Devotion||h.s / NOT FINISHED / inactive

Chapter 81

I stay silent during the car ride back to Lizzie's and she respects my silence by not asking any questions. I mean there were a few 'are you okays' but that's something I can just nod my head to. Your friends and family always want you to be okay so every time they ask that question they are hoping that the answers is going to be yes, when sadly it never is. Answering no to that question is going to do nothing but worry whoever asked it and the last thing we need is for someone to be worried about us because we're not okay. We don't want to hurt the people we care about by answering no, so we say yes. Nothing is worse then someone hurting because you are.

When we pull in to Lizzie's driveway she puts the car in park and immediately turns to face me

"I'm not going to make you talk about anything tonight, you don't even have to say a word, but what I want you to know is that if you ever do want to talk about it, or talk about anything I'm here and don't forget that." She says and places her hand on my thigh

I slowly turn my head to look at her and a tear falls down my face. Everything is just to much right now.
"Thank you" I say quietly after nodding my head
"That really means a lot right now"

"Always" she says and smiles softly

I don't know what to say now so I just look down at my hands

"Come on, let's get you inside" she says and gets out of the car. Lizzie wraps her arm around me and I follow her up the stairs to what looks like her room. Lizzie digs through her drawers and hands me a pair of pjs. It's like she knows that I don't have any.

"Okay, so you can sleep in the guest room or you can sleep in here with me either or is fine."

"I'll sleep in the guest room. I don't want to be a bother"

"You wouldn't be a bother" she assures me and I smile slightly

"It's okay, really. I'd rather sleep alone anyways"

Lizzie nods her head
"I understand" she says and smiles softly.
"Here let me help you with your stuff" she says and grabs my bags off the floor.
"Follow me" she says and leads me to the guest room

We walk in and I look around

"Is this going to be okay?" She asks as she sets my bags on the floor.

I smile softly and nod my head
"It's perfect, thank you so much" I answer and look her in the eyes sincerely

Lizzie smiles
"If you need anything just come into my room, okay?"

"Okay" I repeat "tha-" I try to say thank you but she cuts me off

"You better not be thanking me again" she says playfully and sassy

I smile back a bit embarrassed not knowing what to say. Luckily Lizzie starts talking again.

"Okay well I'm gonna go tell my parents you're here and then I guess I'll see you in the morning." She says sweetly

"Okay" I smile slightly

"That is if you're going to school tomorrow, are you going to be able to make it?" She asks concerned

I nod
"Yeah, I have to. I have to practice my dance for the assembly"

Lizzie immediately smiles
"Oh yeah, I forgot about that."

I just smile

"Okay Alison, get some sleep and hopefully you'll feel better in the morning"

"Hopefully" I repeat. I feel as if I can barley speak.

Lizzie smiles and starts to walk out the door but stops and turns back around

"Do you want me to wake you up at a certain time tomorrow?" She asks

"Just wake me up when you wake up"

"Okay" she smiles softly
"Goodnight Alison"

"Goodnight Lizzie" I smile
"Thank you" I say pushing aside the fact that she told me not to thank her

Lizzie gives me the seriously look, but still smiles as she closes the guest room door.

I'm exhausted, but sadly I feel like I'm not going to be able to sleep .

I decide to look through my bag and pick out my outfit for tomorrow. When I'm digging through my bag and I find  something that's not mine. It's Harry's black t-shirt. I must of threw it on the bed after I wore it the night before, then accidentally shoved it in my bag when I was packing my stuff up. I pull it out and sit on the bed. As I'm looking at it I remember me walking down the stairs in his boxers and t-shirt and I remember the way he was looking at me. He was looking at me in lust. That's the night he kissed me, like really kissed me. He was taking care of me because I got a black eye from Lindsey's tap shoe. He was rubbing the cream on my eye and then he just crashed his lips to mine. I was surprised but I had secretly been wanting to kiss him for a while, well ever since the party. I wanted to see if I could feel what I felt that night by kissing him again, and I did. I felt the same amount of passion as I did at the party, maybe even more. My blood was boiling, I wanted him and I couldn't control it. Then he stopped me. Obviously I thought it was because he regretted kissing me but then he said something I'll never forget, that I'm nothing like Lindsey to him. He said he would never do what he did to her, use me like he did her. But tonight he said worse. Even if he didn't mean it I can't handle hearing things like that every time he gets mad. He has bipolar disorder, and needs to get help before he can ever get close to someone..but maybe he doesn't want to, maybe he doesn't want a life and forever is going to be in a downward spiral. Could all this really be fake? The good memories are over powering the bad ones. The times I had with Harry were indescribable. I've never felt like that before. I'd do anything for that feeling. Because of how perfect he made life seem I thought it was fake, and because of the butterflies I got every time he smiled, and because of how I felt when I was around him. Perfect doesn't even describe it, it can't be described. What if that feeling was love? I think when I realized I loved Harry I thought it had to be fake, but I loved him. I want to believe that what we had was real, that that was the real Harry. I want to believe that he would never fake this whole thing.

I slip on Lizzie's pj pants and put on Harry's shirt. It smells like him, like his house. So many horrible and amazing moments happened in that house. I push the bad memories out of my head and think only of the good ones. Another tear falls down my face and I fall asleep