Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 14: Fighting for My Heart, My life.

More time passed.... February became March and so on and so forth till we arrived at May, or to be more exact May 10, 1987, Rehearsals for Aerosmith's comeback underway, a tour that as I have said cemented our comeback, but I didn't want it, and our victory was hollow because I didn't have Nikki. and this is the month before we headed out on our tour.... but back to Nikki, Nikki was dying in earnest at this point, All I had to go by were pictures of him on tv and in the paper and word of mouth. He didn't look healthy, was really getting skinny and there were dark circles under his eyes and speaking of his eyes, there was that ever-present fear and always the sheen of tears. Everything scared me shitless and Mӧtley was also amid tour preparations and God....it killed me, to watch Nikki die from a far and I thought I didn't want a tour with Aerosmith? Nikki REALLY didn't need a tour; he especially wasn't in a fit state, and neither was I. I left messages, I continued to every single day...several times a day, I missed him, God did I miss him. I was missing part of myself, and it took a long time to see that, the nightmares got worse....and on the heels of that came those bittersweet dreams. I worked like a man possessed leaving messages as well to Nikki's management which DID NOT include Doc, desperate to talk to him but to no avail and I ESPECIALLY had been working, hunting, and gathering evidence against that evil bastard: Doc and on May 10, at last things came to a head as far as that goes and that is what is coming next......and one last thing: I made it fuckin' HURT for Nikki.

Even amid tour prep, my planning to bring Doc down hasn't ceased. It doesn't matter how much other shit I got on my plate, all along of course I've tried to protect Nikki where I can but AT LAST today of all day's things are bearing fruit and Doc will SUFFER. And I am not alone, Doc may think I am...but I am not, everything is in its place and I planted it in that bastard's head, that it was HIS idea to summon me, when really it was MINE and we're headed to his office at Elektra as we speak and my every nerve is on edge and I can't help but let my tears flow.

"Perry, we got your back man, got this fucker dead to rights.... but I know and can SEE how much it fuckin' hurts. Just let it out man."

Steven's words only make me cry harder, clinching my fist.... bangs obscuring my eyes, I need to focus for Nikki...but right now, I am barely hanging on.

"—I...I...Know....it.... just KILLS me.... Nikki is D-DYING! AND I F-FEAR.... I...I...don't wanna m-make things worse...." Five months since, I last saw your face Nikki.... five months....and I hope to God, you didn't suffer even more because that bastard manager knows I have feelings for you, that I love you and baby, if somehow you CAN hear me, I love you still. But I have hurt you so much, so much but I am determined to do whatever I can to save you even if it kills me, to bring you back to me....

"You WON'T make this worse, I know it feels like it...but I promise you won't." Tom's words are wise and true, but God they don't FEEL true. Brad and Joey echoing similar sentiments, words of encouragement....and I manage barely to gather my focus and steel myself......

I blink and we're there and I am headed down the hall, feeling like I am heading to an execution, mine...no Joe, HIS.... Doc is fucked. I'd reiterated the plan, the guys in place, hidden and cops have been alerted....

I find myself opening the door, before taking a deep breath and summoning all my anger, my FURY and the fucker looks taken aback and goes to say something, but I cut him off quick.

"No, you don't GET to talk.... don't look SO surprised at how fuckin' pissed I am." I snap, before smirking evilly. "Did you really THINK it was YOUR idea that you summoned me? No, it was mine and you and I both know why we're here." My voice is low and menacing, every nerve on edge.

"Shame about Sixx isn't it?" Silkily. That's IT! I'm gonna kill him or put him in the hospital, which ever comes first. "The whore of A junkie, and you drove him too it. He belongs to me, beneath my boots. How does it feel to have fucked used goods, did he scream for you like he does me?"

"YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" I HISS. "It wasn't a FUCK it was NEVER a fuck not to me, he is NOT trash, and you FORCE him.... don't THINK I haven't seen the bruises!!" I scream.

"Oh, so you finally figured that out huh? Sixx deserved it. He makes me money and that's all he's good for." I am seeing RED. "Sides not like you have proof..."

"Oh, you are WRONG!" Hear I throw down out of my jacket, evidence...statements...pictures from security stills. "You are fucked!" He pales and I fly at him, us falling to the floor...he gets ONE hit in, I let him and I proceed to break his jaw, break that which has been used to break Nikki and my back up arrives before I can kill him, telling me its not worth it and the cops come and I collapse to the floor, the world spinning around me as I hear shouts of my name.....

I wake up to beeping noises, groaning.... panicking, SWEARING I hear Nikki, but I look around and he is gone, he's not HERE.

"You've been out of it for a while, and you need more sleep. You're no good to Nikki or anyone if you don't rest. And if you are wondering, a couple of things: Doc is the hospital, but he's been arrested...the cops were given the evidence and then some, no you wont be arrested...that bastard was to scare to press charges." Steven's voice floats to me, and only now am I aware that Tom, Joey, and Brad are here as well.

I exhale raggedly, my mind a painful haze.... of course, relieved that I could at least save Nikki from Doc, but still.... i start bawling, panicking and I feel myself consumed in darkness once more....my mind, heart and dreams centered on Nikki.... the other half of my heart that is so far from me.

Things were over with Doc, at least until the trial came.... but they weren't over, over if you will for Nikki and I, especially Nikki by a long shot. Nikki was consumed by heroin, still I fought to get through it because Nikki was and IS my greatest addiction. I would come to find out that well naturally Nikki would learn of what happened, but I would come to find out he still didn't feel worthy of me, still he suffered as did I. I would also come to learn as you will see here before long that he cried out in his sleep for me, when he did sleep night after night.

And in time, when it was seemingly too late, and all was lost I would get through, and we'd be reunited. Before then a 'hollow' 'Victory' tour....

A/N: At last Doc is taken care of, and Nikki is safe from that at least. Up next the first of two parts.... 'Seasons of Wither'.