Sanders Sides OneShots

Virgil

This is going to be something a little different. And a heads up, it relates to how I feel right now. I don't know.

Virgil's P.O.V

Im fine.

But I'm not fine.

I'm not sad.

But I'm not happy.

I'd say I'm tired, but that's not right.

I'd say I'm hungry, but I'm not.

I'm not sad, nor angry.

I have a strange weight on my chest, and my hearts beating too fast.

The music in my ears isn't doing my.

My heart feels tight.

My eyes are sore.

My body wants to give up.

I hate feeling this way. It's stupid, because I'm fine in every other way. I feel hyper-ish and alert, happy and whatever, but I can't say "I'm fine." It just doesn't seem accurate.

I don't get it.

My mind is running too fast and I can't keep up with the thoughts. Everything in my head says "be sad, you shouldn't be happy. There's everything wrong."

But I know it's not right. I know I'm fine.

But I'm just not "fine."

How do I feel?

No one else can tell me that.

"Take your mind off it." They say

"Don't think about it, it'll drive you insane." They say.

But I say, "what can I do? I can't distract myself. My heart is heavy and it's hard to breathe sometimes."

I want to cry, but I'm not sad.

Things happened and I'm remembering.

I remember what it's like to have a boyfriend, to have a best friend. I remember when I would sleep.

Stupid anaemia... stupid holidays... stupid mind.

Let me sleep. Let me hide. Let me get away.

I don't know anymore.

What do I do?

Why is everything such a crushing weight?

Why?

How do I feel? I don't know. Is that a good enough answer? I don't know.

I don't know anything, I'm not worth keeping as a boyfriend, nor as a best friend.

I'm good at being bad, does that count as something?

Where are they when I need them?

Why can't I speak to them?

Bed here I come... I guess you're my only friend.

330 words

Sorry.

Hope you enjoyed
Take care
Xx