Sanders Sides OneShots

Why? (Analogical)

Kind of a second part to don't leave me... please.
T.W. Panic attack.
I think that's it.

It had been a month since Roman had left Virgil, and the latter was not doing so well.

He left his room only when Thomas summoned him to film a video, in which he would put up his mask and pretend all was fine, he'd make his sarcastic comments, and sneer, and smirk, all things everyone was used to, but when he was alone in his room, he would cry, and slip in and out of panic attacks.

He would be visited by Patton a few times a day, who would make sure he ate, and was still alive.

Logan occasionally went by Virgil's room, he would make sure Virgil knew what he was going through was normal and occasionally offered any assistance.

Roman never went by, never spoke to Virgil, and never tried. He didn't think Virgil would want to see him, but that's all Virgil wanted. But he never got what he wanted, he knew he wouldn't be able to deal with things alone, not after all he goes through normally.

At night he lays awake and stares at the ceiling, and if he does happen to sleep, it is full of nightmares, and he often awakes drenched in a cold sweat, slipping into a panic attack straight after.

He often wakes up his host due to those panic attacks and nightmares, he never means to, but it happens.

He deals with it all alone, everyone else goes to Thomas, when at one point he had the one person he needed. The one person who would help him throughout it all.

Gone.

Why?

He knew he wasn't good enough, he knew he wouldn't be able to survive.

Why?

He let Patton help him, he let Logan help him, but he didn't want to live.

He stayed awake listening to the snores of the trait he loved. Thinking about how he would be better off dead.

Why?

He asked Patton what he did wrong, why he wasn't good enough, why Roman didn't love him anymore.

Patton told him people's feelings change, and not everyone loves the same person for their entire life.

Virgil felt himself becoming bad again, and asked Patton to leave, not wanting to hear anymore.

Patton knew he was slipping into a bad panic attack, but didn't want to make anything worse, so he went to get Logan, and Logan went to help Virgil.

He walked in and sat on the bed next to Virgil, and pulled him close, doing something he doesn't do often, and pressed a light kiss to his temple.

"Virg, can you name 5 things you can see?"

Virgil took his time, trying to find his voice, and nodded, "Y-you, the b-bed, the closet, the fl-floor, and the star l-lights."

"Now, 4 things you can touch."

"My h-hoodie, y-you, the b-bed, and the w-wall."

Logan smiled, and asked him to name 3 things he could hear.

Again, Virgil took his time in finding his voice, "You, my b-breath, an-and p-pacing."

"2 things you can smell."

"y-your deodorant, a-and... and my air freshener."

"Now finally, 1 thing you can taste."

"My t-tears."

Virgil had found he had calmed down considerably, and he turned to Logan, thanking him for his help.

Logan assured him it was no problem, and that Virgil could go to him at any point he had any more panic attacks.

Why?

He asked Logan the same questions he had asked Patton, and received the same response more or less.

He looked away sadly, and asked himself,

Why?

He didn't want to deal with this, he knew Roman was fine.

He asked Why Roman didn't care.

Logan explained that he does, but it's easier to pretend to not care, because he's scared he would hurt Virgil again.

Virgil looked at Logan, and Logan caught Virgil's gaze.

Virgil looked away, but Logan caught his chin, and kept him looking at the logical trait.

Logan sent Virgil a small smile and leaned in, making the gap between them smaller.

Why?

Virgil felt his breath catch in his throat and noticed Logan glancing down at his lips. He sent a small nod, not quite sure of what he was doing, but carried on anyway.

Logan closed the gap.

Their eyes fluttered closed as their lips moved in sync, and hearts beat wildly.

Virgil was the first to pull back, unsure of what to do, he knew he loved Roman still, but he noticed feelings for Logan he had pushed away, before he'd been with Roman.

Why?

Logan smiled at Virgil, and glanced all over his face, Virgil felt himself genuinely smiling before pressing his lips against Logan's again, both only pulling away when they needed to breathe.

Virgil smiled, and leaned into Logan's side.

"Would you be my boyfriend Virgil? I know you're still hurting, but I wish to really help, I realised I really enjoy your company, and I apologise if it is too soon, but I do like you.

Virgil nodded, "I would love to."

Logan kissed Virgil, a small sweet kiss, but filled with love and passion.

Why?

He knew he would never really know why, not for a while, but for now, he was content in being in limbo, with Logan by his side.
————————
Patton was in his room the entire time Logan was with Virgil, feeling guilty, knowing he did something he should never have done, and there was no reversing it...

903 words
Hope you enjoy.
Take care
Xx