Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 30: My Heart, My Worlds Part 1

The several days or roughly about a week I spent with Nikki, taking care of him...doing my best to as well as our unborn child, well my major point is it was nowhere near enough time spent with him and our child. It killed both of us leaving, the Crϋe guys all promised to try their best to look out for Nikki and let me know how he was doing in addition to Nikki himself of course letting me know.

It was a memorable couple of days I tell you that, for many reasons: First and foremost, finding out I was gonna be a father for the first time.... FEELING the already rounding and firm flesh, Nikki having rough morning sickness and bad insomnia, though he did sleep better with me being there when he did sleep that is and He'd told me he felt safe, and he opened up to me about that that evil bitch Deana did to him when she found out Nikki could conceive children...among other things beat him.... but it was also she let one of her 'sugar daddies' and that's not just Nikki being polite, rape Nikki in an effort to 'breed' him or really trap him with Deana forever. Nikki told me he ran away after that, for the first time at around 14 years of age. Nikki's Nona, he also told me would gain full custody of Nikki or be the one to find him.... He never told her he told me, but she figured it out. The point is when Nikki told ME then...it was all I could do not to hunt down Deana in prison and kill her. Nikki needed me more.

And I felt guilty as fuck the first day I was there, because I was SO fucking tired I slept thru Nikki getting sick AND him leaving for the studio....he'd left me a letter, littered with tear stains basically saying he was sorry...and that he wanted me to rest and how very much he loved me, and he hated feeling like he was letting anyone down especially me. I wasn't angry, it broke my heart......

And then I had to go back to the states, and I left my heart, my worlds behind....it killed me and where you will find me.... or rather Nikki is well by some miracle Aerosmith had finished their album and Mӧtley was finishing up theirs....and I would have a talk with Doug, their manager.... or rather in the midst and I would come so close to losing control...

"Look, they've had no down time since they left rehab. You waited 3 damn days before shipping them up here. And yes, I am aware this is their first album being sober and there's a lot riding on this.... I am worried about Nikki especially. My point is, Nikki needs REST....and for things to slow the fuck down." It's all I can do right now to not murder Doug or beat the shit out of him. Nikki was at the time in the studio and in the recording booth, touching up some parts...he knew I was coming.

"Sixx is a stubborn fucker, it's a miracle they've managed to get anything done since you knocked him up and it's not the time for...this....... I..." Doug sneers.

"Here I'd thought once Doc was gotten rid of, you'd been a decent fuckin human being." I shake my head sadly, before unleashing my anger. "---DON'T YOU DARE TALK ABOUT HIM LIKE THAT!! OR SAY 'KNOCKED UP'.... ITS NOT A DETREMINENT, ITS BEAUTIFUL...HE IS, ITS NOT SLOWING HIM OR THE BAND DOWN LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO SUGGEST IT IS!! I'M NOT STUPID DOUG!" And my temper is unleashed, and before I can beat the shit out of Doug which I am dangerously close to losing control....out walks Nikki, looking pale and murderous his gaze landing on Doug. Mars, narrows his eyes but he too is pissed off, and Vince and Tommy crack their knuckles menacingly.

Nikki is soon at my side, the others flanking us protectively.... Nikki is angry and in tears as I hold him to me and his tone of course there is anger, but too I hear the love. The awe at me defending my lover and our unborn child. I am still trembling with anger trying to calm Nikki's sake, my face buried in his neck, "I heard every word. Every word.... you said. I can't help getting sick, I can't HELP feeling like shit, and my fuckin' insomnia and I already feel like I am letting everyone down when I know its NOT true. Joe is right...so damn right. Its hard for me to slow down and you're making shit worse......"

Mick speaks up, "Go Sixx...we've got this, you and Joe please go relax or try and get your baby checked on, ok? Doug's ass is fired.... i found out something interesting, he's been in contact with Doc." Vince and Tommy murmur their agreements to Doug being fired and if looks could kill, Doug would have hit the floor dead long before now. Turns out Mick knew a manager; another I'd come to know as Allen Kovac who was a true human being.... looking out for Nikki, Vince, Mick, and Tommy...a damn good manager and as it turns out friend.

"You will pay for this...you...you..." Nikki pales more and breaks away to get sick, scaring me as somehow I manage to hold his hair back and then I really freak out when he passes out, screaming really for an ambulance and next thing I know, with Mars taking care of things, along with Tommy I find myself with Nikki in the hospital, Nikki waking up and panicking and they are coming to check on the baby in a minute....

"Hey...Hey....im HERE, ok? I promise you its gonna be ok...." I break down sobbing, "I am sorry Nikki, I didn't mean to do this to you...I..." Nikki immediately quits panicking and looks at me seriously...

"Joe, this wasn't your fault. You didn't do this to me...HE did...Doc and Doug...." Nikki bursts into tears, "I never had anyone do for me what you did, you defended me...defended our baby. It only made me love you more....and for the record, you are already an amazing father. I can't lie though either.... that I blame myself for this, it's SO hard to slow down.... for me, for everyone. I don't know how, but I do know I ain't alone in this and I may still have my moments...but you...are there, here STILL. You have no true idea what that means to me, what you mean to me...." Nikki trails off fearful and I know exactly why, "Do...do you...think the baby is ok? And...and, what about the album?"

"Nikki, honeybee I swear on my life the baby is ok, they will be and don't worry about that babe, just worry about trying to rest as you can, ok? I love you." I lean over and kiss him taking my dear sweet time....and I taste the salt of our tears......

The exam gets started; Nikki anxious as fuck....me in much the same state. Him and I asking 1000 questions about things, we're assured things are ok as they can be, Nikki is smaller than he should be especially given the circumstances but there's nothing to worry about and I note, this is the first time....Nikki and I will see our baby....and the moment he and I see that small outline of a baby, OUR baby....i will remember this forever.

"Wow......i have....no words." Nikki murmurs, "But.... its...beautiful." Nikki murmurs, tearfully.

"It is beautiful.... this, is one of the greatest moments of my life...." I whisper choked. Nikki and are assured the baby are at a good length, and healthy and we receive confirmation that Nikki is a wee bit over 2 months and the most magical moment of all comes, the heartbeat....my heart swells, hearing the most beautiful strong, loud whooshing sound I have EVER heard. It's like music, pure music.

Nikki looks so damn beautiful.... the drama of earlier forgotten for now, by the both of us. Our baby, God.... i can't get over that, nor can I ever forget my lovers' words that I was already an amazing father, its...its everything. Nikki lying here, looking at our baby, hearing their heartbeat and now him looking to me, does the sweetest of things to me....

"This.... this, is.... I never thought I would love this so much. That's our baby's heartbeat, part me...part you, it's so beautiful.... thank you for being here for me."

"I feel much the same Honeybee...I am always with you, always and...." Now that the ultra-sound is over, pictures being printed.... i lean in and oh so carefully kiss Nikki's beautiful swollen stomach, loving the gentle curve...just savoring everything and say to our unborn child with Nikki's fingers running thru my hair, "Hey In there little flower, mommy and I got to see you for the first time. You're heart sounds like your ma's...strong and beautiful. Mommy.... he is my everything, and he's giving me you and I just want you to know how very much I love you and your mommy." I pull down Nikki's hospital gown and meet Nikki's tearful but loving gaze and the world around us disappears but for me, him, and our precious baby.

A/N: Some surprise Drama, another new manager....and sweet, bitter-sweet, and tender moments. Soon perhaps, Joe and Nikki will get some well-Deserved downtime. Stay tuned for more!