Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 36: Castle Donnington Festival Part 2 (On My Way)

By all accounts, outwardly at least.... The festival was a success, very lucrative. It was a success in that regard. But overall? Of course, as you know: NIKKI. My every thought was of Nikki and our unborn child, I worried.... god, did I worry and that nagging thought/feeling in the back of my head only grew. I was always on edge, and Nikki when I talked to him while I was gone was so sad, and trying so hard not to let it show just how much he was struggling without me there, though I could HEAR and feel it from him and it all came to a head so to speak on my 3rd day with the band and the 2nd day of Aerosmith headlining the festival at Donnington, and just before I went on stage I would get the worst phone call....

My nerves are on edge, they have been but today it's been particularly bad, and the band is due to be on stage soon......

"Joe?" Brad asks, concerned and drawing all eyes i.e. Steven, Tom, and Joey on me and effectively breaking me out of my fog, "Talk to us man, we all can see you're not ok."

I sigh heavily, trying to hold back my tears, "No I'm not ok. I'm worried about Nikki; I know he's trying to keep busy to try and take his mind off me not being there because I know how much it hurts him to be alone, like without me.... but I got this bad feeling......"

Before I can say more, our manager comes rushing in and I immediately jump to my feet, though I barely manage to keep upright.... consumed by my fears being realized....

"You've got a call from Tommy Lee...its Nikki."

"No...." I breathe out.

Steven speaks up quickly, "Perry gets your ass on a plane and go be with your husband, he needs you...."

"I'll play all the leads...GO NOW!" Brad says urging me, I manage to choke out a quick 'thank you' and I sprint after my manager and make it to the phone, crying and answering breathlessly...I'd never been more grateful. More moved by what they did for me that day and after they performed, they were right behind me on a plane bound for LA. 

"T-Tommy?! What's...wrong with Nikki?! Is...is...he gonna be, ok? Is the baby.... ok? I-I can't lose them!"

"Breathe dude.... breathe..." Tommy attempts to console me before sighing heavily, "Nikki's been really fucking stressed and sad, he's been trying to work and distract himself, got in his head bad....he really missed you....and he freaked out, he'd started having cramps in the middle of an interview, they asked him questions about those bastards and so we took him to the hospital.....the baby was in distress, but they are ok....calmed now, they gave Nikki something safe for him and the baby, to make him sleep....still dude fucking worried."

"Oh god...Oh god..." I exhale shakily, "Tell him I am coming, NOW.... i am on my way.... I just...so worried I'll lose him...."

"You won't.... I promise man. I'll tell him when he wakes, he was worried you'd be angry at him, I told him there was no way in hell...he cried for you. Hurry man." With that Tommy hangs up and I try and pull it together long enough to run back to the hotel, pack my shit.... find a flight and once on the plane, I break down....

I should have been there for him! This...this is MY fault; I feel like it is.... really fucking guilty, consumed by it.... i wish to GOD I hadn't have been right with that bad feeling. And Tommy telling me what he did, about how bad Nikki got into his head with me gone...and if I get ahold of whoever did that interview, I hope someone has mercy on them because I WONT....

My thoughts are everywhere....it hurts.... This all hurts. I am scared shitless, that I will lose Nikki...lose our baby. I can't...lose him again, I can't. sadly, I do know just how Nikki feels.... lost, lonely.... not whole without his other half: Me. We lose it and go to darker places when not together......Ok, OK...Tommy DID say the baby was ok, that they'd calmed.... but still, we're all worried.... can't help that, only natural....

And thinking about it now, well my poor husband hasn't truly rested like he needs to. I mean there was that period of a few weeks after Doug had been gotten rid of, but it wasn't ENOUGH. I feel like I put my band above Nikki, I'd offered to stay...I should have, but Nikki....my dear honeybee, he told me he wanted me to do what I love. He meant what he said I know that.... I know that....

The flight is VERY long, and really to me lasts an eternity. I managed to doze here and there, yet not really get any true sleep. My thoughts, every ounce of my love.... was going to Nikki, and too I urged the plane to go faster.......as if I could speed it up by my will alone....

Once I land, I fly down the steps of the plane.... sprint to the nearest phone to see if I can get to Nikki in person to tell him I am coming....and I wait anxiously and am connected. IF you are wondering, Tommy Lee did at some point tell me exactly which hospital Nikki was at....

"Hi, I'm Anthony Joseph Perry...my husband, Nikki Perry Sixx is there. I need to know, if he is ok...if our baby is and I want him to know I'm coming..." Quickly and tearfully once someone answers me.

The nurse quickly tells me Nikki is awake now, crying out for me.... he'd had a nightmare and I ask if its safe for him to talk to me if it will help him....and after an eternity I hear his tearful and sorrowful voice....

"Joe.... Joe....is that really you? I...I am SORRY! I know.... you're angry.... you should be.... I...I..."

"Nikki listens to me NOW." Firmly before I soften my tone, "Its me Honeybee no lie. I am NOT angry at you, nor could I EVER be. What I need you to do for me is calm down and breathe, for you and our baby...please Nikki, I know baby how scared you are, and you need me.... i am on my way, I am on my way.... Cause I love you baby, I love you."

"But I...."

"Nikki, baby you have nothing to feel guilty about. I wouldn't lie to you.... I left because you needed me, I told you I would always find my way to you. If anything, this is MY fault, I didn't feel right leaving and I wasn't here for you like I wanted to be. You're scared, and so am I....so damn scared to lose you all over again, to lose our baby, but all that matters is that I am coming.... that I love you and I am always learning, putting you first."

"Ok.... Ok.... I love you and.... need you, Joe. Baby I need you bad." Nikki is calmer than he was, and gradually he's calmed enough to tell me the baby is ok, they'd gotten frantic again and then on the heels of that we hang up and I grab a taxi, hauling my crap in one move to the hospital. My heart breaking for my husband.... trying to breathe, I can't relax until I see him.... till I see him.

I arrive at the hospital, frantically asking what room Nikki is in and fuck the elevator right now, as I RUN up the stairs not stopping until I enter Nikki's room, dropping my stuff as he looks at me, eyes wide and tear-filled...and it don't matter that I am breathless...

"Honeybee, I am HERE.... I am here, ok? I promise, I ain't going anywhere...I am here." I cry, rushing to my husband's side as I take him carefully in my arms, never wanting to let go....

A/N: things will get better for Nikki in time. He and Joe are reunited once again.... stay tuned for the next chapter!