Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 23: I can't Do this With Out You Part 1

It's just Nikki and I, standing outside together.... outside the rehab facility he and the rest of the Crϋe aka his family are staying. Every day since I'd found Nikki that fateful night, everyday it's been he and I.... He and I bonded, learning to be honest and open, just being there for one another. Every night since those wee hours of New Years Eve, Nikki has slept in my arms. It feels right, he belongs there. we have no choice but to part from one another and it's killing me, and I KNOW Nikki feels much the same as me. We both know, he needs it but still it doesn't make it any easier...

Nikki has his head buried in my chest, arms wrapped around me tightly as I am doing the same to him, he is sobbing and to tell the truth so am I till Nikki, eyes red rimmed and murky pulls back enough to look at me and he is shaking.

"Jo-Jo B-Bear.... i.... I can't...do this without you, how will I sleep if not in your arms? Supposed to be here till April or maybe March and I know.... we w-will see each other...in a month and all...and...and they figured it was needed.... And..." Nikki breaks down, "I can't trust a therapist, supposed to talk to one...what do I DO?"

I take a deep breath albeit shakily, reaching out to caress Nikki's face before I reply with, "Honeybee.... oh Honeybee.... You won't have to, remember you are never truly alone, but I hear you. I don't know if I can face the night without you in my arms. I know how it feels to be here, facing the unknown.... all your fears, doubts. It won't be forever, I fuckin' promise you babe, though it will feel like it. We can get thru this, YOU can. Baby, no lie I am so damn proud of you for not just doing this, but for how far you've already come. I believe in you Nikki; I need you to know that. As for the therapist? They can help you with things I can't, though I know how hard it is for you to trust people babe. Listen to your gut, listen to your heart and I will always listen to you, be here for you......" I pause as it comes to me, "How would you feel if I wrote you letters? That we would write to each other? and of course you can call me, every day.... but I figured maybe it would help you to write down things you don't feel comfortable sharing with a therapist."

Nikki reaches out and brushes my hair back, fingers tracing my jaw as if committing it all to memory and I for one cannot blame him.

"You don't know how much your words mean to me Joe; how much you DO. I've never had anyone proud of me, or wanna be or believe in me. and.... i would love to do the letters, never had anyone do that before for me. it would help.... there's so much that I still need to tell you, I am working on it."

"I love you Nikki, my honeybee."

"I love you too Joe, my Jo-Jo bear."

Almost as if in slow motion we come together, our lips meeting and working together in perfect harmony and nothing feels as good as this.... feels as good as Nikki. we only part for breath and Nikki's name is called and we both look at one another, tearfully.

"Nikki..." I sob, "I'm really gonna miss you...no lie."

"I will too...so much." Nikki dives back into my arms as we cling to each other tightly.

"I hope its ok..." I begin, "I noticed how much you loved my sweatshirt...so I packed it in your suitcase, I thought maybe it would feel like I was with you in a way."

Nikki gapes at me, but his eyes are shining. "Thank you. Jo-Jo Bear." Reluctantly we part, Nikki suitcases in hand...him continually looking back at me, sobbing now and he disappears for a moment, and I break down, however suddenly Nikki is running towards me, and I catch him his legs wrapping around my waist as I hold him and he kisses me fiercely, and I give in kind. We kiss as if its our last, and sadly it is for a brief time. Then sadly Nikki enters the building for real this time, calling out to me that he loves me, and I do much the same with him.

I remember how hard that day was, I remember standing outside that rehab building I don't know how long. And I remember that night, Nikki called me late to tell me about his first day, course he broke down crying...as did I and I wrote him a letter and sent it the following day....

I remember writing him the following and we'd end up keeping all our letters, putting them in a scrap book before one day we shared them with the world:

-January 11. 1988-

To my precious, wild, beautiful Honeybee....

Nikki it's been hours, not even a full day and I miss you so much it hurts. it feels like a lifetime. I hope my sweatshirt helps, keep you warm where I can't. I can't sleep, I stare already at your side of the bed...clutching your pillow to me, and I swear it smells like you still.

I know you are scared, so am i. As I write this, I am hoping you are safe and I long to touch you. And I know you worry about going to record a new album after Mӧtley finishes with Rehab, record company is wanting to do much the same with Aerosmith and I need you to know you are my priority, you come first Nikki. I love what I do, but I find I love you even more. And I can hear you tell me; you want me to do what I love, and I tell you the same thing. Remember we are still learning to be together; we will work things out I promise you and, in the meantime, I will countdown the hours and the days till I see you next month.

If you need or want anything, please let me know. I will send you stuff regardless Nikki.

All my Love,

Anthony Joseph Perry aka Your Jo-Jo Bear

P.S. Forgive me for not telling you when I dropped you off, I also packed hair-dye and Aqua Net in your suitcase. I know how much you love your hair-spray babe and you've been wanting to dye your hair again. Honestly, I love how you look in all ways, shapes, and forms.

Where you next find me, two weeks will have passed and believe me you I made a calendar, marking off the days till I saw Nikki again. It was hard though, knowing what each of us had ahead and not just band wise. It was hard being apart and especially after an all too short a time together. However, we were together in spirit.

Nikki and I continued to be open and honest with one another, working on things. Nikki would come to tell me EVERYTHING...Doc, things I didn't know. He didn't tell his therapist, telling me, "I Followed what you said, about going with my gut, doing what felt right to me and I figured YOU are all the therapy I need. You truly understand what I am going through better than anyone else, better than a shrink. I am coming to see; you are my everything."

A/N: An emotional but temporary parting, Nikki has entered rehab with the rest of the Crue. Next chapter will be part 2 to this, so stay tuned!