Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 25: A Visit with my Heart Part 1

All those weeks that passed, were busy no doubt after that night of Jan. 24, 1988, and not necessarily band stuff as you now know.... Nikki makes no mistake came first in my priorities and our bond only grew with one another, we were learning to be partners to one another and always evolving and learning how to be in a relationship. It wasn't always easy, but we found our way. I was and still am so fucking proud of my husband, how hard he worked to be sober, of how he was healing day by day and to be HIS.

If you are wondering, as far as Nikki's former house went...I even arranged to have a real estate agent meet with Nikki in Rehab. So, the house was put on the market, and it sold quickly when people found out just WHO had owned it, I made sure to shield Nikki as much as good from the negative aspects of it and there sadly were some.

Back to Nikki and me, we still had our days, and we would always carry the trauma of the past and we would learn or remember we always had each other always. Now, at last we have come to another fateful day in our relationship, February 10. 1988, the day when Nikki and I once more reunited and he became pregnant with our first child....

FINALLY, after a month.... a busy month, a month that lasted forever and yet rushed by.... Nikki and I are about to reunite once more, Brad and Steven have already been here, or should I say ARE here, but they took off and oh I KNOW what they are up to. Not that I blame them mind you. Anyway, I am waiting for Nikki.... a bundle of nerves, on the edge of tears and I can't tell you just how much I have missed Nikki. He is doing SO much better than he was, I am so proud of him.

I am waiting for my heart to come to me, and I have for the first time what I hope are romantic surprises, just because I wanted to for Nikki and I catch sight of him and the breathe leaves my lungs and the tears fall and I don't know who moves first nor do I care....suddenly I am surrounded by Nikki, FEEL NIKKI. Us kissing one another fiercely, desperately...his legs wrapped around my waist. Me somehow managing to hold him upright......the kiss turns after a bit, slow...sweet until we part for breath both of us panting as gently, I set Nikki on his feet, wrapping him in my embrace, hardly daring to believe this moment is real.

"Jo-Jo bear...." Softly & tearfully, Nikki reaches out and brushes my hair back then kissing along my jaw, "---I've really missed you..." Nikki's voice cracks, "—So much, the letters and phone calls and journals and all have helped.... i just feel like I am dreaming."

"Honey-Bee..." I breathe shakily, "I've felt the same, like I was missing a part of myself, and I feel like I hardly dare believe that this moment, US is real.... but it feels so right. And I need you to know, I am so fucking proud of how well you're doing Nikki...so proud, I love you."

"Joe.... I love you too." Nikki's look turns thoughtful, "You truly don't know just how much it means to me for you to say those words and you are the only one who can make me believe them.... Now...are you ok? You, seem nervous." Nikki's look grows concerned.

I will myself to calm and take a deep breath, "I am sorry to worry you babe.... it's just I haven't done anything like this before, anything remotely romantic. I thought, since its almost Valentine's and all...I wanted to do something special, get you some special things. I've never had anyone, that I could do these things for."

"Joe, I'd say you've given me so much already.... You saved my life, you fought and suffered a year for me, you give me reason to fight every day. I will still have my triggers, things that still terrify me but baby You've given me your heart, that's enough of a gift or gifts for me. and I see how much this means to you, and therefore it means so much to me."

"Nikki...." I break down, Nikki and I just clinging to one another until I calm enough to tell Nikki, "Close your eyes Honeybee." Nikki does so, smiling and it takes my breath away, I help him sit down arranging my gifts just so and the first, is a bouquet of roses...his favorite red ones mixed with blue ones. "Open those beautiful eyes baby."

Nikki's eyes open and his jaw drops, "Wow...Wow.... you remembered! These are beautiful!"

"They don't fucking compare to you." Nikki blushes at these words, but I can tell he is touched. Nikki sets them aside as I hand him a bag and he pulls out a custom-made teddy bear, wearing a mini version of my jacket the one I wore the night of our sex marathon, the words 'Jo-Jo Bear' stitched on its t-shirt.

"I figured that this would....be a way I could be with you, when I ain't physically here."

I feel Nikki's lips upon my own and I am lost.... lost in him. "I will cherish this." Nikki replies. More gifts follow: Aqua Net, bandanas, another journal for Nikki. Tears flow, tears of joy...bitter-sweet ones and Nikki worries me after awhile when he starts panicking and I immediately take him in my arms, trying to comfort him in any way I can until he finally calms enough to speak to me....

"Joe.... I.... I...shouldn't freak out, and I know...you wouldn't hurt me, I just didn't know..." I cut him off gently, knowing now what he is getting at. I cup his face in my hands, as he nuzzles me.

"I know what you want, what you are getting at Nikki. I know you're scared to ask; you want me to make love to you. I will show you just how much I love you, if you want that, if you need that."

"Please Joe, I really need you. It's just been so long....and so much going on, I didn't.... i got in my head again...."

"Nikki, you don't have to apologize. I want you to be comfortable, go at your pace. Anytime, you want me...need me, I am THERE." Softly.

"Please Jo-Jo Bear." Nikki whispers.

"I've got you." I whisper. I help Nikki gather gifts and we head for his room, and once there I help him arrange them and then my eyes widen as Nikki surprises ME, touching me to my core.

"Before we do this, I needed to show you a song I wrote for YOU." Nikki hands me a sheet with lyrics and I feel the onset of tears. The song in question was 'Without You', off the Dr. Feelgood album and a huge hit. More importantly though, it showed just how much I meant to Nikki...how much he loved me.

"Oh Nikki.... Nikki, thank you. This means so much to me, so much." I whisper, carefully setting the lyrics aside, lyrics coming straight from the most beautiful heart I know and no longer being able to contain myself, I pull Nikki to me claiming his lips in a passionate kiss, his hands slowly doing their wondering already doing their magic, doing things to me...as I tear myself away, with a groan before nibbling Nikki's ear, him letting out a high pitched moan pulling at my hair.

"Joe...." Nikki pants/moans out. "---I need you baby, I need you.... but...so...hard....to keep.... quiet." I answer by leaving marks on his neck, making him moan louder.

"W-What...do you say....to making love in the shower?" I ask.

Nikki's eyes glaze over, with that lustful and loving heat. "PLEASE." He begs. Without warning I scoop him up, keeping his lips busy and lucky us Nikki's roommate being otherwise 'occupied' elsewhere.... the door locked, there is a shower and I stride with him in my arms in the bathroom.... both of us ready to fall over the edge together....

A/N: I know I ended on a bit of a cliff hanger, but I promise it will be worth it. And I couldn't help myself and made this into two parts, and next chapter.... oh just wait! More to come soon!