Devotion||h.s / NOT FINISHED / inactive

Chapter 75

I spend at least 15 minutes practically freaking out in my head. I suddenly realize I need to leave now to go meet up with Emily. The only person I've been thinking about is Harry, I haven't even been thinking of myself. Harry is important for me to watch but I feel as if that's not the only reason I'm here anymore. I need to focus on other things that are important in my life. I can't keep doing this to Emily or I'm gonna loose her forever.

I put my shoes on and head out the front door. As I'm walking up to the park I notice that Emily is already there. She's sitting on a swing set and staring at the ground. I walk up to her and sit down on the swing next to her.

"How long have you been here?" I ask

"Not long at all, I just got here" she replies and looks at me.

We sit in silence for a few minutes just staring at the ground

"I really miss you" I say with my voice a little shaky while bitting down on my bottom lip trying not to cry.

Emily's face immediately softens and she puts on a worried face.
"Are you okay?, what's wrong?" She asks distraught

I start sobbing
"I just can't do this anymore Emily, it's to much for me to handle on my own"

"Hey hey" she says in a comforting tone as she gets off her swing and squats down in front of me.
"What are you talking about?" She says and puts her hands on my knees.

"I haven't been at Lizzie's house doing a project, I've been at Harry's"

"You've been with Harry?, that British boy you kissed like a week ago?, Eli's friend?" She asks clearly shocked

"Yeah" I nod
"But it's not how you think it is, there's something really serious going on and I might of screwed everything up" I sob harder

"Ali what happened with him?" She asks concerned

I shake my head
"I'm not supposed to tell anyone"

"You have to tell me if you want me to help you, you said you can't deal with this on your own so whatever it is it must be serious and if you think I'm gonna let this go you are very very wrong."

I let out a small laugh and wipe away the tears from under my eyes
"I would never think that"

Emily smiles
"Good. I guess you know me pretty well then"

I smile as much as I can given the emotional state I'm currently in.
"Emily I'm really sorry, I've been dealing with so much and that's why I haven't had time for you. I know you and Eli are together and I really want to hear everything about it. I've been a horrible friend, but hopefully after I tell you all this you'll understand why. And maybe just maybe you could forgive me?" I ask

Emily stands me up off the swings and grabs my hands
"You're my best friend Alison I love you and there's nothing you can do to ever change that. I was never mad at you I just missed you." She says on the verge of crying herself
"I just want you to be okay" she says with a cracked voice and starts to cry.

"I think I will be. As long as I have you by my side I can get through anything." I smile

She smiles back. We both sniffle our noses, laugh lightly and pull each other into a tight hug.

After Emily and I finally release each other we walk over to a bench, sit down and I tell her the whole story from Friday to right now. I don't leave out one detail. I swear I actually wasn't going to tell her but this whole situation just became to much for me to handle. I need my best friend and only my best friend. I'll always need her in times like this.

Emily can not believe that this is happening to me. Me Alison Gilbert the average ordinary teenage girl gets stuck in this situation. Stuff like this just doesn't happen, the bad boy never falls for the good girl it's not real none of this is real. Nobody can change Harry, especially not me. All this is is me being a young and dumb teenage girl who falls in love too easily for all the wrong reasons, and who is blinded by the fact that she knows they will never work out together even if they have fate on their side.

Emily and I decide to take a walk along the park.

"So do you think he loves you?" Asks Emily as she looks over at me

"I think he might think he does" I look at her as we walk
"But no, I don't think he actually does" I say and look at the ground

"Do you love him?" She asks

"Yeah I do" I look at her a bit ashamed and embarrassed

"Don't give me that look, don't give me the I'm embarrassed look" Emily says and smiles slightly

"But it's stupid Em. The only reason he even likes me is because I'm the one who saved his life, and I'm the one who has been there for him during his darkest time. Its fricking Stockholm syndrome" I say and Emily glares at me
"It's not real, I'm gonna screw him up either way. Option A he actually does have feelings for me. What happens when I have to leave and he has to actually deal with them instead of just pushing them aside like he's doing now. If he realizes he let someone in and could be falling in love it's over... he could never handle it. Once I'm gone his feelings would eat him away" I explain telling her the exact thoughts in my head

 "and imagine what I'd be going through. I don't think either of us could handle that I'm to inexperienced and he's to broken. We're just too different. It's like I'm the new doll that just came out of the box so inexperienced, and doesn't know anything about the world. Harry's the doll that's been played with for years and has broken pieces. How could I ever understand him."

"Wow" says Emily

"Yeah" I reply

"What might option B be?" She asks

I sigh
"Option B is he realizes he never had feelings for me and he goes right back to the start. Feeling alone and empty. The suicidal tendencies would come rushing back, and I'm sure they would be heightened. And as for me I'll be heartbroken" I say and look down

I don't say anything for a few seconds

"But I'll be heartbroken either way won't I?" I ask while walking

"All I can say for sure is that I think you are over thinking this one. I also think you should talk to Harry about how you feel and then go from there because at the rate your going at right now I don't think your little brain is gonna function for much longer" she says and looks at my sympathetically as she grabs my hand.

I smile
"Thank you, thank you so much Emily. I'm so glad I have you right now." I say about to cry again.

"No no, don't cry again" she says and stands in front of me.

"Okay okay I won't" I say and fan my eyes.

Emily puts her hands on my shoulders and smiles at me
"Your going to get through this, your the strongest person I know"

I start to cry slightly

"Hey no crying I said" Emily says playfully as she shakes my shoulders

I wipe my eyes
"Hey you set me up for that" I laugh lightly

"Yeah I guess I did, but it's true" she smiles and pushes a piece of hair behind my ear

"Thanks Emily" I smile
"I love you"

"I love you too, always. I'm here for you just like your here for me. Nothing will ever change that." She smiles

I grab her hand as we walk along the park and I think how lucky I am to have her as a best friend.