Sanders Sides OneShots

Missing Au (Moxiety)

_Prinxiety_

Sorry it wasn't great, I had the idea, it just wouldn't work, but it's kind of it.
Hope it was alright.

Unedited

Major Trigger Warning: Death, Pain, Hateful thoughts, Mentions of a panic attack, Crying. MAJOR ANGST.

Patton and Virgil had been friends for years.

Recently, they began dating.

Whenever Virgil was around Patton, his whole mood would shift, if he'd had a bad day, or had a bad attack, as soon as Patton was there, his entire day was changed. He was happy, and his worries melted away. The crushing weight on his chest lifted, and his tears dried.

Patton was a good friend, and an even better boyfriend, and whenever he helped Virgil feel better, he felt better too. He always thought he wasn't good enough. He always thought he should leave.

At nights, Patton would lay awake, listening to the deep, slow breathing of his lover, his mind racing, telling him things that weren't true. He knew they weren't true, yet he still believed them.

As the days went by, his thoughts got louder, and he became sadder. He hated himself, more than anyone would ever know.

He put on a mask, he lied to himself, and to those around him, and he said he was fine.

He was.

He convinced himself he was worth nothing, but he was fine.

He was okay in the sense that he was worthless to himself.

He fell victim to the demons inside his head. They dominated his thoughts, sent his self-esteem spiraling downwards. He would lie awake, often slipping into a panic attack, and try so hard to keep his breathing and sobs quiet, so he didn't wake his sleeping boyfriend.

He hated it, he hated not being able to talk to Virgil about it, he hated always pretending to be happy, and he hated not being able to talk about why he was unhappy.

He couldn't take it.

One night, he wrote a note, and murmured to Virgil, "I'm sorry Virgil, please don't hate me. I love you."

He slipped out the front door, and walked into the forest, rope in one hand.

He found the tree, and he did the thing he swore to Virgil he would never do.

He broke his promise.

Tears fell, heavily, he couldn't take the thoughts in his head, and he couldn't take it anymore. Virgil deserved better.

He stepped off the rock, and the world went black.

Virgil awoke to an empty bed. He looked around confused, and his eyes settled on a note.

"I'm gone, don't come looking for me. You'll be too late. I'm sorry. I love you. – Patton <3"

Virgil's eyes filled with tears and he called the police, who told him they would look for him, Virgil spent the entire day, searching the town, looking for his boyfriend, unaware of what the note meant. He called Patton's family, to see if they'd heard from him, maybe he'd gone to them.

His heart was torn in two. He hurt, and as he made his way home that night, he realised it would be the first time he'd slept alone in almost a year. His nightmares would come back, his panic attacks would be worse, and he would be all alone.

He had no friends, he just had Patton, he lost everyone else back in high school, and Patton was his only friend.

Virgil settled in his bed for the night, wearing his sweatpants and a hoodie he found in Patton's closet.

As the morning rolled around, the memories of the previous day settled again.

He cried.

He curled in on himself and let himself inhale the scent of Patton from the hoodie.

Weeks passed, and he couldn't find Patton.

Finally, there was a knock at the door, Virgil, after not caring about how he looked, answered wearing sweatpants and a baggy hoodie, one he was sure belonged to Patton, his hair was a mess, and his eyes were lifeless, with dark circles beneath them. As he opened the door, a small voice inside him hoped it was Patton.

As he looked at the male on the other side of the door, he knew it wasn't him, and he knew all hope was gone.

Patton was gone.

"Virgil Sanders?"

"Yes?"

"I am here to say that Patton Heart was found dead in the forest this morning. He is no longer missing. The state of his body suggests..."

Virgil's world crumbled, tears fell, never stopping. Sobs wracked his small frame, he thanked the officer, through his tears, and he took himself back into his living room.

"Stop... please, I don't want to know..." He whispered, fighting back tears.

"As you wish."

Patton was dead.

Not missing.

No hope for him to come back.

He was gone.

For good.

Virgil cried and cried.

He hated himself.

The note made sense.

He was alone.

For good.

No more Patton to make him feel better after a bad day, no one to make him smile through the tears, and no one to lift the heavy weight on his chest.

Patton's voice rang out in his head, the night before he left.

"I'm sorry Virgil, please don't hate me. I love you."

It all made sense.

Patton was gone, and he had taken his heart with him.

845 words

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry.
This was so hard to write.
It hurt me to write. I love Patton. He's adorable and Virgil too. Damnit I hurt my Smol Baby Bean (did I remember it right - you know who you are.)

Hope you enjoyed
Take care
Xx