Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 59: A Perry Christmas Part 4

We've just parted for breath; Nikki's green eyes are sparkling.... his cheeks slightly flushed, a soft smile upon his lips and I have NEVER seen a more beautiful sight, he takes away my breath no lie. and it's been a magical Christmas, it truly, truly has been....

"I can never get over how you look at me Joe." Softly, the blush upon his cheeks deepens and I love the affect I have on my husband, for he does the same for me.

"Ditto. No lie."

Josephine is checked on, still sleeping away looking like a little angel lying there clutching her 'bee-bee'. Nikki tells me to close my eyes, that he has a surprise for me.... he is both eager and nervous both, I tell him I know I will love what he has in store before, I close my eyes and I hear shuffling noises and then....

"Open those eyes Jo-Jo Bear.... i really hope you love this...."

I open my eyes and they go as wide as they can go, and I feel the onset of tears...

"Nikki...." I breathe out, "Its, it's stunning babe." My favorite kind of guitar, done in my favorite colors, one of which matches Nikki's stunning eyes perfectly. "---Babe, I, I love it. I really love it and I love YOU, not just for this."

"I love you too, SO much." Carefully the guitar is placed aside as I pull Nikki to me, to kiss him, NEVER will I get over how it FEELS. After we manage as usual to part for breath, checking on our still sleeping daughter....my husband and I exchange gifts, each one special.... each one from the HEART. There is one, that Nikki held back, and I will tell you that it was HUGE.... for it would be the Diary he kept in the depths of his addiction i.e. from the night we met and that is all I shall give you for now.

For Nikki, I gave him the original paper framed that I wrote Aerosmith's hit song, 'Angel' on, his favorite records, tons of film for his polaroid camera, a new camera for his photography and a new diary. Nikki gazed at me, eyes full of tears, I was in much the same way as he, but too like myself he was touched to his core.

My beloved husband Nikki surprised me with custom guitar picks he designed for me, along with new guitar straps, a new amp, a sketch book full of pictures he'd drawn of me and of US and something that was for both of us, a stunning scrap book filled with pictures of us, pictures of him pregnant with Josephine, pictures of our family.... just filled with love and such precious memories.

And just when I think he was done......he grows nervous, sad.... tears spilling down his cheeks, worrying me as I hold him tightly to me, as he wraps his arms around me.

"Hey, Nikki...I SWEAR to you, that it's gonna be ok......tell me what's wrong so I can make it better Honeybee." I tilted his chin up gently, looking into his eyes.

Nikki exhales shakily, "There's something I wanna share with you.... that I haven't before, I mean.... not in this way. I want you to read my 'Heroin Diaries' as I call it, the diary I kept in the depths of my addiction. I, I.... I've learned to open to you, this.... this, is.... well, I felt it was time.... I..." Nikki stammers and sobs his way thru, gently I run a hand along his cheek, caressing it.

"I hear you babe, and Nikki? the fact, that you love and trust me SO much to share this with me...I am no lie PROUD of you, I know its not easy and I imagine there will be things in there that are beyond fucking painful for you and I love you, I love YOU never forget that, NOTHING and I mean nothing will ever change that."

"THANK YOU." The way my husband says it, I get his true message loud and clear. At some point, we do eat a little something.... also prepping snacks in preparation for Josephine, who soon wakes wailing.... for she had an accident, feeling bad that it was on Christmas, I clean her play pen thoroughly and the floor, while Nikki takes her upstairs, bathing and changing her and before long, he comes back downstairs still trying to soothe Josephine.

"Shh, Josephine its OK. Accidents happen, you're still learning to potty. Its not your fault baby girl."

"Kiss'mas mama!!" Josephine protests.

I join my family, wrapping my arms around them both and helping my husband soothe our daughter....

"Mommy's right little bee, you're not ruining anything baby girl. Nor could you ever, we love you no matter what. Accidents happen, I know its embarrassing or it hurts, but mommy and I are here always to help you thru it."

"Weawwy?" Josephine sniffles.

"Really sweet girl." Softly, and she begins to calm. "Now, we've got your favorite olives and raspberries for you while mommy and I work on Christmas dinner and there will definitely be cocoa later, ok?" Josephine's little eyes, so like my Nikki's eyes glow.

My husband and I are then rewarded with her sweet smile, so much like my smile....

Soon, we all head into the kitchen.... Josephine getting 'kissies' before being placed in her highchair, Nikki runs back for 'bee-bee', whom is thankfully accident free and then we work on dinner together, trading kisses......talking with our daughter, time standing still yet rushing by......

Shortly after dinner is done, Josephine wants to use the potty and this time she makes it and then we all dig into our bountiful feast, me helping Josephine eat...

"Mewwy kiss'mas mama and' daddy! Wuv ew!" Josephine says sweetly after a bite of food.

"Merry Christmas little bee, we love you too so much....so very much." I say softly, feeling my husband gently squeeze my hand.

Our Christmas dinner was the traditional Christmas dinner, but with an Italian twist on everything. we just enjoyed being together, the three of us...truly there was nothing better, than US making new memories and being together. A couple of years from now, it would be a VERY bitter-sweet Christmas especially for my first-born daughter Josephine.... for her kidnapping would come during the holidays and if you happen to have caught it here, her feeling like she was ruining things and that she was supposed to be happy because it was Christmas would come back to my husband and I....it would be hard, it wouldn't be easy, but we got thru it as a family.

Now back to December 25, 1989.... After dinner, Nikki and I washed dishes even Josephine helped in her own way.... really adorable and of course, the promised cocoa was made, and we all ended up curling up together on the couch, under a blanket watching Christmas movies together. Then night fell, so did more snow which a sleepy Josephine had to say goodnight to before going to bed herself and once she was in her little bed asleep, I rushed downstairs for Nikki's 'Heroin Diaries' and upon arriving in our bedroom I found him sitting up in our bed crying and I remember him telling me as I joined him diary in hand, "I want to hold you while you read this, and I don't wanna let go, let YOU go ever." To which I replied, "You can hold me baby because I am gonna hold you and you will NEVER EVER have to let me go, nor will I let you go Nikki. where you go, I can only follow, for I will always find my way to you and find it with you."

A/N: Part 4, filled with precious moments, emotional ones and more. Next is my version of the 'heroin diaries', where Joe will read entries from said diary. Stay tuned!