Devotion||h.s / NOT FINISHED / inactive

Chapter 79

Alison's POV

I'm walking down the street and my head is spinning, I feel like I could pass out any second. What I'm feeling right now is worse then sadness... I feel nothing. I'm numb from what just happened. I have to process if it was even real or not, if the whole thing was real. The moment I stepped through his door is the moment reality changed. I never thought anything like this could happen, could happen to me? I saved a person from suicide, by jumping on them and tackling them to the ground. Then, I got my mom to believe I was going to stay at a new friends house to work on a project that somehow takes all week to finish. Then I managed to get Lizzie to cover for me, while also keeping the whole thing a secret from Eli and Emily. Last but not least Harry and I became drawn to each other, getting closer and closer everyday. He opened up to me and I opened up to him. Looking back at it, what all seems to be so fake has never felt so real.

I thought that nothing would be able to take my mind off this night, until I realized that I'm stranded and have no where to go. Harry kicked me out, I cant go home because of obvious reasons, and I cant go to Emily's because she lives about 30 minutes away. The only thing I can come up with is to call Lizzie. She's the closest new friend I've made at this school, and she knows about Harry but I just cant call her, not after what happened today. I realized how horrible it was of me to ask her to cover for me for a situation as big as this one, and then not even really talk to her throughout the week. I didn't know what I was doing at the time, all I could think about is Harry...Harry and his cruel words start rushing back through my head, words like 'You mean nothing to me' , and 'everything I felt for you was fake and bullshit'. What he said had to be true, I don't know how he could say it if it wasn't. I know I cant forgive him, but I start to think about if what he said was true, if I did just put everything into his head. I cant help but to wonder what would of happened if I didn't bring that up. But that really doesn't change anything, what happened tonight proves that Harry cant handle any toll that comes with being in a relationship. He said I was head fucking him, but he's head fucking me too. His words said so many different things tonight on how he was felt. Sometimes they said what he felt for me was fake and he knew it, or that It could have been real and I was just putting thoughts in his head. He said he was trying to think things through but I still know the conclusion to that and that's the same as mine.... Fake. I refuse to believe the way he was acting with me this week was really him, the real Harry. I need to believe that it was fake because if I choose to believe that it was real, then that means I'm in love with him.

Maybe I'm the one who couldn't handle it?Maybe I'm the one who got scared of falling in love and ran away. I thought Harry couldn't handle feelings, and maybe I'm still right, but it's me too, and It was me who ran first. I immediately assumed everything was fake the minute after I realized I loved Harry...
After I say that sentence to myself everything becomes crystal clear. Oh my god, it was me. I'm the scared one. I did exactly what I thought Harry was going to do.
I do realize now what I did, but I also know that Harry would of done the same. I just happened to do it first. Harry couldn't of handled this either like I said come Friday he would of snapped out of it and got rid of anything that has to do with feelings and that's me. He probably would of done it in a worse way then I did, so I saved us both some pain. The only thing I wish I knew was if he would of actually done it, because you cant run from what's fake.

{A/N Hey guys. I know there is little action in this chapter but we all saw this coming haha. This is why it took me so long to be able to write it because I knew I needed to be in complete focus because this chapter had to be Alison's thoughts over what just happened. Anyways I'm glad I got that done, because even I didn't know how she was going to feel, so now that I do and I have a storyline to go with and the next chapter should be up very soon. Also I'm sorry this one is short. xoxo}