Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 32: Home At Last & Aftermath

Home is where the heart is or so they say. In my case, my home......my heart was/IS Nikki...and our precious children.... As I have mentioned previously, our first day back home was very draining emotionally for Nikki and God was it bitter-sweet. He cried, I cried.... I just really missed having him THERE and he wanted to be able to truly enjoy our home. The emotionally draining or the hard part is the same day we arrived home after a rough flight filled with morning sickness for my poor husband who slept uneasily in between, but the same day we learned just EXACTLY what came of getting rid of Doug and his connection to Doc or with him. It was scary as fuck for my poor Honeybee, it scared him so bad...and I was right there with him, being the rock...the calm that he very much needed. Nikki has often told me in connection to that now remembered date of our homecoming, "I feel like I should have known...known that DOC... that Doug was in on this. One thing I know though above all else. If you Joe, is you will give them hell, you stood by me.... then and now. I couldn't have begun to heal that day in the end if it wasn't for you."

Nikki after a few days was cleared to leave the hospital, him and the baby checked over thoroughly making sure it was safe for him to fly home and thank God, that...that was indeed the case. The flight felt eternal. I could see and feel for poor Nikki, who slept fitfully in between bouts of morning sickness, and I did whatever I could to take care of him, just to be there.

Which brings us to now, Nikki barely able to keep his eyes open as we pull up to our house and he needs sleep, and he and I both hope it helps him being home...at OUR home. I park and Nikki who hasn't spoken in a while is a little more awake, his eyes filling with tears as he looks up at the house.

"I never thought, I'd see this house again...." Nikki practically whispers reaching for my hand, which I gladly give him and squeeze it gently. "---This, you don't know how often I dreamed of this house, the time I spent here after...my overdose, how much it really FELT like home. Its...it's a lot to take in."

"I know how you feel baby, believe me I do. This house...it felt like something was missing while you were gone." Quietly my voice edged with tears, my tone shifting to concerned. "Nikki, it was missing you. But you are here now, with me, and that is all that matters. Now, let me get you and our baby resting."

"I-I should be helping you!" Nikki bursts into tears, and I unbuckle and before he can blink, I carefully scoop him up in my arms as he clings to me.

"But Honeybee you ARE. You, like I said, are HERE with me, you're carrying OUR baby and I know how hard it is for you to rest. All you need to do is worried about that, that's all Nikki and I know too you hate staying in bed.... being idle, you can do stuff, I won't stop you...but within reason baby. I've got you; I've got you." I rub circles gently on his back and gradually he calms but then looks at me as if embarrassed and so I tell him, "You can't HELP how you feel. You have nothing in this world to be embarrassed or shamed about. I love you."

"Ok.... you...you promise?"

"On my life." Softly, I worry about the bags for later. Nikki and our baby are my main priorities, so I carry my precious worlds into the house unlocking the door and asking Nikki where he'd prefer to rest. He whispers practically the living room for a bit and that's more than ok with me.... I lay him on the couch, covering him with a blanket and he decides he wants to cuddle me and sure the hell Ain't turning that down as I carefully lean over checking our messages and suddenly, I get a feeling....

I get this feeling.... a bad one, that there will be news.... learning of the aftermath of Doug, the Doc connection etc. and I swear on my life, Nikki will get the justice and peace he DESERVES, and I will and no doubt our family will raise HELL...AND too I worry about how this will affect Nikki.... this on one hand is the last thing he needs right now, especially since it's his homecoming....

"Joe?" Nikki shakes me out of my stupor, voice small.

"Oh Nikki, I am sorry.... i didn't mean to worry you..." I begin, "I just get this feeling, there is news on Doug and all, I worry about you...I know this will hurt."

Nikki sighs heavily, "Much as I fucking hate it, it's inevitable.... just don't let me go." I declare fiercely that I will never let him go, as I check messages and the newest one is from Mick Mars, who apologizes as he figures Nikki, and I are home now, and we learn EXACTLY of what my gut was telling me:

Turns out, Mick had been suspicious or caught Doug talking to Doc who told Doug everything that was going on with Nikki and that we were all being played the whole time. We also learned that Doug after we left, got the shit beat out of him and is in jail now, and likely will go to trial and Nikki, my poor Nikki is shaking and in tears and declares he's heard enough.

"I-I wanna go upstairs!" He cries clinging to me, as I carry him oh so carefully upstairs him crying, breaking my heart.... He's mentally and physically exhausted and no sooner than I set him on his feet than he races for the toilet me on his heels as he drops to his knees and heaves into the toilet for a bit until finally, he's done. "I...I should be happy.... but...Joe, a-another trial? My...nerves are fucking shot; I just need a BREAK. I-I know you, got my back...the guys too...I just..."

"Shh honeybee, I know its hard...and it hurts. I wont let those bastards hurt you anymore nor them take you or our baby from me, I can see in your eyed and hear it in your voice you fear that will happen. I swear I'd NEVER let that happen and I will raise HELL and get you justice baby." I do get Nikki to calm more, who worries about the baby, and I get the feeling, I just KNOW our baby is ok. I just knew and of course I turned out to be right.

I help Nikki up and clean his mouth out...him refusing to let go of me and he declares he wants a shower and that he needs to try and eat a little something. I take care of his needs and then some.... helping him shower, changing him into my clothes....t-shirt and sleep pants, tucking him in bed as he drifts off, I kiss his lips....and his features relax.

"I will be right back baby, if you need me call me and I will always find my way to you no lie," I whisper before heading down stairs, getting the bags in, sorting our laundry out and then gathering Nikki something light and some ginger ale and by the time I make my way back up to our bedroom, Nikki wakes up groggily looking like he needs more sleep, his eyes light up upon seeing me.

"Jo-Jo bear..."

"Honeybee, I got you something lite to eat and something to drink. Now let's get you fed and then you get back to sleep, ok?"

"You'll join me, right?"

"Always." Softly, and so it goes...Nikki eats as much as he can and drinks some ginger ale and we wait a bit, and it looks like for now it will stay down. I strip down to my boxers and join him in bed, spooning him...our hands entwinning over his stomach, me holding my loves to me.

"I love you Jo-Jo bear....and I love our baby. Just thank you for always being here for me." Nikki whispers sleepily.

"I love you BOTH SO much honeybee, I will always, always be here for you both. Now sleep." Moments later Nikki's breathing evens out and he is asleep before I join him, I whisper, "this wasn't how I wanted your homecoming to go, but Nikki the point is you are home with me, where you belong and I am gonna take care of you, our baby...everything. I love you...I love you."

Gradually I drift off and join my lover in sleep......

A/N: A bitter-sweet homecoming, next chapter well earned downtime for our favorite couple especially for Nikki.