Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 64: My Lover's Heroin Diaries Part 5 (Aftercare/Aftermath)

That night, that fateful Christmas night when I read thru my husband's, 'Heroin Diaries'.... was one of the hardest and longest nights Nikki and I had been through since his overdose 2 years prior around Christmas of 87'. It killed me, KILLED me to read thru what Nikki had been thru, the stuff I didn't know about.... but we weren't alone, we had each OTHER. Nikki wanted me to know EVERYTHING, he trusted me....and I was and am so fucking proud of him for having done so. But ah yes, our relationship.... Our love would only strengthen even more this night and we had the support of our family, we had them then and now. Still, that night, once I'd finished reading and Nikki and I had shared a kiss before, albeit reluctantly deciding as physically and mentally exhausted as we both were to try and sleep though we knew better.

And sure enough, we both only slept an hour.... maybe 2, and we only were somewhat aware it was still dark never mind the hour. I had a nightmare, a bad one....i woke up screaming Nikki's name, screaming and crying for I'd had a nightmare about him dying and my not being able to save him....Nikki too had a bad dream, I didn't wake him up.....for he was in the throes of his own nightmare and as scared shitless as I was, I only held him tighter until he too woke up screaming my name, both of us so lost...so hurt, and we needed each other so like that night, we'd first slept together....i just held him in the shower for a bit, the both of us calming and clinging to one another and both of us thanking god, we still had each other. the both of us doing whatever we could to comfort and care for the other and at long last, we managed to go back to sleep and upon waking, we still needed more sleep, but we'd hear from the sweetest little angel, our daughter Josephine aka Mick and Co checking up on us. It meant so much and if you're wondering Mick and Brad were in the Boston area visiting Brad's parents but anyway on with the show....

Nikki and I have both just woken, I think its nearing 12pm and we've hardly slept...nightmares and so much on our minds....we're awake now, the phone ringing and I sit up, Nikki leaning against me as I hold him and together we hear the sweetest little voice in the world, bringing on the tears....the murmur of Mick's and Brad's, and their sons voice in the background.

"Hey mama and' daddy! Miss ew!"

I sniffle, "We miss you too Josephine....so much." I choke out, "Did Uncle Mick help you call, to check on us?"

"Wes...why swad (sad) an' cwy? I no make swad wight?" Josephine starts crying and before I can say anything, Nikki does.

"Baby, oh baby girl.... you could NEVER make us sad; I promise. We're...daddy and I are sad and crying, because well mommy shared something with daddy that hurts a lot, I just needed him to know everything that's ever-hurt mommy. But please sweetheart don't cry, ok? That makes daddy and I cry.... we love you so much never forget that." Nikki cries.

Mick murmurs something and then Josephine says, "Unka Micky Tay' (say) 'gone up' (grown up)?" Sounding so sad, breaking both mine and Nikki's heart.

"Yeah, little bee, Uncle Mick wanted mommy and I to have time together, grown up time cause we're family and we always take care of each other. Mommy and I miss you so much sweetheart and we love you.... we love hearing your little voice, you are helping sweetheart, no lie."

"Tay' (ok) daddy an' mama.... hug an' kiss hep?"

"We'd love that...." Nikki chokes out and then we hear her make 'kissy' noises through the phone and she says in her way that she's hugging us both.

"Dere' (there) lotsa kissy an' hug! I hungwy.... i wuv ew daddy and mommy."

"We love you too baby girl, now get something to eat....be good for Brad and Mick and know that we love and miss you so much, ok?" I told her.

"Ok daddy.... bye-bye!" And then the line dies, and I sob, my head in my hands.... Nikki holding me tightly for dear life.

We stay like this for some time, before carefully we dry one another's tears, eat a little something and then back in bed, holding one another.... our legs entwined, but the tears come again.

"Oh Joe...Joe, that was.... bitter-sweet....and sweet, she's....so worried, but God Mick was right, she's so smart, she understands. Still, it broke my fuckin' heart that she blamed herself for making US sad, she takes after me so much." Nikki whispers.

"Oh god, Honeybee I know. I couldn't help but break down, neither of us could help it. She loves us SO much, she's.... She reminds me so much of you and I no lie love that. She helps and helps us more than we realize....and I love her so much, she's a dream come true because of YOU. And I love you so much, let's get us some more sleep."

Nikki and I trade some kisses, murmuring to each other our love for one another and eventually we fall asleep and I find myself waking up yet again, and I feel its evening now and I panic for a moment when I don't see Nikki lying beside me but I calm as I read the note he left me, telling me how much he loves me and that he has a surprise for me and I can't help but smile at that and a moment later, I look up and I see HIM, my Honeybee....my everything and I quit breathing a moment....

"Hey babe, I take it you got my note judging by your smile. Close your eyes for me, and I'll help you out of bed, ok?"

"Ok babe, but first......" I blink, and Nikki fairly attacks my lips, my hands wander, and I quickly take over, not that he complains in the least. We part for breath and oh I know that look Nikki is giving me now, and oh how I look FORWARD to what comes later......Nikki's look softens, turning tender before I close my eyes, him helping me out of bed and leading me and sitting me down? And then I realize, feeling the onset of tears that Nikki has cooked and it smells divine....i at last open my eyes and they widen as I take everything in: I am sitting on a large blanket on the ground, before me lies the food in take out containers and my husband soon joins me, as I wrap an arm around his waist, him leaning against me.

"I wanted to do something special Joe, for you and really for us. So, an indoor picnic if you will. I made the same stuff you made for that picnic at that beach spot I showed you, when I was pregnant with our daughter." Nikki explains softly.

"Nikki this....is perfect. THANK YOU for all you do and thank you for being YOU." I state in just as soft a tone.

"I could argue the same for you Jo-Jo Bear, I love you."

"I love you too Honeybee so much."

We are not alone, we are TOGETHER. Always we both will carry trauma, the pain of the past.... but we have each other, we have our daughter, and we have our family and so it will always be......

A/N: Part 5, a little TLC....and more. Next chapter, will see a time skip of sorts a retrospective on what happens circa 1990 and 1991 in this story before we dive into 1992, drawing closer and closer to Deana's eventual return in 1993.