Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 92: Jo-Jo Bear's Back on Tour (Nikki-Perry Sixx)

-Diary Entry, July 21, 1994-

The tour break that Aerosmith's had has come and gone, well their first one at least and now my husband, my Jo-Jo Bear, is once again back on tour for a couple of weeks. And God, when he left? Both of us were fucking wrecks, he'd spent every moment of that last day with me, with our children.... but I was so emotional, they ended up giving me something to make me sleep, because I couldn't calm down and was too upset. That was what? At least a week or so ago, or there bout's or maybe a little over a week, going on two. I'm not fucking sure to be honest. Thankfully after my meltdown or whatever you wanna call it, the triplets were and are ok. Still, I guess it goes back to missing Joe. It hit me hard in the days since his return to Aerosmith's 'Get a Grip' Tour. The look in Joe's eyes, the tears.... the love, hating to leave me. However, he's always with me and since he's been gone.... He makes sure to take care of me and our girls. And he's even arranged, and Tommy's watched at our house...but Joe arranged to have an elevator put in our house to make it easier on me, wanting me to be safe and he's already managed to send me letters and he calls every night but still I miss HIM.

I miss the guys who are with their spouses i.e. Mick and Vince who are with Brad and Tyler respectively, plus their kids. I am so fucking glad that I have mine with me, and of course EVERYONE checks in on me, but I feel so lonely and overwhelmed right now. I mean I know I ain't alone, still though....and I should mention myself, Josephine and Amara are staying with the Adler-Lee Family while the elevator is being put in at our house. They do so much, and they practically corralled me to stay, and really, I could use the help especially now. Its late, the girls are in bed...I tucked them in and of course Joe called to talk to them and our triplets which was seriously adorable.... but NOW, I am in tears, feeling nauseous.... although my morning sickness is under control or more under control the doctor warned me it could still happen occasionally along with dizzy spells and that terrifies me......

-end of entry-

I throw down my diary, closing my eyes groaning.... breathing in and out, thinking of Joe and my children....and I carefully turn over cradling my swollen stomach and realize.... while sobbing....

Joe.... Joe's sweatshirts, I think I packed some.... I need them, they may help with the nausea and calm me down, well, I hope.

I groan some more, eyes still closed wanting to hold Joe in some form or fashion before I slowly and I mean slowly, sit up and get out of bed and thank GOD I have some clothes near, sifting thru sobbing and desperate not to get sick I at last find one of my husband's sweat shirts and bringing it to my nose, I inhale shakily and deeply and at least the nausea slowly starts to ease off, as I put it on carefully and wrap my arms around myself so I can feel like my husband is hugging me and this makes me bursts into tears all over again....

"J-Joe.... I can't w-wait till you can hold me in y-your arms for real." I whisper. The phone rings and thankfully Tommy had one put in all the guestrooms as it were.... but it's almost as if on cue, carefully and quickly I make my way to my bed and pick up the phone, laying back and I hear the most beautiful voice, that sexy as hell Boston accent come thru......

"Nikki, I felt I had to call you.... really needed to hear your voice...and I am really missing you...."

I let loose a sob....

"Oh Honeybee...." Joe is very much concerned, "Breathe.... Breathe, I know.... I know." I close my eyes for a moment, and I breathe managing to calm down as I bring a hand to rest on my stomach.

"I-I just really m-miss you bad tonight. I can't SLEEP....and I was f-feeling nauseous, s-so I got your sweatshirt I packed, so...I could feel like you-you were holding me, but I just can't wait till you hold me in your arms again for real....and I feel like....so overwhelmed emotionally." I practically wail, stammering over every word.

"Oh NIKKI.... I feel the same way, wishing I could hold you right now and want so bad to hold you for real. I hate that you're not feeling well baby, and I can only imagine how overwhelmed you feel right now babe. You say the word, and I will be there in a heartbeat. But know this Nikki, no matter what or where I am at in the world...I am always with you."

"I LOVE YOU..." I whisper, "---You're sweatshirt helped a lot with the nausea, it smells like you, and I feel safer.... I don't know what I'd do without you, and I know I will never have to find out."

"I love you too so much....so much, no lie." Joe says tearfully before adding, "We've got another break in a few weeks' babe and then finally I will be HOME with you and our children in time for Amara's 2nd birthday.... now, you try and get some rest Honeybee ok? I hear how tired you are, I will see you in your dreams and in mine until I can hold you again...."

We ended up chatting a wee bit more, me yawning hugely and despite feeling so emotional, I feel much calmer than I did and for now no nausea. Still, the tears fall once more once we hang up. I cradle my stomach gently and talk to my 3 youngest....

"You guys are getting the best daddy in the world; I wouldn't be alive and here now talking to you if it weren't for him and I promise you will be and are so loved and too you have two older sisters who are so excited to meet you. Now let's see about getting some rest."

I go to lay down when I hear noises outside the door and a voice, the voice of my oldest daughter: Josephine.

"Mommy? You up?"

"Come in sweet bee." I call out concerned as to why she's up so late. Josephine enters the room in tears, worrying me as she rushes to my side and of course being mindful of the babies she hugs me, as I run my fingers through her hair. "What's wrong Josephine? Its late, is.... Did you have a bad dream? Tell me, so mommy can make it better." She finally looks up at me.

"M-Mommy, I couldn't sleep. I had bad dream about Daddy's parents...they come back to try and h-hurt daddy; they make him mad." This freezes my blood and breaks my heart both.

"Oh Josephine, I hate that you had a bad dream like that about them. They hurt daddy, turned their backs on him. He chose ME, ME because he loves me...and really, he CHOSE US.... we are his family, his true family and if that dream does come true, I promise you daddy will be ok.... that it will in the end turn out ok because we will do whatever we can to be there for him, he's not alone and neither are we. Now, why don't you stay with me? would you like that?"

"Please mommy, I wanna stay....and you take care of me, I take care of you cause that's what daddy always say to you."

She did stay, and I, slept for well quite awhile which was really needed. The babies were fine. The point is my oldest daughter, and my husband were my rocks on that July night of the 21st of 1994 and I had NEVER been more grateful for my husband, and ALL my children and family....

A/N: Nikki's thoughts, and emotions and he and Joe miss each other fiercely. And perhaps a possible glimpse of the future from Josephine? We shall see.