Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 79: Twas the Night Before Christmas Eve

A few days before Christmas Now, Amara is excited yet worried for her older sister.... Josephine tries to be excited, but today hasn't been an easy day for her, more like one of her 'bad scary days' as she calls them. She's been so damn quiet, quick to tears and looked constantly to me and Nikki fearing she'll be taken away or we will and my heart fucking breaks. Josephine has clung to us, alternating between Nikki and I...speaking of my husband he told me with tears in his eyes during a quiet moment while we were fixing dinner, "God...I HATE this for her. I know we'd really helped her the other night, but still......still, it reminds me so much of what it was like for me on drugs, struggling with that...those dark days that seemed to come and go. It will take time; she is still healing....and so am I."

I'd replied with, struggling to hold back my own tears......, "—God I know Honeybee, we both do...but I thank God that we are together, that SHE is not alone and is back in our arms where she belongs. She will get through this, so will we. I swear it, don't matter how long it takes."

Josephine was so tired, so tired and I remember carrying her up to her room, tucking her in, making sure she was ok as she could be.... that she had her ollie, bee-bee and Berry with her.... kissing her forehead and I had one of those feelings....one of those nagging feelings.

Which brings us to now, lying here in the dark in the wee hours of December 23...and I am startled a bit, Nikki is still sleeping clinging to me.....something tells me to check on Josephine....i manage to not wake my husband and I quickly check on Amara who is still sleeping away before going into Josephine's room panicking now that I realize she is not in her bed....

Where could she be? Oh god...oh GOD....... wait......breathe, close my eyes and breathe....

Ok, I know now EXACTLY where she is.... a safe and special place, her favorite place besides our kitchen. She's in our studio/practice room aka the Boneyard.

Managing to calm my panic long enough to concentrate, now that I realize exactly where my oldest is, I fairly sprint to our studio and what I find breaks my heart: Josephine on the floor, hugging her knees to her chest slowly rocking herself back and forth, my heart drops.

"B-bad dream.... bad.... BAD dream..." She mutters shivering. Slowly I approach trying NOT to scare her and softly I speak crouching down to her level....

"Josephine? It's daddy, I'm here, ok? I've got you; I've got you." I take her in my arms, her clinging to me now sobbing into my chest relaxing a teensy bit, enough to realize it is indeed me, as I rock her in my arms trying to soothe her. "---talk to me, I know it hurts.... i know your head is so dark and scary, but I PROMISE you it will help you to talk, that I WILL."

"N-No daddy....no...too scary....it will hurt you....and m-mommy." She whispers, I only hold her tighter.

"Hey, hey you can tell us ANYTHING it doesn't matter if it hurts us. We always want you to be honest, though God knows it can be scary a lot of times to be so. I promise you; I've got you."

Josephine looks up at me finally eyes wide, face tear-streaked hesitating. "You promise daddy?"

"I promise, NO LIE."

"O-Ok.... I.... dream....m-mean lady.... she.... she hurt me bad, I died daddy.... i sleep forever, y-you and mommy, and sissy everyone...s-so...so sad. And...and I...I.... couldn't go back sleepy...... Oh daddy!!" She wails.

I freeze a moment breaking down.... managing barely to find my voice, "I will never, EVER let you be hurt again. I'll NEVER let her hurt you ever again Josephine. We will never leave you, mommy and I...nor your sister.... nor our family. I will never let anything like that happen to you again little bee, no lie...no lie."

"C-Cause, no-no...matter what you find way to me?" She asks.

"Always." I promise.

She looks around fearfully, "W-Where mommy...I.... want mommy!"

Before I can answer again, I see and feel Nikki. "Hey. Hey mommy's here, I woke up realizing daddy wasn't in bed and neither were you. I was worried."

"M-Mommy..." She leaps from my arms to his, as he holds her to him, and I wrap my arms around them both. "Sissy?"

"She's ok, still sleeping." Nikki answers.

"Mommy? I told daddy...I had scary dream where mean lady hurt me really...bad and I die and make everyone sad." Nikki breaks down and despite his tears, tells her..., "I know how hard that was for you to tell him....to tell me. We'd never let that happen to you; I would die for YOU Josephine.... for those I love."

"I sorry....it really late...and I..."

Nikki cuts her off, "that doesn't matter.... You need me, need daddy, we are THERE. You have nothing to be sorry for, you are still a healing baby. And I know how shaken you are, remember that I have been there SO many times myself."

I catch Nikki's gaze and Josephine's and I have an idea.... I get up, my husband and oldest daughter looking at me curiously as I walk over to my guitars, knowing exactly which I want to.... give it to my daughter.

"Josephine? Come here, please." Softly. She does so, though she refuses to let go of Nikki's hand and I do not blame her. "I wanted to do something special for you that I hope will help you...see this guitar? It's your favorite of mine, right?" A little nod, "Well, its YOURS. I wanna give it to you, and I don't mean just for practice.... This can be your first guitar, and you can start your own collection. I know you've dreamed about that." Her little jaw is on the ground, she is stunned and then to my surprise, she flings herself at me.... LAUGHING, smiling and I love the sight.

"You really mean it daddy?!"

"I do sweet bee, no lie. Merry Christmas sweetheart."

"Merry Christmas daddy and mommy and everyone!"

Josephine suddenly frowns and I know why......

"You afraid to go to sleep again?" I ask.

"Yes daddy.... sleep scare me." She answers, starting to cry. I pick her up and hold her, Nikki leaning into me.

"I know it does Josephine; I promise you it will take time, but you will get there. I am proud of you, so proud. Mommy and I both and you are so loved sweet bee."

"I have an idea...." Nikki begins, as Josephine and I look to him. "Why don't you stay with daddy and I tonight? We can watch a Disney movie and everything to help you relax, would you like that?"

"Please mommy?"

"Of course." Nikki answers, kissing her little forehead before he and I then manage to share a kiss.

"I love you mommy and I love you daddy and thank you." Josephine leans her head against my other shoulder.

We love you too, so much more than mere words could ever express.

Of course, that is exactly what we ended up doing but not before Josephine jammed a wee bit on her new guitar aka formerly mine. She said it helped her calm a little bit more. I was willing to do whatever it took to help her and comfort her and that night was worth it more than, because for a beautiful moment she LAUGHED, SMILED even admist her pain, forgetting it even if for a moment. And those wee hours of Christmas EVE, EVE if you will.... everything I did, and Nikki.... well, it helped a lot more than we realized.

Where you next find the Perry Family is on Christmas Eve and did in fact have our extended family over, Josephine I remember very well telling me then, "I've really missed our family daddy, so much. I am sad still, I hurt but I am not alone. You, mommy and everyone is right there...always."

A/N: Chapter 79 done, a mix of sweet...bitter-sweet and painful moments. More to come soon!