faking it

chapter 25

Ross POV.

We drove to Courtney's place. I got outta the car after we arrived.

I didn't talk and I didn't want to, but Court spoke up as we sat down on her bed, "you're looking bad, Ross." She said with concern in her eye corner.

I just rolled my eyes, "As if it isn't normal meanwhile."

She looked at me and touched my eye carefully what caused me to wince a bit, "you gotta go to the police.."

Courtney and me hadn't really feelings for one another, and yet we still loved us, not as in a relationship, but just like brother and sister.

I shook my head, "no, courtney. That's not possible."

She shook her head either, "Ross, you gotta go to the police. Don't you see that you're breaking?"

I groaned a bit, "I'm not going to report him. He's all I have left."

"What about Rydel? And Riker? Rocky, Ryland?" She asked, confused.

"They're not caring about me. Everything has changed. I don't wanna live on, not here.."

It was true, I had have enough of this cruel world. My mom, my wonderful mom, died. What was the meaning of life?

Getting hurt? Falling down?

"Could you stop?" Court interrupted my thoughts, "life is worth living. I know its hard for you. I know you wanna give up, Ross. But you won't. Wanna know why? Because you're strong." She paused and I smiled a bit while looking to my hands.

"I mean, just look at you." She pointed on me, "some other guys would be a wreck now, but you, you have grown muscles which look like you're doing exercises for years. You should be proud of you."

"What do I have from this? Are this muscles able to revive my mother? Will they bring me Laura back? I do exercises because it let's me forget."

She rolled her eyes, "Stop saying her name every day, Ross. Stop thinking about her and when you can't, then gosh make her like you again!"

I knew I shouldn't have thought about her, but I couldn't help myself.

She was on my mind all day, there wasn't one day she didn't took my breath away, there wasn't one day I didn't think about her.

"I'm sorry.." I said, sadly.

"Thanks!" Courtney said annoyed, but then she looked at me and her look and her voice softened, "why are you so attached to her?"

I sighed, "I don't even know.. Its just the way she loved me.."

"But you lied to her, you didn't love her as she did. Why are you loving her now? Because you lost Maia?"

These questions made me mad, "Its not about Maia! It never has been about her!"

Court lifted her hands, "calm down."

I sighed again and took a breath, "I don't know why I realized that I had feelings for her as we werent together anymore..

All I know is, I have realized it a few months ago and there's nothing I can do against it."

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Heres a stupid Birthday update. ♥
Yes, its my birthday and yes I'm back from england! It was so beautiful! ¡ i really miss my host siblings, they were so cute!

But I'm glad to be back *not* because I love school *not* :b

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