Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 24: I can't Do this With Out you Part 2

I am alone, not even bothering to keep the tears at bay as I mark off another day on the calendar. Another day Nikki isn't here with me, in person at least. And I wonder how the HELL has it been two weeks already?! It's been hard, I can't lie. Every night, every night I dream of Nikki. The nightmares at least have started to get better for both of us. During the day, well at least the past couple of days especially been working on rifts and song lyrics, talking over ideas with Steven, Brad, Tom, and Joey. We've even hung out, and they know how hard it is for me to be apart from Nikki especially since we'd only been reunited a little over a month. Brad is in the same boat as me, he hates not to sleep in his lovers' arms. And during the hangouts if you will, found out something rather shocking regarding Steven, though in hindsight it shouldn't've been.... he'd recently started talking to someone and that someone, none of us had a fucking clue it would be one Vince Neil of Mӧtley Crϋe. Steven finally pulled his head out of his ass, and it turns out he and Vince have more in common than they thought, and I really was happy for my friend.

However, the problems came at night...night like it is now, when I am alone, and I see echoes of Nikki everywhere. The time we spent together I'll always treasure, and I know it's just a little while longer and we will be together again. I'd called earlier to check on Nikki and he'd thanked me for sending him a journal to write down things he couldn't trust a therapist with and told me in addition to the letters we exchanged, and the phone calls it is really helping him. He also broke down, spilling everything about Doc.... that Doc of course as I'd figured raped him, more than once, tried to whore Nikki out, was in league with Deana, physically hurt Nikki AND is the one that started Nikki on Heroin. All those things made me immediately wanna go to the jail and KILL Doc, but Nikki needed me. Everything came out in a rush, Nikki sobbing heart wrenching sobs yet also he told me he felt like such a huge burden had been lifted that someone knew everything, that I KNEW.

I go to sit on my bed, waiting for the phone call from Nikki and to read the latest letter he's written me, and I smile through my tears as I see it addressed to 'Jo-Jo Bear' from 'Your Honeybee'. I open the letter and begin to read:

To My Most beloved Jo-Jo Bear (January 24, 1988)

Joe,

These past 2 weeks have been torture without you, especially at night. I can somewhat distract myself during the day what with therapy's, writing my thoughts, lyrics etc. but the night.... When the night comes calling that's when the loneliness comes knocking at my door. I find myself every minute of the day, thinking about you...wondering what you're doing, if it's me you're seeing in your dreams and somehow, I know you are. I just am still working on so many of my issues, like I feel fucking guilty that I am here in Rehab and not there with you. You need me too.

However, I need you to know I wouldn't be HERE... ALIVE at all if it weren't for you Anthony Joseph Perry. You saved my life, and I am every day grateful...I mean you don't even know how much that you came back into my life. You do things for me, that I have never had anyone do for me before. The point here is that I am healing, thanks to you. I am getting there as far as mentally being in a better place.

And I am finding that I do the same for you, it's like you said together we will heal with one another, and I tell you I can never get over that: together.

All My Love,

Nikki

P.S. I can't fucking believe Vince is talking with Steven Tyler, and he won't shut the fuck up about it. And in other news, we were roommates, but he snores way too fucking much, so now he's rooming with Tommy, and I am rooming with Mick, which is a good thing because we're working on our friendship as well. And I meant to thank you for sending me more Aqua Net and more of your sweatshirts, I sleep in your shirts every night and imagine it's YOU whose holding me, they comfort me. One more thing: There's something I wanna ask you.... but I am really scared to ask...

I clutch Nikki's letter to my chest, in tears....so many emotions, pride, love, bitter-sweet you name it and that last line, gives me pause yet deep down I have the feeling I know what it is, I am scared to and I have been meaning to ask him if he'd move in with me, all I know is I can't live without him anymore. He belongs in my arms, my house...not OUR house or I hope it will be.

Suddenly the phone rang, breaking me out of my reverie and I put the letter on the nightstand and answered my phone: Nikki, who is in tears and freaking out, which breaks my heart.

"J-Joe...Jo-Jo...."

"Breathe Nikki...please baby, don't cry.... you'll make me cry, just breathe, and tell me what's wrong, whatever it is I PROMISE you it will be ok." I do my best to soothe him.

"I... I.... its bad tonight.... but.... really.... I wanted to ask, I am afraid," Nikki gasps out.

"Baby, I know you're overwhelmed as fuck right now and you can ask me ANYTHING and I think I know what it is and well the answer is 'yes'...matter of fact, I was really scared to ASK YOU." There is silence, and I can hear Nikki's shaky breathing, it lasts for some moments until finally a much calmer Nikki, still crying but calmer says to me....

"I...wow.... you really mean it? You...want me to move in with you?"

"Yes Honeybee, all I know is I know what life is like without you and since you stayed with me, it just feels right. You belong there with me, ya know I bought that house with you in mind Nikki, and I miss sharing a bed, holding you."

"Ok Jo-Jo Bear, you're right...so right and that's...that's so damn, I mean wow that you did something like that for me. I love you." Nikki says softly.

"I love you too Honeybee....and don't worry about your house, I'll help you take care of it ok?"

Another stunned silence follows until Nikki says choked, "How the hell did I get so lucky to have you come into my life Joe? I never wanna let this...YOU go."

"You deserve the world, Nikki; you deserve everything, and I ask myself the same thing when it comes to you, and you will never ever have to let me go."

He never has let me go, nor have I him. I remember that phone call that night, we talked half the night.... i kept my promises to Nikki and immediately and it didn't matter what I had going on band wise, but I immediately started helping Nikki with his house: from cleaning it, to moving his records and things that truly meant a lot to him to, our house and of course, that included selling.

More weeks would pass, Nikki and I continued our late-night phone calls and writing one another letters and on February 10, 1988, exactly one month to the date Nikki entered Rehab.... I came for a visit that would come to be life changing for Nikki and I both and of course for the first time ever, I'd also do something romantic for Nikki and well you will see.

A/N: Joe and Nikki are moving in together and Nikki is making amazing progress with his recovery and sobriety and Next Chapter A visit of a Lifetime.