Sanders Sides OneShots

Inconveniet Summoning (Moxiety)

No it's not like that. Get your head out of the gutter!

T.W. Panic attack, mentions of blood, and self harm.

Virgil was curled into a ball on the floor of his room, right by his bed. His hands were shaking, his hair was a mess, his tears left tracks in his makeup, and he couldn't breathe.

He tried to clear his nose, but he couldn't he just couldn't breathe, there was a crushing weight on his chest, and he felt like he had too much to do, in too little time. He was being relied on and he couldn't help but get overwhelmed and anxious. He wouldn't be able to do it all, nor would he be able to do it well. Everyone was counting on him, and it was too hard, it was too much. He couldn't. The voices in his head screamed at him, yelled at him, telling him he was worthless, useless, pathetic, unwanted, hated, the villain. Logan disliked him, Patton hated him, and Roman... Oh Roman, he just despised him. The voices wouldn't stop, he couldn't get them to stop, and he tried and tried. Music, writing, talking to himself, nothing stopped the voices. When he wrote, he couldn't read his writing, his hands shook, and he got angry with himself, and he threw the pen and paper at the wall, anger amplifying the voices. When he spoke to himself, he just reiterated the voices in his head, which just made him be quiet, and often he couldn't even speak during an attack. The music wouldn't ever be oud enough, even at full volume, the voices still seems to overpower it. He just cried, and he couldn't get them to stop. His voice got caught in his throat and he just wanted to scream. He'd punched a mirror countless times, he'd thrown paper at the wall, and it didn't relieve any of the anger, he'd punched a pillow, scratched at himself, tugged his hair, and countless other things, and nothing worked.

No one knew what he went through, no one knew the torment he dealt with, the voices in his head, his own anxiety on top of Thomas', and the depression, the crushing ache in his chest, the want to stay in bed, the lack of motivation to get up, they didn't understand, they didn't want him to be there, and he knew that, he knew they didn't want him, heck, he didn't want him. He wanted to just fade away. He wanted them to forget about him, to make him a distant memory, and he wanted it too. But he couldn't bring himself to do it.

Coward, pathetic, baby.

The words filled his head, never leaving, and he couldn't get them to stop. He covered his ears, tried to drown out the voices, he hurt himself, and the blood would just seep out of his wounds, never actually doing anything to help him. He couldn't help it, he wanted to just stop. He'd neglected sleep, neglected food, he didn't care for himself, he just let himself be hated, be neglected, and he just wanted to leave.

"STOP!" He shouted, his eyes scrunched closed, the voices stopped, he didn't know why, but everything around him was silent.

Slowly he opened his eyes, and his heart lurched, his stomach twisted, and he felt himself slipping in deeper. He was sat on the stairs in Thomas' living room. Why hadn't he been more careful? The tears fell faster, his heart hurt and his stomach clenched, he couldn't breathe, everything hurt, and he just wanted to escape.

Patton, upon seeing the distressed trait walked over and pulled him into a hug, hoping to calm him down. He whispered calming things into his ear, he ran his fingers through the anxious traits hair, the repetitive motion calming him down.

He looked at the other traits and their host, his eyes red and puffy, his eyeliner tracked down his face, and he knew he looked a mess, his wrists were still bloodied, and he hadn't the energy to get up nor sink back into the mind.

"I'm sorry." He managed to get out, his voice came out broken, and he sounded rough, he was worried about what they would think of him, and how they would react, would they mock him, would they hate him?

"Virgil, you shouldn't apologise, you didn't mean to." Roman was the first to speak.

"Indeed, we were not aware of your attack, since it had not come through to Thomas."

"I h-held it back... Y-you're a-asking a l-lot of m-me, and I'm trying, b-but it's h-hard..." He broke off, crying once again.

Patton held the anxious trait closer, and continued to do so until he had calmed down a little more.

"I'm sorry Virgil, I didn't know I was putting that much strain on you, I'll spread out the jobs a bit more, that way you'll have a chance to relax, and I know how bad the attacks are."

"Your wrist needs tending to." Logan spoke, before leaving to get the first aid kit, and once he returned he began to bandage up his wrist, all the while, Patton never left his side.

Once Logan was done, Patton took Virgil back to the mind, and let him sleep in the former's bed. As he was drifting off to sleep, Virgil looked up at Patton and thanked him, pressing a kiss to his lips.

"I don't mind it Virg, I'm here for you, and you can come to me any time you have an attack." Patton spoke softly, after they'd pulled apart.

Virgil lay down, and fell asleep in Patton's arms, Patton following suit shortly after.

929 words

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