Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 81: Christmas Eve with the Perry's Part 2 (Nikki Perry Sixx POV)

At this point in my life, I can say I've had many memorable Christmases. However, the most bitter-sweet and tragic or nearly tragic occurred on December 23, 1987, and that bitter-sweet Christmas of 1993. God, I remember to this day.... how sad Josephine was, how weary.... how scared and how very much like me she was and still is. It killed me then and even thinking of it now how I couldn't fix my oldest daughter's pain, it killed my husband and I both. The point though is we were determined to be there for Josephine no matter what, all that really mattered was that she was back HOME with us, her family. That she was alive. Still Christmas Eve of 93' her trying so hard to put on a happy face to this day again hurts to think of. I would have died and still would for Josephine, Amara and my other children...ALL of them if it would protect them, take away any of their pain, worries and fears. Now, I believe my husband told you we would have special family time and you will as he said, see what happens....

Everyone has gone home, the wrapping paper debris etc. all cleaned and its just my husband and our two daughters, Josephine hanging her head and I hold her to me, I hold Amara close to me too as I feel Joe wrap his arms around me and we all just linger like that and now a thought occurs for family time....

"Joe? Girls? I had some ideas in mind for just us.... i thought, we could all change into comfy clothes, pjs.... a bath for the girls and I was thinking we could look at our photo-album scrap book and then there are two special gifts for two VERY special little girls." I in so many ways and it took me SO long to realize.... Those baths are the best way to calm me down and Josephine is especially so much like me. I thought it would help; BOTH of my daughters have been through so much these past 2 weeks? And the photos.... ALL of them, even the photos where I spent Christmas in the hospital with Joe by my side after my overdose. The good, the bad, ALL of it. And then those special gifts for my daughters, my precious little girls. Their stuffed custom-made teddy bears with Angel wings done in their favorite colors....

"I think that it sounds wonderful Nikki...." Joe looks at me his gaze knowing and loving both before addressing our daughters, "What do you girls think?"

"Pease daddy?" Amara's green eyes shine.

"Um.... daddy? Mommy? Can we stay up late cause Christmas?" Hopeful, unsure and that hint of fear speaking of her dreading sleep...my poor Josephine.

"Ok.... but not TOO late." I state softly and I am worried about Josephine, so I then say, "All that matters is we are together.... we're not alone, we are brave...we are stronger than we know and we no matter what are here for each other....and girls? It doesn't matter what time of day or night it is, if you need me.... need daddy, WE are there. Never forget that and never forget how much you are loved."

Josephine's response is to hug me tighter, still refusing to raise her head which God does that break my heart. But we make our way upstairs, Joe and I switching off with the girls while we change into sleep wear and then we work to get the girls bath started, lavender scent.... lots of bubbles, their sleep wear and adorable bathrobes laid out and we help them bathe and we talk, and Josephine starts to cry......

"Oh Josephine.... babies talk to us; I promise you it will help you even if now it doesn't feel like it." I tell her, trying to hold back my tears. Joe, meanwhile, is keeping his eye on Amara and letting or helping her splash around a bit and I know he's listening as evidenced by the sheen of tears in his eyes.

"M-Mommy.... I.... I.... Why am I still all sad and scared? And...and, I am sorry I haven't thanked you and daddy for trying to help m-me and everything." Josephine stammers as I gently cup her face in my hands, doing my best to dry her tears.

"Honey, it's only been maybe 2 weeks since what happened, happened..." I begin, choked up before continuing, "---It will take time, I know it feels like forever that it will take forever and too, you can be depressed meaning you can still feel sad and scared and still have happy moments sprinkled in and that's OK. What matters is you are here with the US; you're not alone in any of this baby and you are still healing. As for 'thanking' me and daddy, you ARE, you HAVE by still being so sweet with your sister, by your hugs, by just being OUR daughter...being HERE. I love you; we love you so much and I would do ANYTHING to make all the pain go away."

At my words, there are more tears from all of us, but I can see my oldest daughter absorbing my words....

Eventually the bath is finished, and two little girls are cleaned, dried and changed into their Christmas nightgowns and we all head downstairs, somewhere in this the photo album-scrap book was grabbed and we cuddle up on the couch, Josephine and Amara between me and Joe, covered with a blanket and of course Joe and I share a sweet kiss....

A journey of memories.... a picture of Joe and I from what we didn't realize at the time was from our first date, pictures of me in my old stage make-up and out fits, more memories come in my/our journey.... pictures of Joe, and then come the pictures now of when I was in the hospital after my overdose....

"I remember these very well, Nikki.... You are feeling guilty, like my spending Christmas in the hospital. You'd felt like a burden.... All that mattered then and now, is we were TOGETHER. I will always find my way to you, and I wouldn't, couldn't give you up, I couldn't give up until you were in my arms because I learned what it meant to LOVE, to fight for what you want...for the one you love. We learned together; we are still always learning......" And here Josephine looks to me and then to her father as he tells her, "---Josephine, mommy.... You and your sister are the greatest gifts I have ever received. Your heart, your love, your passion, just YOU. We will get thru this and do it together, we are always learning and there is nothing, nothing I love more than being a husband, having a true partner and being a FATHER remember my words."

Amara and Josephine, practically tackle their father as he holds them in his arms....

More pictures follow, hugs....kisses, more memories of the good times, the bad....pictures of my being pregnant with both my daughters, sweet moments....everything and once all the pictures are looked at...Joe and I share a look and I get up from the couch, telling my daughters to close their little eyes and retrieve from behind our tree, their custom made teddy bears with wings....

"Ok open your eyes and see...." They do so and their little eyes widen with awe, "They have your favorite colors, your names on them and I hope that they provide you with comf......" I don't get out any more words, as I blink, and the girls grab and clutch at their respective bears and hug me fiercely and then I see and feel Joe hugging us all. "Merry Christmas..." Softly. Echoes of 'Merry Christmas' echo, along with 'I love you's' and our family bond, our love for one another grows stronger, our hearts beating in time.

I can tell you that Josephine did sleep that night, all night....it was a good and bitter-sweet night for us as a family. and where you next find my precious family and I, is Christmas day....

A/N: Part 2 is done! Next Christmas Day chapters and after those parts a recap from the present as we then will get into 1994.