Kpop Sickfics & Hurtfics

When the Lights Go Dim (Seungkwan)

The lights on stage always seemed to burn brightest when Seungkwan was at his lowest. After every performance, he would bow, wave, smile at the fans, and then the moment he was backstage, the weight would return. It felt like the world had lost its color, a dull haze settling over everything. He had always been the type to find joy in the little moments—his members' laughter, the warmth of a meal shared with friends—but now it was as if the light that fueled him had been snuffed out.

Moonbin was gone. And Seungkwan didn't know how to live in a world where his friend wasn't there.

At first, Seungkwan had been numb, too shocked to fully comprehend it. He had received the news while on a break, sitting in his room and scrolling through social media when the headlines started pouring in. His chest had tightened, the world spinning as his eyes tried to process the words on the screen: Moonbin, beloved idol.

He had sat there for what felt like hours, his phone still clutched in his hands, as if by sheer force of will he could undo what he had just read. But reality didn't bend to willpower, and the cold, hard truth settled deep in his bones.

Moonbin was gone.

Seungkwan had tried to put on a brave face, for the public and for his members. After all, they had schedules to keep, performances to attend, and fans to entertain. He didn't want to burden the others with his grief. They had their own struggles, their own lives to manage. But no matter how hard he tried, the cracks were beginning to show.

It started with small things. Seungkwan would forget to eat, pushing his meals around on the plate, forcing himself to take a few bites before giving up. He would shower in silence, standing under the water for far too long, letting the heat scald his skin because it was the only thing that reminded him he was still alive. His usual chatter, the banter with his members that once filled their dorm with laughter, became sparse. He withdrew, pulling away from the others, spending more time alone in his room.

Seungcheol, always the observant leader, was the first to notice. He didn't say anything at first, just watched as Seungkwan grew quieter, more distant. But eventually, when Seungkwan skipped yet another meal, Seungcheol couldn't keep quiet any longer.

"Seungkwan," he said softly, approaching him in the dorm's kitchen one evening. The younger boy was sitting at the table, staring blankly at a half-eaten bowl of rice. "You haven't been eating."

Seungkwan blinked, as if he had just realized where he was. He glanced down at the food, then back up at Seungcheol, his expression unreadable. "I'm not hungry."

Seungcheol frowned, pulling out a chair and sitting across from him. "You've been saying that a lot lately."

"I'm fine, hyung. Really," Seungkwan muttered, but there was no conviction in his voice. His eyes were dull, the sparkle that used to dance in them long gone.

Seungcheol sighed, reaching out to place a hand on Seungkwan's arm. "I know you're not fine. You don't have to be."

Seungkwan's jaw tightened, and he shook his head, pulling his arm away. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Seungkwan—"

"I said I don't want to talk about it, hyung." His voice broke, a crack that betrayed the flood of emotions he had been trying so hard to keep at bay. Seungkwan stood abruptly, pushing the chair back with more force than necessary. "I just... I just need to be alone."

He left the kitchen without another word, leaving Seungcheol staring at the abandoned bowl of rice.

Over the next few days, Seungkwan's withdrawal became more noticeable to the rest of the group. Jeonghan, ever the nurturing figure among them, would knock on Seungkwan's door every morning, coaxing him out of bed and gently reminding him to take care of himself.