Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 35: Castle Donnington Festival Part 1(The Start)

As the time for my departure for the festival drew closer, Nikki grew more fearful.... Worried he'd tell me he couldn't keep it together without me. I told him then, "You're stronger than you realize Nikki...God knows I don't wanna go. Know that I'd never truly leave you, you will never be alone." Words that are just as true today.... However, sadly there was Doug's Trial, the drama with Doc mere DAYS before I had to leave with Aerosmith and THAT sure the hell didn't help matters. I made damn sure to protect Nikki as best as I could, that I knew how.... He gave testimonies directly to the judge, sworn statements and justice was swift and brutal for my husband's tormentors. Still the stress of the trial AND my pending departure took its toll on Nikki. He barely talked, maybe a word or two here and there.... I was just there to support him in any way.

The most beautiful and bitter-sweet things of all was seeing Nikki's stomach continue to grow, to accommodate our child, feeling our baby move.... Cuddling, I cherished every moment. Our baby was healthy, stubborn as Nikki said...taking after me, and I loved that.... still do. Where you will find Nikki and I, is in our own world.... On the tarmac, neither of us wanting to let go while my flight hung over us....

Nikki sobbing, clinging to me as best he can.... Face buried in my neck and to tell the truth, I am in much the same state. And my poor Honeybee hasn't spoken a word today....

"God.... Honeybee, don't c-cry.... Baby.... Please. I know it hurts, you've been through so much for so long and especially here lately. You don't have to talk if you don't wanna, but I am gonna worry anyway. You have NOTHING to feel guilty about.... I can see you feel that way.... Hey, Nikki looks at me please?" I beg softly, Nikki hangs his head before I tilt his chin up and he finally speaks, truly speaks for the first in days....

"J-Joe...I.... I.... don't know if I can do this! I mean, I know you're right.... But...still it hurts."

I take a deep breath, "If you say the word, I will stay right here." Deadly serious. "But if I go, know that we're never truly apart and always will I find my way back to you."

"Jo-Jo Bear.... I can't let you do that, I mean...yeah, I'd love you to stay. But I want you to be able to do what you love....my nerves are shot; the baby moves all the time now and everything is that much harder. I love you; I need you to know that. I wanna support you in everything you do, you're my husband....as I am yours. You look at me.... like I am the most beautiful creature you've ever laid eyes on, your look DOES stuff to me." Nikki goes to say more but freezes, alarming me at first but then quickly places my hands on his stomach, tears fill my eyes as I realize. "---Is...is the baby kicking?!" Excited now, laughter through the tears.

I smile, "They are.... Strong baby, kicking a lot."

"I didn't think I would love this so much, but I do."

"I do too Honeybee." The bubble Nikki and I are in, gradually bursts and its time to say goodbye, briefly.... Still, it hurts. I had that feeling in the back of my mind, that refused to go away, and I wish to God I had of been wrong. And yes, the baby would be ok if you're wondering, still it scared the shit out of me.

"I---I.... HATE THIS!" My husband wails.

"I know you do Nikki, so do I.... Remember what I told you? I know how much it hurts to be apart even though it's only temporary, know that I am always with you even when we're apart and I will always find my way back to you. I love you."

"I love you too.... I.... I... really am gonna miss you, Joe."

"I'll miss you too baby, no lie." Softly, tearfully. I kiss him savoring it, committing everything to memory, as if I could ever forget...and then I kiss his stomach, telling our child how much I love and miss them...

Nikki sobs as we part, so do I.... I promise him I will come back to him and call him as soon as I land, call him every day....and that I love him more than my life.

All too soon, I board the plane....it kills me to leave my heart behind and we're on our way. The flight is long and eternal and all I wanna do is call my husband once we land before I do all else.... He and our child came first.

And I call as soon as I reach the hotel room, after talking with/being consoled by my friends/bandmates and I hope that I don't wake Nikki and my heart soars and drops both as he answers and he cries, his voice small which makes me cry.

"Joe...Joe.... I can't sleep. Baby is restless....and...I miss you."

"Oh honeybee.... You need to try and rest if you can, I will help in whatever way I can baby....and I miss you too. Breathe Nikki, honeybee breathe, ok?" I tried and soothed my husband, wishing I was there holding him and could wipe away his tears.

"T-Trying.... I...Just wanna sleep, but...have band stuff and...and..."

"Baby please, I know.... All you need to worry about is resting a lot for you and our baby, that comes first..." I pause a moment, "Would it help if I sang to you?"

"Please."

I sang 'Angel' for Nikki....it was and IS very special to us both....

After I finish singing, Nikki is much calmer than he was and tells me the baby is calm, he yawns hugely.

"Get you some sleep now ok Honeybee? I love you."

"I love you too Jo-Jo bear....so much. Me and the baby both do." We talk a minute more before hanging up.

This feels more like an eternity, a lifetime it feels since I've held my lover in my arms...the feel of him, the scent.... The sight of his swollen stomach, those stunning emerald orbs. There is NO one better than Nikki, he IS and always will be my one.

Still there is that nagging thought back in the corner of my mind, the one I have about Nikki, a bad feeling. A feeling I hope to God, I am wrong about. I truly do, but no matter what I will do all I can to be there in any way and take care of Nikki even if from afar, I swear it.

There's been many times I wish I HADN'T'VE been right and what's coming up is one of them. A frantic phone call, my just having gotten off stage....me scared out of my mind and rushing to be with my husband and unborn child. I remember every moment...every moment seeming to last for an eternity.

There was a bright spot while I was gone.... I came up with something special I wanted to do for Nikki, and really the both of us: a gender reveal/nursery reveal. I would of course run it by my husband but wouldn't do so until once again we were reunited with one another...Nikki in the last place I wanted him to be the hospital.

A/N: A bitter-sweet and tough parting and Joe arriving at the hotel. More to come soon!