Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 76: My Heart is An Open Book Part 2(Nikki-Perry Sixx POV)

By some miracle, we managed to get the girls to sleep and so after making sure they were ok we wound up making love in the shower and trying to get some sleep if we can. I just woke up and I have a bad fucking feeling....

Suddenly I hear heart rending, terror filled screams coming from Josephine's room followed by a frightened Amara over the baby monitor. I leap out of bed, scared shitless...Joe I vaguely realize is behind me saying he will try and get Amara calm and back in bed and I know he will join me as soon as he can. I RUN and talk about fucking Déjà vu, I suddenly realize Josephine is having a night terror and I burst into the room, eyes wide as she screams....

"J-Josephine its mommy, its mommy.... i promise you...." She wakes up screaming, scared out of her mind, retreating to a corner of her room the Christmas lights on her tree casting a dim glow......as I approach, trying to calm her down....," Honey its mommy, listen to the sound of my voice, I'm not gonna hurt you, I would NEVER--."

"You took me from my mommy!! I want my mommy and daddy!! Stay away from me!!" oh my god, oh my god she thinks I'm Deana and God, I wish I could KILL that bitch myself! But my daughter needs me!

"Josephine I AM your mommy, yours.... you're at home with me, your daddy and sister....no lie..."

"You're not real!" I despite her protests, desperately scoop her up in my arms as she thrashes trying to get away from me.

"Josephine N-Nicole Perry, listen to me.... PLEASE.... i promise you I am real.... i need you to breathe.... breathe." I tell her as much as myself, all told she quits thrashing, but God is she trembling and is having a panic attack now and I have no clue how much time has passed and THAT don't matter right now, "Josephine, I need you to do something for me ok? Name something you can smell, FEEL, hear.... breathe, breathe, close your eyes baby and breathe. I love you and I am not going anywhere." Eventually she does so.... calm enough to talk....and do her best to do what I asked.

"S-Smell.... Lave-ender and, and licorice...Feel Scared! So scared but.... s-safe and w-warm. H-Hear...heart...sounds like..." Here she looks up at me eyes wide, in tears and realization, "—IT IS YOU mommy. It...feels like you!"

"Very good baby, you're doing so well, ok?"

"B-But.... I woke everyone up!" She wails and then looks around fearfully, "W-Where daddy?! And....and is mean lady gonna get me?!" Slowly I rock her back and forth, sobbing and then I feel those arms I love and know so well wrap around me and our oldest daughter.

"Sweet bee, it's OK. I know it doesn't feel like it. I am right here, here with you and mommy. Your sister is fine, I got her to go back to sleep. We will NEVER let her get you again, no lie." Joe states seriously and tearfully both. "And talk to us Josephine, please baby...its safe here, you are safe I promise."

I manage to share a look with Joe, KNOWING what I need to do, I never pictured I'd be doing what I am about to in this way.... but she needs it as much as I.

"it's ok Nikki, I got you.... got you both." Joe whispers.

I shudder and look down at my daughter, "You know how dark and scary your head is?" A trembling nod, "When I say I KNOW just how you feel.... I DO. I wanna tell you a story, MY story, ok?" I take a deep breath and begin, "I was like you, I am so much like you.... I was 'hurt' badly by Deana ever since I can remember. I was a child, hurt.... bruises, beaten. She let...she let her 'boyfriends' beat me, she was a bad person yet all I'd ever wanted was her to love me. it was always 'about me' and my fault. She let her boyfriends as I got older and she found out I could have babies, attempted to make me have them so she could hurt me and keep me forever. As I grew up, it got worse and so one day as a kid I RAN but she caught me. eventually Nona, my grandmother took me in.... but I didn't know what love was in ANY form, still Nona blesses her was there for me. And when I was a teenager, I ran from home again....and wound up here in LA, I lived on the streets for a time. I was wild, I didn't trust anyone, I couldn't. No one in my world ever did anything just because they loved me until your daddy. But I wound up doing drugs, bad ones like coke, speed, anything that could try and numb the pain. It wasn't bad YET, still the abuse endured or would, partners.... managers, like that man daddy put away who beat me, forced me to 'attempt' to have babies and got me addicted to the worst drug of all called Heroin.---" I tell her more, filling in the gaps, like when Mӧtley formed....Doc, Doug....i tell it ALL and in the end a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and finally, though still crying she says....

"Oh mommy...Mommy......so that why you know how I feel since mean lady took me?" She cries.

"Part of it, but yes and so does daddy. I wanted, needed to tell you everything to remind you, remind me that NONE of us are ever alone. And that you are special, that hasn't changed nor will it, that it's OK more than to have your bad days, that you DO deserve love and happiness and so much more. You are so brave Josephine, so brave. You've nothing to feel guilty about, you are so loved...so strong. I am proud of you, so proud and proud to be your mommy. Remember that light can be found even hidden in the dark."

"Mommy? Thank you, I know...it hurts you...everything and...and all I would see is mean lady hurting me, yelling at me.... being alone...scared....and in the dark. It hurt; it still does mommy. I yelled at her, tried to hurt her cause she hurt you mommy and daddy too. I told her you are a special mommy, very special. I walked forever and forever, and I heard you and daddy in m-my head, I thought of good things and then Mr. Johnny found me."

"Josephine?" Softly Joe says. "I too know what it's like to be hurt and get in your head. I had abusive partners; I was married before mommy.... twice, was beaten...lied to for so long. Even Uncle Pink and I.... When we were young, that wasn't love. I didn't think I deserved that; I did drugs.... drank too much.... a lot like mommy and everything changed, and I didn't know it the night he and I met. Neither of us KNEW what love felt like, it should be, could be......and then when we met all I knew is that he.... the more I saw him, was near him...the more I had to see him, be near him. things still weren't good; his manager then was hurting him.... threatening him and then me and then I lost him, we lost each other your ma and I. but then apart we realized what had really been there all the time, we were in love.... we'd fallen. For a year, I fought for him.... I was learning and had learned what that meant, that love hurt in a bad way and in the best. Your Mommy, got deep into Heroin....and I nearly lost him for good around Christmas time the year before you were born. I got there just in time...." Joe breaks down before continuing, "And I spent Christmas in the hospital with him and we learned, learned to love even more....to be open with each other. He's the other half of my soul. He's my gift, he's given me so much Josephine...his heart and then he gave me you and then your sister. We are always learning, sweet bee. The point is, you are not and will never be alone. And I promise things in time will get better, hurt less."

"I love you both so much.... you and mommy, THANK YOU. I understand." Josephine sniffles, then her look grows fearful, but she shakes her head. "What if I have those bad dreams again daddy? But.... i don't have to be alone, right?"

"Right baby."

"I've got an idea, why don't you stay with daddy and I tonight? And we can watch a Disney movie or something to help you relax. And when you fall asleep or before remembering our words, and think of all the ones and things you love Josephine ok?" I ran my hands through her hair.

"Ok mommy. I love you....and I love you daddy."

"I love you too sweet bee, and mommies always got the best ideas, don't he?" Joe says reverently really.

"He does daddy." It doesn't matter how late it is, but I can see already.... Josephine looking at Joe and I, that tonight really is helping her.... there is lighter in her eyes. Before I know it, we're in our bedroom having checked on Amara first who is still sleeping, looking more peaceful like she knows.......

A/N: Part 2 is done and now Josephine will truly begin to heal. And there will be a part 3 to this, so stay tuned.