The Girl Who Literally FAILED At Life

Quick Rant

So honestly this is just a rant, it's nothing to be completely concerned about like all the other times I've broken down and written my feelings. I don't feel very vulnerable this time, this is just me feeling pissed and frustrated where every other time I've broken down and cried. So thank you.

So I'm pretty pissed that my mom is being frustrating right now, it's not the first time. Honestly my whole family is pretty frustrating, my dad has his on and off moments, my step dad acts like he's the shit half of the time, and my mom is extremely fake but when you're fake you need to let out your emotions on someone. That person just so happens to be me because my step dad is basically the big guy so he can't be crossed and my dad obviously isn't with her a lot to see it.

They're not bad people. They just have extremely big flaws that always seem to backlash at me.

I know this is the first time I've explained my family to basically anyone but I personally need to admit to myself that I'm confused and unhappy half of the time because I feel like I'm in the middle of a huge knot and I'm getting pushed around and I'm always complaining how I feel like crap because everyone is doing me wrong when I need to accept that I'm also doing myself wrong by not admitting or telling anyone that I'm not happy.

And I know that no one is gonna understand this, if someone actually understood this this wouldn't be a problem. But my family is not an everyday family, how am I suppose to explain I have a dad and a mom AND a stepdad.

It's not a common thing.

Well it is a common thing it's just rare that all three figures are active in your life regularly. I'm sure half of the people I've mentioned this to assume that my dad is dead or moved away and vice versa.

It's just not a common thing under that circumstance.

My parents think that they know my position but they don't. My step dad had a step dad but his father was NEVER active in his life, and both of my parents had parents that are still together to this day-except my grandpa who died. Rip Grandpa I love you.

My point is, I can't believe it took me five years to figure this all out. I would cry myself to sleep a lot and half of the time I didn't understand why, sometimes I would just be sad and I have no idea why. But my first thought would be because of my parents. I guess I didn't understand how to fix my anger and sadness.

I don't honestly know how I'm gonna fix my problem, I just know that I know the source. And honestly I need time to think it through and if I'm gonna try and fix it on my own or tell my parents and if I do tell them how to explain it so they understand what I'm saying and what they need to do.

So back to the main reason I'm frustrated at the moment, my mom once again broke a promise. She breaks promises to me all the time and it pisses me off, and one thing I do over and over is tell her "It's alright." or just smile like an idiot and ask to go to the bathroom.

Honestly I'm so frustrated right now, she didn't even listen to me and I'm honestly so done being pushed around at this point. I just feel that personally if I let her push me around so much this wouldn't have ever happened.

A few months ago I couldn't make it to softball practice because my dad needed to do something very important to his health. Find a doctor close to the area, lately we had been driving 30-50 minutes to get to a doctor. My dad has had multiple close to death sicknesses, including heat stroke and a leg infection that could've killed him if he didn't figure out that "the pain in his leg" was actually serious.

There's no way we could drive 30-50 minutes for doctor appointments, especially since at that time my Grandpa was still alive but very slowly going to die.

That whole day was extremely stressful since I knew that I needed to get back and it didn't look like we would get back in time. Eventually I realized I wasn't going to make it back no matter what I tried so I told my mom and step dad and explained the situation. My mom sent me this text...

Lynda, I heard you are not going to practice today. Both *stepdad* and I spend a lot of money, time and efforts to support this. Now *stepdad* has to let *coach* know why you are missing another practice. He doesn't even know what to tell him. *stepdad* was willing to make it happen even with a flat tire. I don't know what you have going on but you know you have practice today and it's a commitment. I just want to let you know that if this happens again. We will not sign you up for summer season.

I sent her a long ass text about how much of a bitch she was being for not understanding the full story.

My dad called her and I sent her a text, then she said she was in a meeting. Like tf?! You can text me a long ass text, read MY LONG ASS TEXT but not listen to a five minute voice mail?!

She didn't even properly apologize in person when it was obvious a text sucking up to me and apologizing like a three year old "Oh I'm sorry it was only because *blah blah* but you're so brave to be standing up to me" and some stupid ass crap.

She claimed we would talk about it, I missed one phone call because I was eating dinner and then she never mentioned it again.

I guess that's what I get for being such a push over.

And as much as I'm pissed at her for doing the same crap again today I blame myself. Because I should've made it clear that that bull shit she pulled on me wasn't ok.

Well thank you for reading this, I hope you learned something and good for you for making it this far because honestly I sound like a brat. It's just really hard to explain when you've just figured out why you were so sad for no reason and feel betrayed at the moment. And I surprisingly didn't cry.

Well thanks.