The Girl Who Literally FAILED At Life

:}

So I've kinda made a pact to myself, that I'll only talk about my problems when I feel ready and to the right people. Last week was a pretty shitty week for me, everything was just shit. I'm having a hard time adjusting to my schools schedule since every single day is a different schedule and I'm used to relying on my backpack to have everything but your suppose to take all of your things separately. My grades haven't been the best. And my parents act like they understand what it's like to be a divorced child but they don't understand. And whenever I complain about something to one parent they rat me out to another.

I'm feeling really shaky and stressed at the moment. I literally don't have a solid home because I'm switching houses, I don't have anyone to talk to about my problems without feeling stabbed in the back, and then I have to manage my time because my parents want to be invested in my life but I have homework and softball. And then sometimes I don't feel like I have time to do anything that I personally enjoy.

Everything is literally moving to fast for me, but I can't tell anyone that without my parents feeling like they need to cut something out of my life.

And then my subconscious and guilt always overtakes me if I do something wrong, I'll dwell on it for hours on end. I want it to stop but all I think about is all the mistakes I make in life.

And on top of that I feel like utter shit because my neighbor is calling Brownie a pervert on end, and yes he does have inappropriate conversations but she's literally always calling him out and I feel so bad because it's partly my fault. When we were having our really emotional conversation about life he sent me shirtless pictures of himself, and I know that sounds bad but it wasn't in an inappropriate way. He was just messing around and trying to make me laugh. Now she caught on we had a texting conversation and kinda demanded to see it, but she thought she was doing it an perverted way. And she used that as one of her reasons to call him a pervert.

I feel so bad because partly that conversation was private but I should've known she has a big mouth and would blab.

Honestly life is terrible atm, and I don't want to become that account that always dwells on my life. That's not fun for either you or me. So I just kinda need to take a step back from everything so I can manage myself better.

Honestly I don't expect you to understand or send comments like "It's gonna be ok" or "it's totally fine". Because I honestly don't want that. I don't want you to feel obligated to comfort me. I wanted to make this book so I can make you guys laugh and connect with people. I can't do that if I'm always dwelling on myself.

I don't deserve your comforting messages because I make mistakes and I don't deserve to get sympathy that makes me look completely innocent. I want to start making good decisions and being that person who avoids problems. I probably do deserve every bad thing that comes my way (and I'm not saying that in a bad way) but I don't want you to feel burdened to keep me here on this account. I'm not leaving anytime soon.