Devotion||h.s / NOT FINISHED / inactive

Chapter 74

Harry's phone goes off and wakes both of us up. My head is on his chest and my leg is on top of his. Harry's other arm is wrapped around my waist.
Harry groans and moves his hand around searching for his phone. When he finally finds it he puts it on his ear and wraps his arm back around me.

"What?" He groans with his eyes still closed.

"Um Its 2:30, where are you?"

I hear Louis voice through the phone and my eyes widen.

"What the fuck do you" harry snaps but I interrupt him by swatting his chest.

Harry looks over at me and gives me the 'what the hell' look

"soccer practice" I mouth at him.

Harrys eyes widen slightly as he mumbles "shit" under his breath.

"Hello?" says Louis clearly annoyed through the phone.

"Yeah yeah I'm on my way calm down" assures Harry and thinks for a second

"just warm up ill be there in a second" he says quickly and hangs up. Harry jumps out of bed and grabs his clothes..

I watch him carefully

"Hey thanks" says Harry and looks at me while throwing stuff in his bag

I smile and stretch a little bit

"Yeah of course"

Harry smiles back

"I would of never heard the end of it if he found out I forgot about practice."

I giggle lightly

"Well don't worry. It just sounded like you were running late." I say as I sit up and run my fingers through my hair.

Harry just smiles at me.

"Anyways ill see you soon" he says and throws his bag over his shoulder about to start walking

"Wait" I yell and he looks at me with his full attention

"Im meeting Emily at the park today."

Harry narrows his eyebrows

"How are you going to do that?" he asks

"Don't worry she thinks I'm at Lizzies house just like everyone else does. I'll tell her Lizzie lives close and I just walked from there it will be fine. Plus I don't plan on staying long."

"Okay" says Harry and smiles slightly "I trust you"

I smile sincerely

"Well good" I pause and we smile at each other

"Now hurry up your late." I yell playfully

"Right" says Harry as he quickly walks towards the door. But before leaving he stops in the door frame, turns around, walks back over to me, and kisses me quickly.

"Bye" he smirks and tilts my chin up with his finger so that our eyes meet

"Bye Harry" I smile and Harry glides his finger over the side of my cheek. Harry quickly gives me a small kiss on my nose then runs out of the room.

I'm left there just smiling down at the bed thinking about how much I love this boy.

I lay back down only for a few seconds before I feel a buzzing in my back pocket.
It's Emily

"Hey Em" I smile as I answer the phone

"Hey Ali" she says back cheerfully

"Hey what's up? Are you almost at the park?"

"Yeah I'll be there in like 20 minutes, it's the one kind of by your school right?"

"Yep" I reply

"Okay well I'll see you soon then?" She asks

"Yeah definitely"

"Okay bye"

"Bye" I say as I hang up the phone.
Okay here goes nothing. I'm really hoping this goes well.
I slowly get out of Harry's bed and start to freshen up a little.
I'm really happy that I wasn't planning on telling Emily the truth..as of today. If I still had been planning to tell her everything I would have felt horribly guilty after Harry said he trusted me, but now I believe it and feel like he's right. He can trust me, and I know I can trust him too. Yeah I know I told Kendall and Lizzie but I had to, Kendall's my sister and Lizzie is a part of this, to which she hates apparently.
I really hope that this whole thing doesn't end horrible. There's no way it's going to end perfect but if there's no suicides or lives being ruined that's good enough for me.

Honestly In the beginning I was dreading having to spend all this time with Harry, I didn't know what to do, or what was going to happen. I didn't even know if he was even going to talk to me. I stayed here so I could watch over him, because Harry didn't want me calling anyone and frankly neither did I. I didn't want to believe that it was actually happening, or that I was involved. I had no idea what I was supposed to do or how to handle it all I knew is Harry had to be okay, but sadly that didn't help much at all. I needed to do something and I needed to do it quick so I came up with best thing I could think of and that was watching him myself. I knew it would be easy to get my mom to believe I was staying with a new friend so I just did it, I went up to Harry and bravely told him I was staying here to watch him. I think he knew he needed help and me watching him was the best deal he was going to get.
I knew something was wrong the minute I saw him. It's almost like I knew he was untouchable and too far gone to be saved, although that didn't seem to help with my curiosity in him. I never could seem to get him off my mind. I was always thinking about him and wishing I could talk to him even if it was just to fight, and I had no idea why. After I saw him try to kill himself I knew he was dangerous person to get close to. Obviously I didn't want anything to happen to him so I thought that this was my only choice. If I would have called the police I would of had to deal with the entire situation and in order not to I thought I could just watch him for a couple days. I did not want to deal or take on the fact that he wanted to kill himself but when I saw him struggling to get that bottle open something snapped in me. I felt as if my whole world was ending. I thought a lot about why he called me?, honestly I still don't know why and I don't think I ever will... But I'm really glad he did.

As it gets closer and closer to me having to go home I worry about what's going to happen.

Hey may not even actually like me. He's only attached to me because I'm the only one who's been here for him. It's hitting me like a ton of bricks, none of this is real at least none of his feelings are. It's only because I have been comforting him. He thinks he likes me but he doesn't, and he's going to realize that as soon as I leave. I'm not helping anything at all, once I leave he will realize he doesn't need me and that all the feelings he thought he had for me were made up as a temporary solution to escape from the real problem.
At first I thought I was doing the right thing. I know we are having a good time together and I know he's happy right now but is this just a distraction?, what happens when I have to leave? All his negative feelings and thoughts are going to come rushing back the second he's alone again. If it's really true if I am changing him he's not going to react well... I know he isn't. I've heard him talk about relationships and once I'm not here every second of the day he's going to have nothing but time to think. He was suicidal before I got here and I might just be making things worse. One of the darkest things about him is relationships and even worse love. I don't think we can do this to ourselves. I can't love someone who could never deal with loving me back and he can't begin to think about officially letting someone in. This is all in the moment and is going to be destroyed the second we step back out in the real world. He should of been sent to the hospital that day. I didn't know Harry enough to decide this for him, sure he's fine now but how long is that going to last? What is he capable of when I'm not around? What even are we right now, and what would we be after this is over? Once I leave reality is going to hit and he's never going to come out okay.

I'm beginning to think that I may of completely screwed up.