Might as Well Face it, You're Addicted to Love (Joe Perry/Nikki Sixx)

Chapter 29: A Jo-Jo Bear Cares for his Honeybee

Chaos, Music, and most of all...most importantly LOVE all take different forms and when it comes to Nikki all forms to me and for me are beautiful and that was especially true when he told me for the first time that I was gonna be a father. It was terrifying for Nikki especially at first or rather for a while due to our dark pasts, but Nikki gave me the greatest gift besides his heart...a child, a child of OUR own and the greatest expression of our love....

It didn't matter then, and it don't matter now.... how tired I was, what I had going on.... Nikki, taking care of him.... of our children came first. Of course, back then he and I were still learning, always learning things about being a couple and especially to take care or take time for ourselves when we needed to....

Nikki and I have yet to drop our gazes, eyes locked on one another.... I've just found out I am gonna be a father, something I never EVER thought I would have. The feel of Nikki's hand and my hand over his little rounded stomach...this moment, US like this I will never forget...tears in our eyes that is until Nikki pales again, eyes becoming unfocused.... groaning and immediately I become concerned or rather worried once again, but I still comfort Nikki....

"Hey...I know it sucks but you are gonna be ok. Close your eyes and breathe Honeybee, I gotcha." I pull my lover carefully to me, holding him in my arms...Nikki resting his head in the crook of my neck, breathing in and out. "—Nikki..." I resume talking hoping it helps calm him and somehow a little better just hearing my voice, "—You really don't know how much it means to me, that it's YOU carrying our child. "I sigh heavily voice husky from tears, "Elyssa especially used to fuck with me, telling me I don't know how many times she was pregnant or wanted a baby...only to use it to break me time and again and as much as I fucking hate her and still do.... I wanted a child, hoping they would love me. it wasn't meant to be with her, I am so damn glad it wasn't. I was too damn fucked up on drugs too, but I believe I would have gotten sober. Our baby, that WE created together is a gift, YOU are a gift, Nikki."

Nikki gradually stops trembling and calms, me still holding him in my arms and at last he speaks, looking at me with a mixture of emotions ranging from awe, hope, sadness/pain, and love. He slowly reaches out his hand and caresses my cheek, which I hold to my face still looking pale. "Joe...Joe, I can SEE how hard that was for you to tell me about HER..." Nikki practically snarls on the last bit before again calming, "—I hate that she did that to you, you didn't deserve that. And I would argue that YOU are the gift, mine."

"I love you." I whisper unable for the moment to say more.

"I love you too." Nikki pales more, breaking away from me to vomit in the toilet as I hold his hair back, my poor Nikki my honeybee is once again in tears...sobbing and its so damn heartbreaking. Finally, after a bit, Nikki stops sobbing and making sure he's ok enough, I carefully scoop him up...holding him, helping him rinse his mouth out and he refuses to look at me, shamed that is until he looks at me looking so lost and worried. "---You.... you look SO tired.... god.... god, I am sorry...and..." Nikki is working himself up.

I hold him to me, rubbing his back gently....

"Hey.... Hey. it doesn't fuckin' matter how tired I am. You need me, and I wanna take care of you...that's it." I am dead on my feet, but Nikki is FAR more important to me. "Let's get you a shower, if you feel ok enough and see about getting some food in you...I..."

Nikki cuts me off panicking, "NO! Don't leave...."

"Nikki baby, I ain't truly leaving. I will always come back to you..." I think a moment before remembering what Mick told me, "---Mars said to let him and Brad know if we needed anything, maybe if you want, I can call them and stay here with you."

He freezes stunned and practically whispers, "I don't know.... I'd have to tell them about the baby....its...it's a lot."

"I know it is, and I know you're scared. I can promise you, they and the guys...no one will hate you and I'd never if you are wondering stop you from doing what you love Nikki, but you need rest and to try and take it easy as you can for the baby....and to tell the truth, I believe your guitarist highly suspects what is going on, he's worried and wants to help baby."

Nikki manages a nod in acceptance, wanting me to hold him...refusing to let me go, as if I'd ever let him go....with my lover in my hold, I call Mars and Nikki quietly tells me he what he needs and is craving, which includes the things to make the bruschetta and pomodoro pasta I'd made for him...him tearfully telling me, how special it was to him. Nikki though scared, tells me to tell Mick...that we're expecting and to let the band know, Mick promises to do so...not surprised by the news, happy for us...he and Brad both.

Once that's done, Nikki quietly tells me he wants to take a shower and that he feels 'gross' or 'fucking gross' as he tells me before bursting into tears, wailing about him being a terrible person and a shitty parent and I let him know he's not terrible, that its more than ok to feel the way he feels with him laying down a moment, I gather some sweats and one of his favorite sweat shirts of mine and towels, placing them quickly in the bathroom before carrying my lover in my arms, and helping him get undressed and he again refuses to look at me, voice small....

"Do I look good.... attractive to you still?" I place my hands on his small, rounded stomach caressing it, speaking lowly and that causes Nikki to look at me eyes wide...

"To me you've always looked like an angel, my fallen angel....my honeybee. For the record, you've always looked STUNNING to me...but baby, now you are even more so. You're glowing Nikki, no fucking lie." Nikki's hands join mine.

"Jo-Jo Bear..." The way he says those words, says it all to me.... I get the shower started, but before I do I get on my knees kissing the raised flesh where our child is growing and Nikki, running his fingers through my hair and I give his stomach kisses, the three of us in our own world, together.

I did help Nikki with a shower that night, also managing to bath myself. Mick and Brad went all out...and then some, and passed along the word to Vince Neil, Tommy Lee and Steven whom all called for Nikki to rest and gave their sincere congratulations. It touched Nikki and me how much they cared; how happy they were.... Brad and Mick tried to force me to rest, and I told them Nikki was more important and they dropped it rather reluctantly. I still had to learn to take care of myself to take care of Nikki and our unborn child....my then lover and I both did. And it was hard to get Nikki to slow down....and as I have said, he would learn in time.... regardless of what state I may have been in, Nikki my beloved honeybee and our child came first.

A/N: Joe caring for Nikki, friends to the rescue and a taste of things to come! Stay tuned for more!