Devotion||h.s / NOT FINISHED / inactive

Chapter 77

Harrys POV

Getting air isn't really helping as much as I thought it would. I still can't get it through my head that Alison would do this to me. Emily is supposedly her best friend but she's also Eli's fucking girlfriend and girls obviously can't keep their god damn mouths shut. Alison has just proven that. I'm standing by a tree at the park morbidly pissed off. I'm pacing around in circles and cursing under my breath.

I thought Alison was better then this. I thought that maybe just maybe she cared for me. I know now that she doesn't. This has all just been exactly what she said it was going to be.. And that is her watching poor suicidal Harry. She probably thinks I'm a freak and was just being nice to me to make this week easier. Although that doesn't explain her romantic actions... Those were probably fake too. She probably just wanted to toy with me, or see if she could crack me. All I know for sure is that she-
My thoughts get interrupted

"Harry." Alison says softly behind me with the 'I just got done balling my eyes out tone in her voice'

I don't turn around
"I don't want to talk to you right now" I say straight forward.

"Harry please let me explain" she begs

I turn around to face her
"What could you possibly explain Alison?, there's nothing to explain. You told Emily and now everything's fucked up." I say as I kick dirt and put my hands behind my head while taking a deep breath

"She's not going to tell anyone" she says assuredly  

"You don't know that!" I pause
"because sometimes you think you know someone but then they go off and betray you" I say sharply and look her coldly in the eyes.
When she doesn't say anything I laugh lightly and start to walk away.
Alison clenches her jaw and then of course follows behind me.

"You know what Harry?" She snaps and I continue to walk
"You only think of yourself!" She yells and stops in her tracks.

I freeze.

"God. You're so blind to anything that doesn't involve you!" she snaps again.

My blood starts to boil
I turn around and start walking towards her
"What did you just say?" I ask

She crosses her arms
"You heard me" she responds very witty

"Who the hell do you think-" I start to ask but she interrupts me

"Did you ever think about how all of this effected me?" She asks seriously and I shut up long enough for her to continue talking.
"I was the one who caught you trying to commit suicide Harry." She says starting to tear up
"I didn't know what to do?" She cries
"I wanted to do everything I could for you, and you didn't want me to call 911 so I didn't and the only thing I could think of was to watch you myself, and that was a mistake."

I look at her confused
"A mistake?" I repeat

"Yes Harry a mistake." She says
"Look at us." She says as she raises her arms
"I can't help you. I don't know what made me think I could. What I should of done was thought about how all this would end but I didn't. I was so caught up in that moment I would of done anything for you, and I still would, but that's not going to help you get better."

"Yeah and I-" I begin to say but she interrupts me

"After thinking about it I was gonna tell you that I couldn't watch you and that you needed real help but I couldn't. I was selfish. I started to love spending time with you, so I convinced myself that maybe I was helping you... But I wasn't... I haven't"