Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 83: A Rock & Roll Christmas Part 2

A bitter-sweet Christmas.... but right now? All that matters is my family, MY family that I have wanted for so many years and never thought I would get to have. I never thought I would be here, be alive but I AM. And that beautiful, bitter-sweet letter and drawing Josephine did is very much on my mind and I KNOW I will always, always carry it in my heart.......Right now, we're downstairs before our tree....or rather my daughters I share with Nikki are, running towards it...Both smiling laughing and in this moment so happy, it takes away my breath as they sit before it and I find tears springing to my eyes....and a gentle touch to my face, as I close my eyes savoring....

"I know I feel that way too......I love this, having a family.... OUR family and we're all together for Christmas.... it's so beautiful, and I never thought we'd be parents or be good parents, but we are amazing, the proof of that is in those precious little girls of ours. They love us....and God do I love them." I hold Nikki's hand to my face.

"There is no one I'd rather have at my side, raising our children.... being with me, then YOU Nikki, Nikki, I love you." Emotional, as Nikki claims my lips and I savor it, oh do I savor.... we part and face our precious daughters, Josephine and Amara who share the same eyes as my Honeybee....

"Peasant's daddy! Huwwy!" Amara gestures excitedly with her precious little hands, my precious twin save for the eyes....

I laugh, "Ok. Ok." And I grow concerned that Josephine is silent, though I sadly understand why and Amara notices, we all do.... but before I can say anything Nikki does, as we join our daughters on the floor hugging them to us.

"Josephine? What's......" Nikki shakes his head as I can tell he realizes, "Hey look at mommy, please...." She raises her head, tears in her little eyes. "You feel you don't deserve all this, like the gifts.... that you don't feel worthy of such love, such kindness and I am here to tell you: YOU DO. You deserve everything and more. Daddy and I, all of us will keep reminding you how much you are loved, how special and how strong and brave you are." Josephine cries, hell I AM...we all are, as Josephine gets so many hugs until she calms enough to speak.

"Thank you, mommy....it really hard, and I love you."

"I love you too. SO much and I know it is." Nikki replies squeezing her. Josephine turns to me....

"Daddy? You feel like that too?"

I sigh, "yes, I do.... I HAVE. For a lifetime before I met mommy, I was abused.... physically, mentally....and I stayed messed up on drugs and booze and I can't believe that I thought, I didn't deserve all this......a loving actual partner, children.... I'd been so lost, didn't know the signs.... but mommy? I fell for him and didn't know it; I learned and am always learning."

"I heard you say, you feel like not know what doing." Josephine points out, "That's what mommy said in story."

"That's true.... like my head was in the way, my heart though KNEW." I answer.

My heart knew before I did.... indeed. And I didn't think I'd make any kind of husband, yet here I AM. This to me is my first true time, that I feel it COUNTS. That I have earned that title, that I FEEL it. And being a father.... I'd never imagined this, that I would love it, that I'd be any kind of father. My girls, my girls looking to me and to Nikki...like we're their heroes, God does it take away my breath....

Nikki and I share a kiss, the girls then getting their 'kissies' in and we dig into our presents or rather theirs first. Amara gets stuffed animals, Disney tapes.... she loves Disney, all kinds of toys and clothes.... yes clothes, but not just any.... things that Nikki made such as: A custom baby sized band jacket or jackets of both our bands, Josephine gets a matching one.

There is laughter, there is tears.... there is a mess, a beautiful mess as wrapping paper flies and then comes Josephine's gifts or other gifts: a framed portrait of her playing in the snow as a baby, a winter wonderland scene Nikki painted and I know instantly it's the property we've rented several times in Boston, there are sketches books, paint materials, music stuff and a box of custom chocolates.....Raspberries covered with Chocolate and this gets Nikki and I many hugs, and excited laughter from Josephine and it warms mine and my husband's heart, Amara too joins in the excitement.

"Santa Magic Daddy & Mommy!" she exclaims.

"Santa IS magic." I agree winking and grinning at Nikki.

To my surprise she leans and whispers to me, "Thank you daddy."

"Your welcome sweetheart." I whisper back.

Nikki and I do end up exchanging gifts, and the joy and the love in his eyes.... our children's eyes, makes it all worth it.... more than. Eventually we do get up off the floor, Josephine insisting on helping us clean up and we don't fight her.... long that is. Soon everything is clean and or put away and organized, potty breaks for everyone and we all drift into the kitchen and I hold my daughters in my arms, smiling at them and Nikki looks on looking so damned beautiful and happy as I say......

"Now I do believe snow-flake pancakes were promised for Christmas Breakfast this morning, so how would two of the most special little girls like to be helpers?"

"I hep daddy!" Amara leans her head against my shoulder.

"Really daddy?!" Josephine asks eagerly.

"Always." Softly and I share a look with Nikki, "There is no where I would rather be than here with my family, the greatest and best Christmas gifts ever."

There was a huge mess made, but all of us had so much fun. It was just what Josephine especially needed, really what we all did. Breakfast did get made and consumed, all of us talking with one another......just being together, I remember still all these years later every moment. After breakfast, cleaning the kitchen came.... baths for two very messy little girls and then speaking of my precious oldest girls, they ended up falling asleep once back downstairs taking naps as a Christmas movie played on tv and Nikki and I ended up joining them, all of us together and God was I SO glad and as I have said there was no where I'd rather be than with my family.......

After napping, well we discovered Josephine was missing.... causing Nikki and I to panic that is until we calmed down as we realized EXACTLY where she was, in our studio with her guitar (formerly mine), playing....and in tears and I remember her saying as she looked at us (Amara was with us by the way), "I S-sorry make worry mommy and daddy, I needed safe space. You always say music can h-help."

"We were worried yes, but honey mommy and I MORE than understand. You don't need to apologize. Everyone needs time to themselves and yes music can help, and you can come here anytime you want, you need to." I told her.

She would take that to heart for awhile especially, she was still healing, and I can tell you she would be ok in time, she would get there and Nikki, myself, Amara and our whole family would be behind her every step of the way.

Where you next find our precious family, is together fixing Christmas dinner and as always, you will see.

A/N: Part 2 is done, next will be part three and then we will get into 1994, so lots to come!