Sanders Sides OneShots

Pt 2 (LAMP x Thomas x OC)

T.W. Self hate.

Logan's eyes fluttered open, and he was met with a cold empty bed, he should have known she would leave, that she wouldn't be happy with him. He knew there was something that she wasn't telling him, but he didn't know what. He didn't want to pressure her, and make her feel worse. He knew she went through a lot, yet he felt the need to add to her stress. He sighed, and got dressed. He knew where she'd be, and she'd be with Roman most likely, the two, despite being best friends, were exceptionally close.

The memory of them kissing replayed in his mind. She was talking to him, and then all of a sudden, their lips met, and even from where he sat, he knew that the kiss was full of love, and passion, something he couldn't give to her. She deserved Roman, but he was bitter, jealousy coursed through him, and he couldn't help it. He was irrational when he got that way, which was what prompted him to go to her house in the first place.

He left her house, and stormed to the park, the sight only angered him more. She was sat next to Roman, her knees to her chest, and she was leaning into Roman's side. He saw Roman press a kiss to her temple, and he walked over.

"What are you doing?" he spoke angrily, grabbing Fern's wrist, causing her to let out a small cry of pain, which sent Roman into action.

"You have no right to treat her that way, she did nothing but love you, and you repay the favor by doing this?"

"She kissed you."

"I kissed her, and you told her that she was nothing to you."

"Because she's nothing but a pile of trash."

Logan saw that tears stung her eyes, and she turned away, he watched, a feeling of guilt in his stomach, as Patton pulled her into a hug. The other two had stood up at some point, standing either side of Roman, yet slightly back, and were ready to protect her. Logan had dropped her wrist and she cradled it gently, it took all he had to not apologise, and to maintain his tough demeanor.

"Pathetic." Logan spat, and stormed off. He stopped at a nearby tree, and looked back. She'd moved back over to Roman, and she was still a mess. Roman tilted her head up and pressed a kiss to her lips, and Logan felt worse. He watched as she pulled away from him, her anxiety was evident on her face, and he sighed, guiltily.

He'd messed her up more than she already was, she already dealt with things from her parents that no child should have to go through, and he'd added to that. He was a terrible friend, and on top of that, he'd told her she was nothing to him. She was everything to him, everything and more. She was his motivation, and his reasoning for getting up in a morning. She was the reason he felt anything, and she was always there. Their late night talks, their walks in the park, their hugs, it all meant so much to Logan, and he'd lost it all, because he was foolish, and was blinded by his jealousy.

The next few days, he didn't go into school, he couldn't stand seeing her broken smile, and her fearful eyes as she looked at him. He lay in bed, his minds replaying all the events that occurred, the way he'd messed everything up, and how he was never going to be able to apologise. She'd never want to speak to him again, she'd never want to restart with him. His mistake would follow him around and he'd never escape what he had done. He'd never get a decent education, nor a decent job. He was going to be stuck with his past haunting him for the rest of his life, and he only had himself to blame.

A week later, he finally went into school, only to be dismissed. He'd lost his friends, the girl he hoped to be his romantic partner, and everything else. His happiness was gone, and he was stuck in the dark, with no one there to help him out. He knew he was going to be expelled, there was no doubt about it, so long as she had Roman and her friends with her, she'd have the confidence to do anything. So long as he stayed away, she would be fine, and he knew he wasn't worthy of any of it.

-

After a few months of his thoughts being too loud, and everything being too much, he walked to the cliff. The one a few miles away, yet he was able to walk there. He had some nice memories there, it was where he found Fern, not long after he'd joined their friend group, and she was looking down into the darkness below, and if it weren't for Logan, she would have taken that step, and wouldn't be here.

He looked down, and he knew what was at risk, he was going to end it all and he was going to remove one of her problems, and she wouldn't have to worry about him any longer.

"Logan?" A soft voice spoke from behind him, and he felt a tear fall. He knew who the voice belonged to, and he didn't want to face them, he knew if he did, they'd hate him even more.  "Logan." They spoke again, their voice more firm, they knew how to make him stop everything. He didn't want to face them, but he had to.

He turned himself around, slowly, and kept his gaze down. He couldn't stand to see the look on their face, he was a disappointment, and he didn't deserve to live.

They walked over to him, and pulled him away from the edge, tilted their head up, and they met his gaze.

"Logan." Fern spoke, he knew she knew what was going through his head, how he felt bad, and how he couldn't escape his demons.

"I'm sorry." He choked out, he wanted to tell her everything, but his sobs came too soon. They blocked his words, made it impossible to talk. She held him tight, and he sobbed into her shoulder, and she held him. He knew that she cared, and no matter what happened, she'd care. He held her close, and cried. She was shaking, and he wasn't sure why, maybe it was him shaking, and he thought she was, or she could be crying. He wasn't sure.

"Fern?" A male's voice came from behind her, and Logan recognized it to be Roman's.

Logan wiped his tears hastily, and looked away, and she turned to Roman.

"What are you doing?" He spoke, his anger directed towards Logan, but Logan knew he was just being protective.

"He was about to jump, Ro, how could I let him?"

"He..."

"I know what he did, but he was our friend, and he stopped me once, it's only fair I do the same thing. He should be heard, and he shouldn't have to suffer in silence."

She took his hand and pulled him closer, and sat him on the ground, and she sat next to him.

"Why?"

"I hate m-myself, I h-hurt you and... and... I d-deserved it..."

"What else did you do to yourself?"

"I h-haven't eaten..."

"Logan..."

"I know."

Roman sat in front of Fern, and took her hand, and rested a hand on Logan's knee, a reassuring gesture.

"I'm sorry." Logan spoke, unable to say much else.

"I don't know why you did it, and it's hard to look past, but I need you in my life, I always have, and you know that Logan. These past few months, without you, I've missed you."

"y-you did?" His voice was coming out steadier now, and he looked at Fern, seeing no traces of it being a prank, and she nodded. He pulled her into a hug, and she let out a small shriek, causing Roman to laugh.

"I'm sorry." He murmured into her shoulder.

"Shut up! Stop saying that." She murmured, knowing he wasn't going to forgive himself, even though she seemed to have.

-

The following few months were rocky, but they worked through it all. Patton, Virgil and Thomas were wary around Logan, and they were all wary about Fern and Logan being left alone together. But it was sorted. They listened to his reasoning, and although it excused nothing, they forgave him.

He soon admitted his feelings for Fern, and admittedly the other 4 males, and was soon in the relationship with him. He forgave himself, and let them help him.

And for then, they were happy, and things were great.

1467 words

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