I hate to admit

Why is love so...

No one was coming after me...

It probably has only been a few minutes, but it felt like a lifetime.

The thunder was overhead now, and it was so loud that it made my ears hurt, my teeth were chattering and by now my hair was ruined and my makeup was gone.

I don't even know if my clothes were salvageable at this point.

I was on the cold hard ground, my knees up to my chest and my arms wrapped around myself rocking back and forth. 

You couldn't even tell if I was crying or not because the rain masked it. Every time I looked up the sky was streaked with lightning, and it was as if it was telling me something, like it was almost mocking me. The weather has been bipolar ever since Chan came back into my life, I had a painful good memory of Chan and I in the rain and not too long ago I had a new blissful memory in the rain.

Now my new memory is how I remembered the look on Minho's face, and how I felt after Chan kissed me.

I felt regret.

I felt ashamed.

I felt hatred.

I felt scared.

I felt guilt.

I felt pained.

Most of all I felt a sliver of care for the guy who broke me, who hurt me, who loved me.

All I wanted was for Minho to come and save me, hold me, kiss me, anything at this point. As each second passed, each minute growing longer I couldn't help but think was this one kiss going to define everything we've been through?

Will he never look at me the same?

Will he still love me?

My mind was racing with every thought and every possible outcome.

I felt a sudden pair of hands on me, and I turned around so quick but to only have my heart shatter even more.

"I'm sorry Hyunjin."

I looked up and saw Jisung starring down at me.

"H-he's not coming, is he?" I struggled to speak.

Jisung helped me up and pulled me into his arms.

"I'm so sorry Hyunjin, I never would have imagined Chan doing something like that. Minho he...punched Chan twice and then walked off. I tried to go after him, but he was fast, Changbin went to tend to Chan and Felix he went home." Jisung spoke while rubbing my back.

"Don't apologize Jisung you didn't do anything wrong. It was my fault for not even pushing Chan away." I sobbed.

"It's not your fault either Hyunjin, Chan is completely at fault. Fucking asshole." Jisung spat.

I don't even know how I got to where I am now.

I was so out of it, but I do know Jisung was here with me. I was in some small cozy space, and it felt somewhat homey, I guess.

"Oh, hey you, sorry but I brought you back to my place." Jisung spoke up.

"Y-your p-place?" My voice shaky and teeth still chattering.

"Uh yeah, this is my apartment. It's a place of my own when I don't want to be around the other two. You were really out if it and I didn't want to invade your personal space, but you need to get out of those wet clothes. I drew you a bath and set some clothes aside for you, go get bathed and changed. I got food coming too, and don't worry I didn't tell anyone you where you were." Jisung explained.