Devotion||h.s / NOT FINISHED / inactive

Chapter 78

Harrys POV

"Your right" I answer finally being able to get a word in. Alison just looks at me with her water stained face and wet eyes.
"Mostly about you being a distraction, and me living in the moment." I pause and I see her heart breaking, along with mine.
"And lets not forget about you thinking you could fix me." I smile heartlessly and laugh lightly
"I mean, that's really pathetic. I don't know what made you think you could ever do that, or even be special enough to come close"
I have no idea what I'm saying, or if its even true. All I'm doing is agreeing with everything Alison said but throwing it back in her face to hurt her. I'm making this up as I go. Everything that is coming out of my mouth doesn't feel real or even true. I'm mad, and I decided to believe everything Alison said and that's why I'm being such a dick. Coming up with horrible things to say to people is one of my strong suits no matter if its true or not. For some god damn reason what Alison just said ripped my heart out and I didn't like it, so naturally I'm doing the same to her.
"And lastly yeah you aren't like the girls I use, because everything I felt for you was fake and bullshit. I just wanted to get through this damn week."
"You mean nothing to me" I say straight forward and cold.
Everything's a blur, but one thing I know for sure is that Alison Gilbert means something to me, I don't know what but I know damn well that she does

The look in Alison's eyes gives me a certain pain that I've never felt before in my life and forces me to look at the ground to escape it. I stare for a few seconds, but when I look up she's gone. I see her run across the park, and burst through my front door. I narrow my eyebrows and start running back to my house following behind her. As soon as I get through the front door I hear a door slam upstairs.

"God damnit" I groan and run up the stars to the guest room. I hear what I think is the sound of Alison frantically shoving clothes in her bag.

"Alison, open the door" I ask but she doesn't answer me.
I start repeatedly pounding on the door
"Alison open the fucking door right now or ill break it down"

"Go away" She screams

"Open the door" I scream back and when she doesn't answer I start kicking the door with full power until it flies off its hedges and bursts into the room.

Alison screams like I thought she would and is staring at me with wide eyes. She looks absolutely shocked, and maybe scared. She wouldn't be scared of me right?

"Are you crazy?" She yells

"Yeah, I am. You should fucking know that by now" I raise my voice

"I hate you" she spits out in all seriousness and at that moment I can actually feel the pain in my chest from hearing those words, but I pull myself together because again I don't know what the fuck is going on with me. My mood changes are effecting they way I think and what I think. I think something different every other minute.

"I hate you too" I say and actually mean it at this moment. Then I realize that's not true, I don't hate her... but she hates me

Alison laughs sarcastically
"You know what your problem is?, your scared" she pauses "Of everything"

"Don't act like you fucking know me" I say angrily as I walk closer to her

"Oh but I do, I know that you're a horrible person and that your going to be alone forever and that's enough information for me. And really that's all there is to you." She pauses
"Oh yeah and that your fucking insane."

I don't say anything because I physically cant, that was officially the worst thing anyone's ever said to me.

"Now get away from me and never talk to me again" she says as she grabs her bag and puts it over her shoulder. Alison starts walking down the stairs and I cant help but to follow her. Before I can think about it I'm out of the room and on the staircase

"Alison wait"

"No!" she screams while crying and turns around
"Nothing you say will ever make me forgive you, or even talk to you ever again."
"You used me I realize that now, yeah we're both right I was a distraction but you lead me on into thinking that you actually liked me."

"You're the one who ruined everything by telling Emily, and bringing up this bullshit about distractions and shit."

"Because its true!, you just said so. We're lucky I brought it up when I did because if I hadn't we would of just had this same conversation but on Friday, and it probably would have been a lot worse."

"Because you keep head fucking me Alison. You've been putting things in my head all damn week. Things I don't fucking understand and you gave me no time to even think of fucking feelings or anything, unlike you I wasn't analyzing everything we did together I was just having fun. And by the way you have no idea what I can handle."

Alison opens her mouth to say something but I interrupt her

"Shut the fuck up for two seconds and let me finish. I started to feel things I've never felt before this week and then today you come up to me and tell me that its all fake. You told me what I feel because you think you know everything, and that that's the only possible explanation but it's not. All this is because you think your just a distraction to me, you seem so sure of it and like I said I don't know what the fuck is going on or what I feel for you so I just fucking believed you. I thought you had to be right but now that I'm thinking about it and you spoke for me, you told me how I feel and that's fucked up, and my mind cant process shit like that. I was already confused before this but now you put this real and fake shit in my head and didn't even give me a chance to talk about what was happening. I'm not saying this is real, but I'm not saying it was fake. Not for me at least. What you said really fucked me up tonight, and again I don't know what that means but I know it means something."

I take a deep breath "I'm trying so hard to figure things out, and your not making it any easier."

"I was just trying to tell you what I thought and, you said horrible things to me. You could of just said what you just said right now?"

"Because I didn't know what to do, and I didn't think about it. I agreed with you at the time because nothing the fuck else made sense. So I took what you said and added things to hurt you, but it was only because I was confused and mad. I thought that's what I felt but it's not and again I only thought that because you told me I did."

"It doesn't matter anyways. You said I was right."

"Do you not hear anything I'm saying?" I ask

"Harry, this whole thing is just too complicated, we could never figure it out."

"We haven't even tried, you just keep making assumptions, and we don't even have to figure it out "

"Harry, we cant just go back to the way things where and pretend this didn't happen. Things have changed. My feelings for you have changed." she pauses
"I'm just as confused about them as you are, especially right now, and I need time. I don't know if I can handle all this."

"Fine." I say sharply, and try to forget about the fact that she just said her feelings for me have changed. Although I didn't even know she had any in the first place.

"Harry I"

"Just leave." I say and Alison stands there
"Like now." I snap and Alison isn't surprised. She just walks down the stairs and to the door. I watch her carefully.

She opens the door and turns around as a tear runs down her face.

"Bye Harry"

"Bye Alison"

I feel like this goodbye means forever