Kpop Sickfics & Hurtfics

Anchored by You (Bang Chan)

The rain outside mirrored the heaviness in Bang Chan's chest, droplets streaking down the window like the tears he hadn't yet cried. His dorm room was dark, the curtains drawn, and the only light in the room was from his laptop screen, casting an eerie glow on his face. His fingers hovered over the keyboard, but he hadn't written a single word. His mind was empty, yet somehow overwhelmingly loud at the same time.

A soft knock on the door startled him, but he didn't answer. He couldn't. He didn't have the energy to pretend anymore, to plaster a smile on his face and tell his members he was okay. He hadn't been okay for a long time, but he didn't know how to tell them. They looked up to him, depended on him to be strong. What would happen if they saw how weak he had become?

"Hyung?" It was Lee Know's voice, cautious but persistent. The door opened a crack, and Lee Know poked his head inside. "We're going to practice... You coming?"

Chan shook his head slightly, not trusting his voice to respond. Lee Know stared at him for a moment, his sharp eyes softening in concern. He knew Chan wasn't himself lately. They all knew. But they didn't know the depths of it.

"Okay," Lee Know said quietly, closing the door again.

The silence that followed felt suffocating. Chan leaned back in his chair, eyes closing as he fought against the weight in his chest. He hadn't slept more than two hours a night for the past week, and his body felt like it was shutting down. He was exhausted, but every time he tried to rest, his mind raced with thoughts—thoughts of failure, of disappointment, of being a burden.

He couldn't shake the guilt that clung to him like a second skin. He was supposed to be the leader, the one who held everyone together. But now, it felt like he was the one pulling them down.

His phone buzzed on the desk, and he glanced at it, heart sinking further. Messages from JYP, reminders of deadlines, schedules that felt impossible to meet. He hadn't written anything new in weeks, and every day felt like another failure. Slowly, the despair crept back in, the thoughts he had tried to bury resurfacing.

Maybe they'd be better off without me. I'm just dragging them down.

He gripped the edge of the desk, his knuckles turning white as he struggled against the urge to scream. He was tired of fighting, tired of trying to keep up appearances. He couldn't do it anymore.

Across the dorm, the rest of the members gathered in the living room, their usual banter subdued. They exchanged worried glances, their concern for Chan growing each day.

"He's not getting better," Seungmin said quietly, his eyes fixed on the floor.

"I've never seen him like this before," Changbin muttered, his voice low with worry. "He's always the one keeping us going, but now... I don't know what to do."

Hyunjin, usually the one to bring levity to any situation, was unusually quiet, his lips pressed together in a thin line. Felix sat beside him, fidgeting with the edge of his hoodie, his face etched with worry.

"Maybe he just needs some space," Jeongin offered hesitantly, though even he didn't sound convinced.

"We've given him space," Han said, pacing the room. "But it's not helping. He's not himself anymore. We need to do something."

"I tried talking to him earlier," Lee Know added, his arms crossed over his chest. "But he just shut me out."

Felix looked up, his brow furrowed. "I've been thinking... What if he feels like he can't talk to us? Like he has to carry everything alone?"

The room fell silent, the weight of Felix's words settling over them. They had always looked to Chan as their rock, the one who was unshakeable. But maybe, in their reliance on him, they had forgotten that he needed support too.