Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 98: My Worlds (part 2)/ (Nikki Perry-Sixx)

-Diary Entry (October 10, 1994)-

I HATE not gonna lie, that my oldest girls aren't here right now.... I hate sleeping so much, feeling like I am missing out on so damn much, but then.... I realize or see that's not true, NONE of that shit is. I guess my point is, I feel like a damn burden on everyone and that I should be taking care of everyone not the other way around. The sleep Thing, I need as much as I can get....my unborn sons and youngest daughter do too. I am not alone in any of this. I have my beloved and I do mean beloved Jo-Jo Bear, my husband Joe and all five of our children. And it's thanks to our family i.e. Mick and Brad that Joe and I are getting some much-needed time for just us. Joe and I both felt the same way in that we didn't want to be without Josephine and Amara, but too we see and realize that we DO need this time together. And I STILL fucking have issues with nausea and dizzy spells which the Doctor warned me about and or assured me was normal. Plus, I need help more than ever getting up, laying down...you name it. I don't know what the hell I'd do without Joe. Joe, whom as we speak is bringing me something to snack on that I was craving and now, I feel my sons and daughter nudge me, i.e. kicking me, wanting my attention, attention I will more than gladly give them.

-End of Entry-

Tossing my diary aside, I caress my well swollen stomach feeling the babies within move eagerly and despite being a bit uncomfortable, I can't help but smile.

"I love how this feels, even if I am comfortable as hell.... well at least a little bit. Still, I can't help but smile. I love the three of you SO much and your older sisters, I don't know what I would do without all of you and especially I don't know what I'd do without Daddy. Daddy is...well perfect to me, he has his flaws....as I have mine, we both have shitty pasts and still we fell in love. He fell in love with ME, and ya know, he saved my life. I almost died and here I am today, NOW in this moment speaking to you and I...." I trail off for two reasons: one, naturally I am bawling and two, I am starting to feel nauseous and the babies moving aren't helping right now. I close my eyes groaning, doing my best to breathe in and out and thank God I hear....

"Nikki? Hey, I am here ok..." Shuffling noises and the sounds of something being set down and those warm guitar roughened hands I'd know anywhere, caress my face before one hand starts to gently rub my stomach, the hands of MY Joe. I start to speak but my husband of course knows, "—Shh, Nikki you ain't gotta talk cause I know that's gonna make you really get sick. I gotcha.... I gotcha babe."

I feel something being held to my lips, it smells like ginger and lemon.... tea, and its cooled enough to drink and I drink it greedily and slowly, my nausea goes away but the tears remain, and I open my eyes to meet those earthy browns of my husband, who gently caresses my face wiping my tears....

"It sucks babe, it sucks for you I know but I can't tell you nor express what it means to me that YOU are carrying my children, three of them at once and I am so damn proud of you. We're gonna be ok, you will be. I love you." I can feel the babies calm at their father's words and at last I find my voice....

"I-I was feeling them move....and I was talking about YOU Joe, before you came in here, a-and I loved feeling them even though its uncomfortable......but then I got hit with nausea and...and.... I couldn't do this without you." I murmur, practically whispering feeling SO emotional.

"Hey...Hey, Honeybee, I feel you baby and you will NEVER have to do this without me.... Now, do you feel up to eating what I brought you? Do you need anymore tea?" Joe tenderly stroking my face, being so fucking sweet and not gonna lie, making me melt.

"Yes.... I wanna eat, think I can now and more tea in a bit.... but first.... I...." I trail off and my husband who is so in tune with me knows what I want, need and crave: HIM, the feel of HIM as I feel his lips cover my own and the world around us disappears for some moments......

I end up eating my cravings, Joe staying right by me touching some part of me.... both of us just relaxing, but then I really want to get out of bed and take a bath.....and my husband, gets that ready while I doze off and next thing I know, I oh so carefully am helped into the tub, settling back amongst the bubbles, the smell of lavender drifting around in the air, my hands come to rest on my swollen stomach and in this moment I feel so content, and I cry but not sad tears, as I feel my unborn sons and youngest daughter kick me.....

"I know that look......you look so.... god, so content.... happy, just you take my breath away Nikki and too, I bet anything they are kicking you right now." Joe is looking at me with a mix of love, awe and like I am the most beautiful creature he's ever laid eyes on. He's always looked at me like that....and every single time it blows me away and now.... i feel one of his hands join mine and the smile on his face.... god, what that does to me....

"I hope our sons and youngest daughter get that smile of yours...." Softly, Joe looks up at me.

"I could argue they get yours.... Amara has your smile..." This he says fondly and pauses a moment in thought, "OH! I meant to tell you, while you were napping this morning Johnny called checking in on you and well us. He asked if there was anything he could do, if we needed anything and well, if you were feeling up to it if he could come over for dinner and bring Alice Cooper. I said I would talk to you about it, but he also said it was more important for you to rest...and I..."

Gently I cut him off, "Joe......i think that would be great. We haven't seen him a lot this year, sucks because we both you and I know what it's like being fucked up on drugs and all and finding our way again and finding true actual love and you know what else this means? He wants to I guarantee you introduce Alice to us because we're family to him. He started off as a friend, but really, he became family the day he found our oldest daughter and saved her life."

"God babe, you're so right. And I know you will rest, and we will take care of one another, I love you, Nikki."

"Always and I love you too Joe, more than I can ever truly express." I answer, as carefully he leans in to kiss me, and the world once again disappears around us.

I remember this day very well; Joe as always is at the center of those memories of that day......along of course memories of the children we share. After my bath, Joe being so tender with me.... helping me bathe, dry me etc., I ended up falling asleep again. Joe as it turned out, joined me but not before calling Johnny Depp and checking on Amara and Josephine and where you will next find us is a visit from a family friend and the god father of shock rock himself (whom also would become family): Alice Cooper.

A/N: Tender moments, Nikki's inner thoughts and so much more. Next chapter, man I am excited for it! But anyway, stay tuned my friends!