfriend troubles?" Minho cocked his head.

Minho walked and stood in front of me basically trapping me.

"You're not dumb Minho." I looked up at him.

Minho leaned into me, and our faces were only inches apart.

"I don't get it; I don't understand it myself but despite me telling you I had no interest in you I am somewhat drawn to you." Minho spoke softly.

"I wish I could say I'm likeable but what do I know." I shrugged.

"You have been through some shit, haven't you?" "All my fucking life, ever since high school. Love fucking sucks." "You left school for him; Felix gave me the short version." "Yup, in some ways I regret it and in some ways I don't."

Minho looked at me, he brought his hand up to cup my cheek.

We always seem to end up this way but one of us always walk away.

"In my opinion Chan doesn't deserve you." Minho smiled.

"How can you say that if you don't remember anything." I glared at him.

"The few times I've watched you two together...I don't know something doesn't feel right, it feels off. He may treat you alright, but it seems like you deserve more I guess." Minho spoke.

Well, I would have said Chan didn't deserve me back when we were actually dating, I mean now I don't really deserve anyone at this point.

I've brought so much shit into everyone's lives I'm surprised any of them have stayed by my side, sure for a while I had no one but they came back to me.

I don't deserve Jisung.

I don't deserve Felix.

I don't deserve Changbin as a friend.

I don't deserve Chan as who he is now.

I definitely don't deserve Minho.

"I appreciate the somewhat care you're showing but to be honest I can't be this close to you without wanting to fucking kiss you or hold you, I miss Minho, I miss all the times you came to me telling me how much you liked me every God damn day. I miss the moments, the small arguments, the lying in bed together and just everything in between." My voice cracked towards the end.

I was holding back so much right now.

"Hyunjin... I-"

"Who's ready to have some fun!" Minho was cut off by Felix shouting from the other room.

I could hear a bunch of commotion and from the sounds of it Chan and Jisung just got back.

Minho let go of me and stepped back, I watched him walk away.

Like I said someone always walks away.

As soon as he left, I couldn't hold it in any longer, I let my tears fall and I myself walked off.

I did what I did best and walked to the backyard, and in this case a much bigger one with a better view.

It was a bit chilly out and I could feel a slight misting, I wrapped my arms around myself and gave in.

"Jinnie."

"I'll be in, in a few just go away Chan." I sniffled.

"Minho told me he saw you walk out this way, you needed me." Chan turned me to face him.

"What I need or who I need is my actual fucking boyfriend or if he is anyways, but he doesn't even fucking remember me and apparently just wants to be friends with me who is giving off all sorts of fucking mixed signals!" I shouted.

"That's why we're here." Chan replied.

"If it doesn't work then what? You get to be finally happy, Felix is happy, I'm sure Minho will go on to being happy. But what about me?" I cried. "I don't get the happy ending Chan."

I don't deserve the happy ending.