Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 75: My Heart is An Open Book Part 1(Nikki-Perry Sixx POV)

I thought so many times I was lost when I was in the depths of my addiction to Heroin, lost without my husband Joe aka my Jo-Jo Bear and I was.... HOWEVER, I was much more lost and broken and just the sheer helplessness and fears when Josephine was kidnapped and what she'd been thru/was going thru then. I blamed myself and it took a hell of a long time to let GO on the blame. And too I feared the 'what-if' then of it happening to Amara and I admit I had nightmares about that and my oldest daughter. Poor Josephine though, after her kidnapping she barely if ever slept and she was so quiet and sad...reminding me so much of my past, of myself. I missed her smile, her laugh but God was I glad to her back in my arms I tell you that. And I remember so well Josephine's home coming five days before Christmas in 93', which having her back with our family truly was the greatest gift. It was rough on Josephine still; my heart broke for her.... still so quiet, and her nightmares didn't stop and the night of her homecoming she would have the worst night terror which would lead to me opening about my past, ALL of it in a way I never imagined would happen. Joe too would open and that would lead to a turning point in my oldest daughter's life, her recovery. Where you will find us is we've just arrived home, pulled up and you will see....

Finally, fucking finally my oldest daughter is home (we've just pulled up) and she hasn't spoken a word since we've left the hospital, and I hear sniffles from the back seat...and Amara trying her best to comfort her older sister and too I glance back to see Josephine hanging her head clutching Bee-Bee desperately.

"Honey?" Cautiously, still she doesn't budge, and I look to my husband tears in my eyes, and he too looks back, clutching my hand as I continue, "---Josephine? Baby, we're home now, I promise you it's not a dream. We're here, all of us.... look up."

Reluctantly her eyes meet ours and widen and she looks past us to our house before meeting mine and Joe's gaze and her little voice cracks as she says, "Its.... Its.... really home.... I, I miss home and t-tired so tired mommy." She breaks down and before anyone can blink, I open her side door and scoop her up in my arms. "—But.... I...wanted.... cookies....and pasta! And, and car scare me!" This last line freezes my blood and boils it at the same time as I realize now and KNOW it referring to her car ride from hell with Deana. I realize vaguely, Joe is at my side holding Amara, all of us really as he can in his embrace.

"Hey, hey I can promise you will get those things.... We can do whatever YOU want Josephine. All that matters is that you are here with US." My voice trembles, "I can imagine the car does scare you----"

"M-Mean lady fault! Make it stop!" She cries, clinging to me.

"Remember what I told you? Mean lady is dead and I know it doesn't FEEL like it, cause she haunts your dreams, but I am gonna come in after her in your head. She ain't gonna like it." Joe's voice is a mix of tears, heartbreak, anger where it belongs and most of all the love for Josephine shining through.

"C-Can we go inside now?" Josephine whispers, trembling.

Before either my husband or I can say anything, Amara DOES, "To (Tour) house! An' Jo-Jo wots hugs a kiss!" Amara means of course following through with Josephine's initial ideas and giving her lots of hugs and kisses to make her feel better and I can feel my heart swell with such love and pride for my youngest daughter, for both really. It just goes to show, that Joe and I are raising our daughters right and too our daughters have such a close bond, which I've always wanted for my children.

Eventually we do head inside and give a 'tour' to Josephine, who takes everything in wide-eyed and tearfully, her set on her feet.... alternating holding mine or Joe's hand, the other hand in her little sisters. Downstairs is first then upstairs and when we get to Josephine's bedroom, her eyes widen even further, and we all find a surprise waiting in her bed and her room and oh I recognize the handwriting I tell you that....

"Ollie! Berry!! And My tree! Daddy and mommy! It says, "We really missed you Josephine and' we love you! And oooh a new teddy, it an Aerosmith teddy bear!"

Joe chuckles tearfully, "Tyler, should have known."

"Unka Pink did this daddy?" Josephine asks, having heard him.

"He did, and I know he had help. Josephine this goes to show how much you are loved and missed by us all." Softly now. Josephine runs to us, hugging us fiercely telling us we should thank Uncle Pink, and she is dead on her feet, and I know she's refusing to sleep or will and I know my poor little girl's nightmares will sadly come.

"I've got an idea." I begin quietly, Amara now asleep in my arms & her diaper apparently thankfully still dry. "—Why don't we all cuddle downstairs on the couch and watch Christmas movies or cartoons? And Joe? Maybe Josephine can wear one of your sweatshirts? I know they always made me feel better."

Joe kisses me softly, before the both of us turn to Josephine, "I think that's wonderful Nikki, what do YOU think Sweet bee?"

"Please Daddy, I know every one need sleepy..." Her eyes show fear at the thought of HER sleeping. "—I hear mommy, he always says your sweatshirts are magical."

"I've always said that because its true, they really comforted me at a time of my life when I really needed it." Quietly. Joe quickly leaves and comes back with one of his Boston Sweatshirts, which swallows Josephine, but she says it makes it feel like Joe is hugging her, and she feels safe......

I remember that day all too well, the sweet...the bitter-sweet of Josephine coming home, US all coming home and together. We'd arrived home in the morning, mid-morning I think, and we eventually headed downstairs with Josephine's menagerie in tow, her clad in my husband's sweatshirt and watched cartoons. Her alternating between her father and me, refusing sleep though she did 'doze' here and there. We'd figured it was more important for her to rest, and just wanted Josephine to go at her own pace or go at her own pace, she didn't truly sleep though. And she did have some nightmares thru out the day and evening, she did get her favorite meal and cookies and then came that night, that awful and heart breaking night (same night) she would have the worst night terror, waking up screaming, waking us all up and god, talk about Déjà vu, reminding me SO much of the one I'd had when Joe and I had, had our sex marathon in 86'.....the point here is this: It would lead to me telling her EVERYTHING about my pasts with Deana, with Joe and he too would open up to her. I'd always in the back of my mind planned to tell her one day, well that day came sooner and in a way I'd never imagined. And the other point is, it would lead to a turning point for her, she would finally get some sleep and gradually the nightmares would get better, everything would and well you will see next time.... for that is where we will pick up, being awakened by Josephine's screams, those heart-breaking screams admist her terror....

A/N: Chapter 75 is up at last or will be. Apologies for taking SO long, but I really haven't felt good, in a lot of pain. So, here's hoping that it will get better. In the meantime, there will be part 2 and perhaps part 3 to this as well.