Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 37: I'd Do Anything for my Everything Part 1

I'd never been gladder to have been reunited with Nikki than June of '88', but it HURT with how it came about. Running on fear, adrenaline.... scared that I would lose Nikki, lose our child and my husband was even MORE scared than I. I remember very well there was an ocean of tears, me comforting Nikki despite my own fears and really, we comforted and or leaned on one another. Things would get better and FAR less chaotic in time, all that mattered is Nikki needed me and so as I've told him time and again, I will always find my way to you no matter where in the world I am....and with what happened, our love.... our bond would only deepen.

Now, where you will find us is in that hospital room...Nikki and I clinging to one another desperately, neither wanting to let go as I try for his sake and our children to calm them both....

Nikki has a death grip on me and is sobbing hard into my chest and despite my being in the same state, I NEED to calm him down and not just for his sake....

"Shh...H-Honey.... Be-e......I'm...I'm not letting you go.... i know...God do I know how scared you are...how much it all hurts.... but baby PLEASE, you need to try and calm and not just for your sake. I promise you, no lie.... we'll talk and things will get better Nikki......" I stammer, exhaling raggedly, I place a hand on his swollen stomach feeling the baby move, frantically NOT good...urgently, gently I rub it and find my voice again, Nikki AND our baby calming. "---hey, look at me. Focus on me, BREATHE Nikki.... breathe. I swear on my life, I am not angry...I never could be not at you. I came because YOU needed me....and if ANYONE is at fault.... its ME." and it is these words that causes Nikki to pull back enough to look at me, eyes wide, face tear streaked.... I can feel the baby calming, greatly relieving me and I can see relieving Nikki even admist his pain.

"Joe.... its...it's not your fault. I wanted you to be able to do what you love. You took care of me the best you could from afar. You rushed to be here for ME.... I'm still not used to having someone care so much they'd be willing to do ANYTHING for me. we're both still learning how to be a couple, take care of each other and ourselves.... though neither of us should blame ourselves, ya know. Its hard to forget that because I FEEL like.... I mean it's MY fault. I didn't listen to my body, didn't know my limits. The thing is, right now especially I can't do everything like I used to. Its hard to accept that.... i have never truly known how to slow down and I haven't in SO long...like with the band, but still, you are PROUD of me.... still, you're here for me, I can't tell you how much that means to me...." Nikki breaks down again as I hold him as close as I can. "---I can't FUNCTION with out you, you keep me together...keep me sane, whole.... i just.... always fear you'll disappear like you did when I was DYING, seeing you everywhere."

"I would do anything Nikki for you because you are my everything, never forget that. and I hear you honeybee, no lie. You are my greatest addiction; YOU never doubt that. I know exactly how you feel...." I murmur smiling tearfully as I feel the baby kick at my hand." ---I still have this fear of losing you for a third time, when you DIED...in my arms and then they brought you back and ever since then, I wake up to make sure you are still breathing, watch you sleep....to touch you....so that I know you're alive.....we'll get thru this together, I promise you." And here I kiss him pouring all my love and longing into it and afterwards I ask/run my ideas by my husband that I have had in mind...., "—I was thinking, about the nursery and all....like working on that and surprising you with it and maybe use the nursery itself to do a gender reveal AND well we are newly married, so I had some things in mind for a honeymoon, but Nikki at the end of the day....i want to do whatever makes you happy baby."

Nikki looks surprised and awed both at the last line and replies nervously at first with, "I would LOVE to be surprised with the nursery, its...it will be so special it is...but.... I was wondering if we could find out what we're having. And...and, well my ideas for a honeymoon, I wanna enjoy our home.... take walks together, go to the beach, picnics and.... you could teach me how to cook?" Nikki looks at me hopefully and then adds on, "A honeymoon someday yes.... but all I need is you Jo-Jo Bear, you, and our baby....and I think they're coming in soon to do an ultra-sound on me."

"That all sounds perfect to me, absolutely perfect." Softly before I claim his lips once again and then kiss his stomach feeling our child's gentle movements, Nikki running his fingers through my hair as I then speak to our baby, "Daddy can't wait to see you, mommy too. We both love you so much." I look up at my husband to find his eyes are glowing and he's smiling, in this moment happy and peaceful.... Looking so damn beautiful he takes away my breath.

Before long, Nikki's doctor comes in and checks him over.... Nikki grumbling under his breath, I hold his hand and refuse to let go and then comes the moment I will remember forever.... seeing our baby, and our eyes widening collectively at the image on the screen and the fact.... that we are having....

"Oh my god..." Nikki and I look at one another, him laughing and crying both just like me, "Joe.... we're.... having a precious little girl!"

"We are..." I manage to choke out, "She's just as beautiful as you are......thank you, thank you, thank you Nikki. I love you and.... our daughter." I then proceed to pepper Nikki in kisses feeling as if I could fly....

We end up with stacks and I do mean stacks of ultra-sound photos, and at last Nikki is back in his room, telling me.... our daughter is asleep right as he gives a great big yawn. If you are wondering yes, he did eat at several points throughout the day/night I arrived.

"She's sleeping Joe...."

"She's not the only one that needs sleep Nikki, we both do.... I'm not going anywhere baby.... I..."

"Can you please cuddle me and our daughter?"

"I'd never say no to that honeybee." I take my shoes and socks off and carefully, so carefully join Nikki in his hospital bed, making sure he is nice and cozy and just when I think he's asleep.... quietly he tells me what he wants to name our daughter...

"Joe? I was thinking.... I wanna name her after you, the female version...so Josephine."

Tearfully I reply touched, "I would love that.... i ask only one thing, her middle name be Nicole.... a version of your name."

"Josephine Nicole Perry.... i love that." Nikki murmurs sleepily.

"Sleep baby, if you need me...I am right HERE." I murmur. Nikki does fall asleep soon after and I follow suit, and I dream...I dream of Nikki and of our daughter: Josephine Nicole Perry....

Nikki and I did eventually go on a honeymoon, which wouldn't happen until sometime after Josephine was born and that's all I will say for now. Coming up next in our tale, is Nikki and I finally being home.... a family visit and Nikki and I doing the things he talked about doing in the hospital.

A/N: Joe and Nikki are having a girl! A bit of everything here in this chapter, and I am so excited for the next one!!