Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 31: My Heart, My World's Part 2

Seeing mine and Nikki's precious and I do mean precious baby for the first time.... god, it literally feels like it was just moments ago. The world around me, disappeared and all that there was, was Nikki...myself and our unborn child. All the worries and the drama and shit we had to navigate for the moment put on the back burner. The day this happened, this magical...magical experience happened marked another turning point in mine and Nikki's relationship, we were as always ever evolving. The point is: we would learn to finally slow down, Nikki especially, still we would have our days and a few months from this point when I and my Aerosmith family had to go to England for the Donnington Festival.... well, Nikki VERY sadly couldn't go as he'd be working on stuff for his band, and he'd overdo it. He would come to tell me how scared he was, how he blamed himself, and how it was too much, and he would also have help with him. I'd never leave him alone and as it turns out; our baby would be fine...still it scared Nikki and I shitless....

Now, where you will find us is where I'd left you off the last time....

Nikki and I, our gazes locked still eyes filled with tears.... for we have just seen the most precious and stunning sight: Our baby, for the very first time. I'd never ever thought I'd get to experience this, not in my lifetime but now that I am, I can't imagine my life another way now.

I blink and it seems Nikki and I are back in his room and before anything else can be said or done, I get as close as I can to my lover and claim his sweet, sweet lips.... A kiss that is everything: passionate, tender, decadent and sinful. We kiss until parting for breath, and I am very worried when Nikki bursts into tears, freaking out...immediately and carefully I take him in my arms, being mindful of our baby and do my best to calm my lover...

"Hey...hey, try and breathe Honeybee. Tell me what's wrong, what's on your mind so I can make it better."

Nikki buries his face in my neck breathing me in and gradually he calms enough to talk, his voice still husky from tears as I rub his back. "I just.... freaked...because the album.... mixing...and...and.... what if I t-turn out like D-Deana? I have...this...fear that I will. And...And I am SO afraid too...that, that I will go back to how I was before and I know that if I don't take care of myself NOW, that could happen."

I gently place a hand on his swollen stomach and one on his cheek caressing it, "I know how much despite everything, that your album means so much to you. You've worked so hard and I for one am damn proud of you, everyday no lie. You're so overwhelmed Honeybee, you haven't STOPPED, slowed down in so long, especially the past two years. I promise you the album will be a huge hit and things will be ok there." Here I look at him seriously, "You will NEVER turn out like her, you never have been. You open now, you smile more, you LOVE...you love me....and you're doing an amazing job carrying our child. Already you are an amazing mother to me. I hear you on your fears though Nikki, together we will fight them, I will fight them for you....and I know how easy it is to get into your own head, and I love you.... I love you Honeybee so much and now I love our little flower. Things will get better in time I promise."

Nikki's eyes despite being red rimmed and puffy fairly glow, him looking at me like only HE can, making my heartbeat faster...

"Anthony Joseph Perry, my Jo-Jo Bear.... i am finally...I mean it taken me SO long to even begin to see that I am worth being loved, that I am WORTH it...worth everything.... I must no longer face the darkness alone. I am SEEING that, especially you love me no matter what. I've never known what this feels like, neither have you...together, we're learning...I love that..." Nikki breaks down once more, "The...the Album......its...its.... you're right...I just...." Nikki struggles to say and I get his meaning loud and clear.

"It's your baby, I know.... You're not letting anyone down Nikki, I promise you. The album is basically done yeah?" Nikki nods, "You know they will get you to rest.... I..."

Nikki sighs, "I know....as hard as this is for me...our baby, my mental health....US come first...and, and...I trust Mick, he'd suggested staying to finish up with the mixing and I believe I am gonna take him up on that." Nikki looks down shamed until I tilt his face up.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of Honeybee." I assure my lover, "I can see how hard this is for you, all of us.... have your back...Now sleep, I can see how exhausted you are." I gently lay Nikki back, wiping away his tears as he protests.

"Joe...please.... i wont sleep...."

I place a gentle finger to his lips and smooth his hair back, "Nikki you're severely exhausted.... This isn't good for you. Now, I can see about getting you something to help you sleep that's safe for our baby." Nikki gives in and so is given something to help him sleep that's safe for our little flower and he asks me to cuddle with him, and I would NEVER say no to that as I manage to oh so carefully join him in his hospital bed, making sure he's warm and cozy and I gently cradle his swollen stomach and I talk to him as the medicine kicks in and he begins to drift off. "---I hope you know Nikki how very much I love you, am proud of you.... I am proud to be YOURS. And I ain't going anywhere, I want my face to be the first one you see when you wake up. I love you...I love you and our little flower beyond words." I realize now that Nikki is asleep, a much-needed sleep and without waking him, I gently kiss his lips and he knows its me as there is a little smile on his face, his features more relaxed now and I join him and our baby in sleep, my family...all of us together.

Nikki slept a long time, so did I.... Sadly though, his morning sickness was rough as hell despite being in the hospital and the insomnia kicked in. He believed as did I, he couldn't truly rest until we were home...till he was home and he was sad he'd tell me, he hadn't gotten to explore our house...not like he truly wanted to and I made sure to fix that, I'd do anything to see him smile. All told, Nikki spent several days in the hospital. Mick sure enough did in fact, get done with the mixing...taking the lead, with Vince Neil and Tommy Lee helping.

And of course, naturally everyone visited Nikki, taking it upon themselves to get things Nikki needed, that I needed and that our baby needed. It meant so much, it still does to this day and then I was never more relieved, and I know Nikki sure the hell was, when we came home.... Our first day back was very bitter-sweet and emotionally draining for poor Nikki, and we would learn more of the aftermath of Doug, the connection with Doc and the consequences of that. And Mick would call upon the man as I have said before I'd come to know as Allen Kovac.

So, at long last we'd, Nikki especially would get some MUCH needed and Well-deserved downtime and Nikki would better begin or truly begin healing, and it wouldn't be too much longer from that much remembered date of April 3. 1988, maybe about two months Nikki would resume working on his band's album....and sadly one of my nightmares would come true.... i WILL go ahead and tell you, our baby would be ok, still it was scary as fuck as i have often said. 

A/N: tender moments, the bitter-sweet, a bit of everything with a taste of what is to come. Next chapter at last Nikki and Joe come home. Stay tuned!