Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 8: Razor's Edge

Drama, Trauma.... drugs, sex, PAIN often go hand in hand. why? Who the fuck knows? That's just the way it goes or seems to, the nightmare I started to have of Nikki, came true or it would.... sadly, and I do mean sadly. The nightmares came, after our unofficial date and I don't just mean my visions of my husband's death, but my own....and 'the death' if you will of what I would realize too late of our romance, seemingly ill-fated then. I kept Nikki at arm's length, distanced until he came to ME in a state, I'd never seen him in before, where he would beg me to make him forget.... that's coming here before long. First though, before we get there a few weeks will have passed since October 10, 1986. Two to be exact, putting us on October 24, 1986, where in you will find drama.... pain, and the consequences of my time with Nikki....and well you will see.

What the hell has happened lately? I've started avoiding Nikki or felt like I have, true though is the fact that my band and his have been mired down in the studio though we had been finding time to hang out on breaks and the like and there is the fact that Steven's been keeping me on a fucking leash ESPECIALLY since as he said two weeks ago, after I'd been out all night with Nikki and drunk...I missed studio time that day, one damn day out of all the days we've been at this and besides the album is nearly finished anyway, though honestly it feels like something is missing.....ALLOW me to interrupt here, my monologue....it would turn out to be the song 'Angel' that I wrote for and about Nikki, however this would not come about till sometime January 1987.

I need a smoke, a drink....and to get the hell away from Steven. I am SO tempted to punch his face in, I nearly toss my guitar down in frustration and damn it all, Nikki sneaks into my thoughts.

Tom whispers to me while Joey nods at me managing to for now distract Steven, "Man you look like you're about to blow...to kill Steven.... I..."

"Look..." I snap before shaking my head in apology, "He's been keeping on a leash like I'm a damn dog, cause I missed ONE FUCKING day out of the past month. My drinking HAS NOTHING to do with Sixx! I was having problems before we met....and Nikki...I just.... fuck this!" Tom holds me back.

"I get it, and I believe you. And I heard Sixx has been having more problems with Heroin and more bruises, I've seen in passing.... but man as a friend, you HAVE been avoiding Nikki, something is bothering you, many things. I wont push you though I should."

My eyes narrow, "What do you MEAN he's got more bruises? And the Heroin?" I shudder, that feeling of fear and blaming myself....

Tom narrows his eyes back at me and whispers to himself, "Hmm.... i thought so." Before addressing me concerned, "Its ok to be worried, to be afraid. Share what's on your mind before something bad happens." Those words were prophetic and a warning both....

Next thing I know is Steven is standing over me fuming, guess Joey wasn't ENOUGH of a distraction.

"You should get back to work Perry."

"I don't fucking ANSWER TO YOU TYLER!" I SHOUT standing up and shoving Steven back, "you've been on my ass for 2 weeks because I missed one damn day and it has nothing to do with Nikki Sixx, its NOT his fucking fault. You hear me?!"

"Oh, it has everything to do with him, you selfish bastard! I..." That's it!! I deck him knocking him to the ground, holding back tears.... He is looking up at me wide-eyed and PISSED.

"I am NOT A SELFISH BASTARD YOU DICK!! YOU ARE! Something's been bothering me, and YOU are part of the reason why I feel like I can't tell anyone. I need a break, just let me go smoke if THAT'S OK WITH YOU!" Steven bolts upright and decks ME before I am ready for it and that's the only hit, he gets in, before the guys manage to pull us apart and Steven looks guilty and I DO let the tears fall before turning and walking out of the room and I run into....DOC, great the universe just LOVES to fuck with me.

"Sounds like trouble in paradise?" Silky the tone giving me chills and pissing me off even more than I was, "And if I were YOU, I would stay away from Sixx. After all you're trying to be sober right?"

"You son of a bitch, I WARNED you once..." My voice dropping an octave and filled with venom, "YOU stay away from Nikki! He is a person, not an object. You don't think I've seen how you've looked at him?! You fuck with him in any way, and I swear to you I will put you in the hospital if I am feeling generous and I aint."

"Hmm, so you've figured it out huh? You can't prove anything and besides I haven't had to do ANYTHING, you're doing it all on your own Perry." He turns and walks away and that feeling of guilt and fear and an urge to run, I sprint outside to what was 'our' and again since when did I think of it as 'our' spot anyway? And I find the man I have been avoiding Nikki, who is halfway high, eyes wild and fear filled and shaky, covered in more than just track marks but bruises.

"Nikki?" I croak uncertainly, feeling pain radiating in my chest.

"What DO YOU WANT?" He snaps bitterly, "I'm not stupid, you've been avoiding me..." And then his eyes narrow in realization that I am in tears, "What happened?"

"Doc threatened me, and I got into a fight and decked my lead singer." I sit down beside Nikki who hands me a lit cigarette. And for the first time since I've known him, Nikki CRIES.... the sound heart wrenching and before I realize what I am doing.... i find myself holding him as he clings to me with a death grip while muttering, 'I'm sorry.' Over and over.

Fuck the studio....and I will make good on my promise to that fucker, Doc.... but right now.

Nikki pulls back enough to look at me, we've yet to part. "PLEASE Joe...., I beg.... just make ME forget. Doc.... he...he, he hurts me.... when I get......I can't." I got the message and I saw RED. Without realizing, I reach out and touch his face and he flinches but relaxes.

"I'm not going to hurt you......and I will make you forget, you're not the only one Nikki, believe me......I......" To my shock he cuts me off with his lips, my eyes widen before closing and I quickly deepen the kiss, the more I get of him the more I gotta have, I pull him to me and deepen the kiss only parting when the need for air wins out. "What do you say we get the fuck out of here huh?"

Nikki is dazed from what's just happened managing to get out, "Damn.... that's a hell of a lot better than my fantasies."

I chuckle, "Trust me.... i can do MUCH better." Nikki's look goes back to forlorn, lost...hurt, "What do you say we find a hotel? I'll make you forget your own name if you want."

"PLEASE." He begs, "I need it....and.... I want you."

"You've got me." I help him to his feet, and I find I need to FEEL him again, so this time I claim his lips, us effectively making out for a few minutes before we split, taking my car. Nikki riding shot gun, both of us riding on a razor's edge, desperate to FALL, to forget.

A/N: Drama, threats, sparks perhaps? The seeds have been sown and next Joe's steamy dream from the beginning will come true.