Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 80: Christmas Eve with the Perry's Part 1

Christmas Eve 93, it was bittersweet in a lot of ways, but my overall point here is: My oldest daughter was HOME, home with my husband and back then only little sister Amara. Poor Josephine still had and would for a time have her 'bad scary days' as she called them, but she continued to heal and knew then and now she was never alone. She WAS excited for Santa; Amara especially was and really being with ALL our family was just what Josephine needed. I remember well that everyone came early in the afternoon as we didn't want the young ones out after dark and all. I remember that (Thankfully) Mick and Brad arrived with their son Bobby first to help Nikki and I set up and where you will find us all is everyone settled at the table laden down with food after having deposited their gifts....

A table laden with food, surrounded by family.... well, the ones that became family: two bands forever entwined and close to one another. It's like nothing I could ever have imagined, and really, I owe it all to Nikki and the love we share.... I feel that quite strongly. There is laughter, giggles from the children...chaos, LIFE. And I and Nikki and everyone really is watching out for Josephine making sure she is ok as can be though I can tell Josephine IS happy or is trying to be which worries me and a conversation between her and young Bobby Mars who turns 5 in March....and Bobby proves he is indeed the son of the Alien....

"You no have to be happy Josey cause Christmas."

"But Christmas happy time." Josephine protests before sighing sounding far to weary to be so young, "—I know Bobby, that what mommy and daddy tell me. I have missed everyone, and I've smiled...and laughed.... daddy give me his guitar, so happy yet still so sad." Josephine now doing her best not to cry, "I-I thought this would make me feel better."

"Would a hug help? Mommy he always says hugs and love help." God is Bobby such a sweetheart! Still my heart breaks at the pain my daughter is in. Josephine nodded, but the tears she was holding back fell. Bobby gives her a big hug and then Nikki and I do....

Lowly I say to her, "Hey its ok to cry. You don't have to hold back, pretend to be happy with any of us. Especially mommy and I."

"I love you daddy." She sniffs and I wipe her tears.

"I love you too, SO much sweet bee." I told her.

"Josephine? Remember what mommy told you? About me at Christmas time?" Nikki asks.

"Yes mommy."

"I was sad a lot, in pain.... but I had daddy. He stayed right there with me, it wasn't pretty...but still he was there. He didn't give up on me, still hasn't and we won't give up on you. I love you, and baby I am SO proud of you. You've been so brave, remember that." Josephine plasters herself to Nikki before eventually releasing him, only for Amara to get her hugs in and comfort her older sister in her own way.

We eat, we talk....and God are Nikki and I touched when the adults all of them tell their own stories, of hard times.... of pain and I can tell it really resonates with Josephine....

Eventually food is consumed, bathroom breaks for kids and adults alike......everyone cleaning up and we all gather in our living room, the kids present all gathering at our tree. Amara clinging to her older sister and vice versa.... We Nikki and I had discussed therapy for Josephine, well WITH her letting her decide. She of course was still very wary of strangers then and didn't want that, not that ANYONE blamed her, here you will see shortly something she will be gifted will be a HUGE help and slight spoiler it would be from Nikki.

Gifts are handed out, that everyone's brought.... wrapping paper flies, chaos of course. And all the while everyone looking out for Josephine, giving her hugs.... doing their best to comfort her all until Nikki gives Josephine a box and I know exactly what is in it......

"Josephine this is from me, I wanted to do something really special and something I think or hope to really help you." Nikki explained to her.

Josephine opens it and pulls out what would appear to be a book or more accurately, it's a diary and then there's sketch books, pens and pencils and then there is ANOTHER diary, and it is my husband's diary from when he was a kid.

At seeing Josephine's tearful look, Nikki gently and emotionally explains...., "One of these is called a 'diary', its where you write down your thoughts, your fears, your nightmares.... everything. you can doodle, write down anything...things that you can't share with anyone else. If you DO decide to share, go with your gut and share with someone you truly trust. It's really helped me a lot, it DOES help. And then there are things for drawing, to create....to get lost in, to get lost in GOOD ways. And then the other book.... Well, it's a diary I kept when I was a kid. There's a lot of hard stuff, bad stuff but I know exactly how you feel...you are feeling so scared and sad and someday I will share with you the diary I kept when daddy and I were apart, when I was addicted to all those bad drugs. Josephine, I want...no NEED you to know there is no limit on how long it takes to feel better. It's OK to feel sad even during Christmas and that no matter what, you are so loved....so special and you are never alone. The greatest gift THIS Christmas is YOU.... you are being here with us. I am proud to be your mommy, I am proud of you and your sister. You and Amara BOTH are the greatest gifts that daddy has ever given me, the greatest expression of our love. Merry Christmas my precious bee." Nikki is at this point openly weeping, as is Josephine and really NO one isn't moved to tears. Josephine hugged Nikki tightly, Amara joining in and I in turn hugged my love to me.

We are in our own world.... not that anyone can blame us. We are here, all here together and none of us are alone on this Christmas Eve.

It killed me to see my daughter continue to struggle so, it killed Nikki......it killed US to not be able to fix everything, to fix our oldest daughter's pain....to take it all away. Josephine did after Nikki gave her, her own diary and the sketches books plus his old diary quit trying to put on a happy face.... she told me I remember very well, "---Daddy, I wont hide no more even on Christmas. I so glad to have you and mommy and sissy and family. I hate being alone." That line, 'I Hate being alone.' Echoed very much what Nikki has said many times in the past. He and Josephine are very much alike.

More gifts were exchanged, there were games.... There was laughter mixed with tears, there was quiet and all of us rallied, kids and all around my oldest daughter and really our family in turn did the same thing for Nikki and me.

Where you next find the Perry Family is still Christmas Eve, everyone having gone home and special family time with my loves: My beloved husband and our daughters and well you will see....

A/N: Chapter 80 now done! Stay tuned for Part 2!